Good Lifestyle

Apart lonely confidence And effective communication, sexual attraction is one of the most sought -after elements of any happy and healthy relationship. But sometimes this sexual chemistry can wave and decline, especially in long -term relationships.

Before diving for why - and how to withdraw this sexual interest - it is quite sure: it is not because you are not impatient to tear your partner's clothes that you are condemned. There are so many other key aspects that operate a relationship - including emotional intimacy, emotional security, mutual respect and shared values ​​and objectives.

The good news? According to experts, it is certainly possible to feel again sexually attracted by your partner. Here are some signs that you are not sexually attracted to your partner - more some proven tips to turn on this spark.

In relation: Having this in common makes you "more sexually satisfied" by a partner, says a new study .

What is sexual attraction?

Sexual attraction is a feeling that can often be difficult to define. According to Michelle Herzog , A Authorized and family wedding therapist , and Aasect certified sex is a feeling of desire that involves a combination of physical, emotional and psychological factors.

To be clear, it is not always based on physical appearance.

"You might also feel attracted to someone because of their personality, how they make you feel or a mixture of these elements," she explains. "This attraction can be influenced by your individual preferences, your past experiences and even biological factors such as hormones."

Kate Balestrieri , A approved psychologist , certified sex therapist and founder of Modern intimacy , note that you can be sexually attracted to someone if you feel the desire to be physically close to them or to contact physical contact with them, or if you find yourself fantasizing to engage in privacy sexual with them.

In relation: 5 signs of body language which means that your partner is in mood, according to experts .

Does the attraction fade over time?

It is quite easy to identify a new budding romance from the start - you might notice that a couple is constantly looking for opportunities to touch each other, which makes you intense contact lenses Or sit very close to each other.

Indeed, when a couple embarks on a relationship, physical attraction and sexual desire are often strong - in part because there is still so much to discover on each other. Research has shown several times that our Brains want this novelty . This raises the question: is it inevitable that you will feel less physically attracted by your partner over time? Not necessarily - but the experts admit that it is common for this desire to fade a little.

"Sexual attraction generally becomes less intense after the first months or the first years of meetings," said Suzannah Weiss , A certified sexual educator , relationship coach and resident sexologist at Biir . "The reason why the sexual attraction fades is that you lose the excitement of being with someone new and all the endorphins who accompany him. You can also start to take you to acquire and see the Sides not sexy of each other. "

According to Balestrieri, if you find that you do not feel attracted sexually by your partner, this may be due to life stressors, financial pressures, family responsibilities, routine or lack of communication on desires. In addition, she notes that a lack of emotional connection, an unresolved conflict, chronic diseases and other physical health changes can come into play.

"Domestic life, with its logistics and its division of labor, is not sexy," explains Audrey Schoen , A Authorized and family wedding therapist in private practice. "Over time, small and large injuries accumulate, tacit expectations lead to disappointments, and partners are caught in cycles of conflict from which they do not seem to be out."

But the can Be a positive side with decreasing lust, says Balestrieri: this often happens when your feeling of safety and your familiarity with your partner increases - which is a good thing.

In relation: The biggest lie All couples say about their sex life, according to a wedding advisor .

5 signs that you are not sexually attracted to your partner

If you wondered, "am I always attracted to my partner?" Experts say that these are revealing signs that the spark may have disappeared. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

1. You no longer fantasize about your partner.

This is one thing if you don't feel interested in sex overall. But that is another thing if you have lost this interest only when it comes to your wedding partner.

According to Balestrieri, it is not uncommon to fantasize during other people. If your sexual fantasies only Including others, however, this could be a red flag.

"It is not necessarily something to be alarmed, because it is normal for you to fantasize less about something that you already get regularly," says Weiss. "However, it may be a sign that it is time to add something new to your sexual repertoire for it to become exciting."

Also be careful, if you feel turned on when you see a beautiful man or a woman with a grocery store, but you have completely lost any interest in sex when you go home to your partner, explains Schoen.

2. You keep busy to avoid physical intimacy.

According to experts, one of the best signs that you are not attracted to someone is that you find ways to dodge any opportunity for sexual intimacy. Balestrieri notes that this might look like decline or distance from kissing, embraces or even hand.

"These gestures may resemble obligations more than expressions of affection welcomed," she explains.

Schoen underlines that you can even keep busy - talk, spend a few additional minutes on the phone or respond to emails - as a subconscious strategy to avoid sex with your partner.

"You could avoid triggering sex or feeling indifferent when your partner makes progress," adds Herzog. "And you might find yourself getting away from physical touch or feeling uncomfortable."

3. You are easily distracted during sex.

This is normal if your mind wanders occasionally during sex, especially for a stressful or charged week where you have a lot on your plate. But what happens if you constantly think of other things during sex with your partner - for example, what you are going to cook for dinner or how you will ask your boss an increase - rather than stay Present with them?

According to Sofie Roos , an approved sexologist and therapist of couples, it could be a sign of warning that you lose sexual attraction for them. This shows that you are going through sex movements instead of fully appreciating it.

4. You get the "Ick".

It is impossible to list the common signs that you are not sexually attracted to your partner without mentioning "the ICK". So what is this phenomenon? Well, let's just say that the little quirks that were previously became suddenly become offspring .

"You can feel more easily disgusted or rejected by your partner," says Weiss.

According to Schoen, this happens when you start to see them through a negative lens - suddenly, even the endearing things about them seem boring.

5. You find it more difficult to reach orgasm with your partner.

There are several potential culprits to difficulty reaching an orgasm - including hormonal offsets and even certain prescription drugs. But if you do not know health related changes and you have never had trouble finishing during sex with your partner before, be careful if it suddenly becomes a problem.

"A lack of orgasm can be the way of the body to say" no "to this partner," said Weiss. "You may also have trouble being excited with this person. These problems can be an indicator of bad chemistry, or they can simply mean that something is disabled, and the couple must work on their sexual intercourse."

In relation: 5 subtle signs that someone finds you attractive .

How to revive the attraction

A relationship without sexual attraction can start to look more like a situation of friendship or roommate. Although such a relationship can certainly still have value, it may not be fulfilling for both partners.

Experts advise to have an honest conversation about how you feel without blaming or making accusations. Try to approach discussion from a positive rather than negative angle - for example, by sharing this do Increase your sexual desire for your partner rather than tell him what doesn't work.

If you really have trouble finding ways to increase your sexual attraction, or if its absence causes a lot of conflicts between you and your partner, you may want to see a relational therapist. An approved couple therapist or a sex can help you identify the deep cause of this drop in sexual attraction and even offer suggested activities or exercises that you can try to rekindle desire.

Here are some other tips approved by experts to find sexual spark.

Try something new together.

If you usually go out for dinner on your Meeting nights , remember to bowl or a mini-golf. If you tend to prepare the same meals week after week, try to take a cooking class together. Participating together in new activities - even outside the room - can instill newness and excitement in your relationship, explains Balestrieri.

Even something as simple as changing your environment can have a big impact, say Herzog and Weiss - so why not plan a small getaway to a place where you have never been? The change of landscape and calendar can help you discover new things on each other while encouraging you to be more present with each other.

"A big obstacle to attraction is that people often do not feel very sexy when they are immersed in the stress of their daily life," said Weiss. "You will be in a better mood, so you will have more positive feelings towards each other. And you will have a lot of time to physically reconnect and spice things up in the room."

Heal the persistent wounds.

If you think that repressed feelings could contribute to your lack of sexual desire for your partner, it is certainly something that you will want to approach.

"I often find that in couples, the work that sexual frequency and satisfaction naturally follow when the small and large wounds that have accumulated on a relationship are cured," explains Schoen. "We rarely have to talk about sex itself, but rather the barrier of disconnection."

Find opportunities to touch non -sexual.

An excellent way of rebuilding your feeling of physical proximity and retaining a healthy sex life is to prioritize non -sexual touch, explains Balestrieri.

"Entranging, kissing and hiding can improve intimacy and gradually lead to a renewed sexual connection," she said Better life . "Make a conscious effort to kiss and kiss your partner when you wake up, before going to bed, and when you separate. These little acts of affection can help maintain a physical link."

Even offering to give your partner a friction of the back or asking him to deposit you before sleeping can greatly contribute to rekindling a spark.

Spend a little time apart.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but according to Weiss, the absence sometimes makes the heart more affectionate, while also increasing sexual interest.

"Mystery generates attraction," she explains. "Sometimes the couples lose the attraction because they are together too often. If you live together, try to have one or both go with friends for the weekend or even for the night. Chance to miss you, and you could remember what made you attract by each other in the first place.

Work on the reduction of stress.

Stress can totally sabotage sexual desire. This is why Roos suggests actively looking for ways to make your life more manageable - so that you have enough time and energy to devote to the reconstruction of sexual intimacy with your partner.

"Stress and lack of sleep are in fact the greatest mood killers," she explains.

For example, you can hire someone to help clean once a week if household work becomes too much to manage or start a meditation or breathing practice with your partner if you think that work stress affects your link.

In relation: 11 sexual positions for women you can try tonight .

Conclusion

If you feel like you are sexually attracted to your partner, don't worry. Not only is it relatively common for the attraction of fading over time, but it is a problem that is solved.

Do not forget to be patient with yourself - and your partner - while you work to revive sexual desire. The more pressure you put on yourself to restart this sexual attraction, the less like you are to find it.

Instead, focus on identifying needs that are not met, active planning of new experiences and the trigger of the non-sexual physical touch. Experts agree that this is almost always what you do out The room that helps sexual attraction to flower.