Good Lifestyle

When you think of a happy family , you are probably considering a group of very united people sharing ups and downs of life. However, although it is true that intimacy is an important ingredient Close family relationships, many experts argue that setting limits is just as crucial. Although these two things are widely considered as representing the opposite ends of a spectrum, intimacy and limits will actually go hand in hand. To really deepen your proximity - not to mention your mental health and well -being - you will have to recognize and respect the limits of each other.

"In healthy family systems, clear limits are essential for each member to develop their own identity and autonomy. When the limits are blurred or absent, a process known as" Enmethement "can occur", explains Paul Losoff , Psyd, a clinical psychologist by working with Foundation psychology group .

Losoff notes that this is characterized by an unhealthy proximity within the family, which can "suffocate individual growth and lead to emotional distress, co -depence and difficulty in building healthy relationships outside the family".

If you have had trouble in your own life, mental health experts say that there are simple ways to put things on the right track. These are their best tips to set family limits.

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If family members are not used to clean borders, starting to establish them may be a shock. BRIANA Parulo , LCMHC, psychotherapist in private practice with In therapy , said you can relieve the transition by considering your goals and managing your expectations before opening the conversation.

"Before fixing a border, it is important to understand what a limit is compared to what it is not," says parulo Better life. "A border is established to finally make the relationship stronger. A border is not a punishment, although during the first implementation, it could look like it."

Natalie Rosado , LMHC, founder and owner of Tampa Counseling Place , add that it is best not to expect a night change or perfect accession to your terms.

"Understand that setting limits with family members can be a progressive process, and it's normal to start small," she said. "Recognize that the change takes time and be patient with yourself and your family."

Parulo adds that it is crucial to also clarify your motivations before fixing a border. "I like to call it your" why ", she says.

If a border helps to establish healthier models for everyone rather than influencing control of the relationship in your favor, it is a good sign that you are on the right track.

Another way to better understand your "why" is to wonder if the border you plan to define is aligned with your personal values.

"Understand what is important for you and use it as a guide to set limits with family members. Clear your values ​​clearly so that they understand where you come from," said Rosado.

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For many people, setting limits with family members can feel downright uncomfortable. Preparing these feelings and reflection in advance on how they could shape your actions can help you endure your land if you have encountered resistance. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"Explore feelings that could arise, such as guilt or shame, when introducing a border," suggests byulo. "Feelings are not facts, but they are a big signal to alert us around certain basic stories that we might have to be asserted, pleading or making the message -Gruit)."

When you open a difficult conversation with a family member, byulo says it could facilitate tensions if you point out how it could be an opportunity for mutual growth.

"You could present the border as an invitation to a positive turning point in the relationship," explains the therapist.

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It can be difficult to say "no" to a family member, but experts say that it is important to practice the drop in invitations with goodness.

"As you enter something in your calendar, if it is not" hell yeah ", maybe it must be a no when it is possible," said Robyne Hanley-Defoe , Edd, a psychology instructor , speaker and author of Wisdom stress: how to be good in a sick world . "Say:" I'm going to transmit that, but thank you very much for thinking of me. "This is generally easier to hear for someone than" no ", but it always makes the message across firmly but with kindness.

When you start to establish healthy limits, it may be tempting to make radical statements or threaten serious consequences. However, Hanley-Dafoe says that a moderate approach is more likely to bear fruit.

Your borders will be less threatening for others if you focus selectively on the communication of your most urgent needs rather than taking the whole relationship at the same time.

"Instead of making difficult and fast rules, decide on your three non-negotiable tops," she suggests. "The limits are not supposed to keep people out of our lives; they are rather systems improving life for whom and what has access to us."

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Another way to set limits with family members in a way they can receive is to use humor. ""

"Humor injection into difficult conversations can help disseminate tension and facilitate the effective communication of your limits," explains Rosado.

First of all, think of the message you hope to get across clearly. Then think about how to soften the language and lighten the mood with a few laughs while reaching this goal.

One way to ensure that you can clearly communicate is to give you the opportunity to self-edit.

"If face -to -face communication is difficult, plan to write a letter to express your limits in a clear and concise way," recommends Rosado.

Even if you plan to speak with your family member in person, writing a letter for your eyes could help you collect your thoughts. Note the limits that you think is currently missing and explore what it would look like a healthy or restored border.

"Identify your personal comfort zones and clearly express your expectations for others to meet them," advises Losoff.

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If a border is not observed, it is important to follow a consequence. However, experts emphasize that the consequences aim to maintain responsibility and security, while sanctions aim to inflict shame, guilt or control.

"Clearly communicate the consequences of the deductible for your limits to family members. The constant application of these consequences can help strengthen the importance of respecting your limits," explains Rosado.

No one looks at things in the same way. This is why therapists often recommend using a language that intentionally focuses on your own interpretations and recognizes your bias potential.

Rosado says that using "I" declarations can help you express your thoughts and feelings directly and respectful, take possession of your point of view and leave room for theirs. "Avoid blaming or accusing language and focusing on the expression of your needs and limits clearly," she recommends.

This can also help you strengthen self -awareness, which is crucial in any relationship. "Pay attention to your own feelings and needs, and be aware of the moment when your limits are tested or crossed," explains Rosado. "Self -awareness can help you define and maintain limits more effectively."