Good Lifestyle

According to a 2023 Study published in The International Listening Journal , strong listening skills are essential to establish confidence, strengthening relations , and even excellent at work. But, we live in a time when everyone is constantly distracted. Non-escal notifications For packaged schedules and try to multiser, pay attention to someone can be difficult.

Research shows that the average person only remembers 25% of what they hear in a conversation. This means that most of us miss the key details, not connecting and, possibly, frustrating people of our lives - without even realizing it.

So how can you know if you have developed bad listening habits? We asked communications experts to break the most common signs that you are not as careful as you should. From subtle behavior to flagrant red flags, here are 17 revealing signs that you could be a bad listener - and what to do on this subject.

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Interrupting others is obviously not an excellent practice, but you may not realize that some of the ways you are trying to show interest during a conversation are just as bad.

"Some of us may have good intentions by thinking that we know what the other is about to say, and in an effort to bring them to the finish line, we finish the sentence for them," explains James and Suzann Pawelski , psychologists and co-authors of Happy together: use the science of positive psychology to build the last love .

"Even if we are correct, the interruption is almost always perceived by others as very rude and intrusive. At the end of the day, we are not spirit readers. We have to let the other person finish and give him the respect and time necessary to finish his ideas. »»

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Your friend tells you about their recent holidays in Italy, so you get your trip there five years ago. Or maybe your colleague talks about having to move, and you explain to them how you had to move last year. At some point, your behavior ceases to be a question of commission or sympathy and Get to self-absorption .

"This is negative behavior that can easily cause problems in professional and personal relationships because it appears as self-centered ", Saying the pawelskis." When we immediately turn the center of the conversation to ourselves, we say indirectly to the other person we don't care about what he says. "

A conversation is an exchange of thoughts and information, and it should really go to two directions. Good listeners ask the other person Informed questions Have a healthy back and forth. Bad listeners do not.

"Conversations die of delicate death when the questions are not asked," says dating expert Celia Schweyer of Datingrelationsadvice.com . "Apart from the conversation that leads, your lack of questions means that you do not care enough to follow the conversation. This may even point out that you are not careful about the person who speaks."

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Hockering your head because someone tells you that something is often perceived as a positive type of body language , helping to show that you listen carefully. But, if it seems that you simply go through the movements, people will certainly take this again.

"Speed ​​too many indications indicates that you do not listen to and that you only pose the speaker, pretending to be interested in the conversation," adds Schweyer.

By practicing active listening, you will nod much more naturally.

It is common to react defensively if you feel that you are not heard or if you face many questions. But, this reaction could boil because you do not really listen to the other person.

"If you do not agree with what the other person says, take a break, ask questions, try to be positive [and] respectful and seeks to understand their point of view," suggest the pawelskis. "Then, in a calm and thoughtful way, you can assert all the concerns after listening to them and really tried to understand their point of view."

In the same way, they should show the same respect for you when you have the ground.

You are busy, but it is not an excuse to push the person with whom you are talking to so that they arrive more quickly on their point.

"Take a look at your watch or watching your environment while speaking with someone are indicators that you prefer to be elsewhere," says Schweyer. "If you do this, you send the message that you are no longer interested in the conversation, and you do not lack patience."

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Body language is an essential part of communication. Ticks and agitation not only transmit to others that you are nervous or uncomfortable, but they also reveal that you are not fully engaged in the conversation.

As an expert in body language Carol Kinsey Gorman said Forbes , the body language that corresponds to what is said to be confident. If these two do not correspond, this can point out an internal conflict or an aversion to the subject to be accomplished.

One of the main forms of body language that distinguish good listeners is visual contact .

"When we avoid looking at our conversational partners, we tend to miss non -verbal clues - facial expression, body posture, gesticulation - which create an emotional context for what people communicate," said Kristin Bianchi , an approved psychologist specializing in the treatment of anxiety disorders.

Although avoiding visual contact can sometimes be rooted in anxiety or disorders that may require more involved treatments, in many cases, it is simply due to the fact that your attention wanders. "Very often, our visual contact is undermined while speaking while we share our attention between our conversation partner and a distracting object in our immediate environment such as smartphones, laptops or a television," explains Bianchi.

Make a better effort to look people in their eyes when you talk to them, and your listening habits will improve.

It is a fairly obvious sign that you are a bad listener, but it comes with a few exceptions.

"While conditions such as anxiety, depression, sorrow, ADHD, brain damage and dementia can interfere - with various degrees of gravity - with our memory, if we are not altered by these challenges, we could confuse" forgetting "for" reckless listening ", explains Bianchi.

"The less we listen to for a conversation, the less our brain is likely long -term memory , and we do not remember what we have never really "heard" in the first place. "So, from now on, do a duty to pay more attention to what people tell you.

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There is a big difference between being enthusiastic about something and tapping your foot anxiously while waiting for someone to stop talking ... so that you can start.

"You are so impatient to say that you do not hear part of what is said," said Halelly Azulay , a strategist for the development of leadership and founder and CEO of Talentgrow LLC . "You could learn something, or change your mind, or maybe even agree if you have taken the time to listen to the whole message that the speaker communicates before injecting or interrupting them."

Even if someone is a big Talker, it is generally not a good look so that you are passive. "Silence says a lot about Sonya Schwartz , expert in relation to His standard .

"Isn't it terrible to try to connect with someone who is just not there? The communication is still the key. Give advice, be empathetic, supports the use of your words, would hold the hand - that would change the dynamics and could make your day."

Of course, there is a warning here: if power feels in conversation, as the person speaks to you or if they become combative, silence can be acceptable to disseminate a tense situation temporarily. But, a higher -end speech should soon follow.

If you are too much worried About what you are going to say in response to someone, there is a good chance that you will miss a pivot part of the dialogue that occurs.

"When someone speaks, he describes what he thinks, knows, needs or feels the listener," explains Azulay. "The listener must listen to his message in order to receive it and process its meaning. If your brain is busy thinking about an answer, you do not listen to - a period."

It may seem that you are so actively engaged in a guest that you behave quickly or compare yourself, but it is a form of steam rolling on people. Good listeners give others a chance to shine without needing to share their own experiences.

"While you hope that person will fully appreciate the story you have about to tell, you don't give them the same respect," said KC McCormick çiftçi , founder of the Webless Stories Advice Site Relations site. "If the other person is inclined to do the same thing, it can turn into a vicious circle of barely related stories that you try to go up [instead of] really listening."

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Everyone has been in this situation, but if you frequently Find you to forget the names of people, it can be a sign of a lack of concentration.

"By accepting that we are simply" bad to names ", we give ourselves permission not to try," explains çiftçi. "If it is someone whose name counts - and they all do it - then why not try one of the many tips that we have surely heard to remember the names?"

For example, repeating their names, using a mnemonic device or an association game can all help.

When you speak with someone, now is the time to review all the other things you need to do that day.

"If your brain is busy making a list and checking it twice, there is no way that it also listens," said Azulay. Recent, you focus on the person in front of you.

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Painously boring exchanges occur, but from time to time, they are necessary to learn something new or change a perspective. So do your best to listen.

"It may not be the most rewarding of social exchanges, but to be socially effective and polite , it is important to offer reciprocity - no matter the subject, "explains Bianchi." You don't have to converse for hours on subjects that do not interest you, but just as you want to feel heard, Ypu owes others to listen. ""

It is common for the bad listeners to have this thing in common: head for the exit in the middle of an exchange.

"This prevents you from having a significant conversation and precipitates the other person," said Lynell Ross , Founder and editor-in-chief of the wellness and relational advice platform, Zivadream. "If you need to leave, be honest and say it, but listen carefully while they are talking."

By practicing active listening, staying at concentration on a speaker and recognizing their words with your own actions and your body language, you will transform your bad listening habits around stat. From there, your relationships will improve, your links will feel stronger and you will hear others say: "You are such a large listener."