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And if there was a shortcut to find love ? A way to connect quickly with someone and eliminate anyone who is not a match? It would not be the simplest path and would require a certain extraversion. But in the end, you can leave after having a new romantic connection. Would you do it? If this is the case, you might be interested in knowing more about the 36 questions that lead to love. Read the rest to discover what they are and why they work.

In relation: 21 questions for a new relationship .

36 Questions to fall in love: the arthur Aron experience

In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron published the results of a study focused on how structured interactions can accelerate privacy Between men and women. To demonstrate the complaint, Aron has developed 36 questions that force people to be opened, honest and vulnerable.

The questions were initially inspired by a colleague who had presented a similar set at a conference in 1991 but who never published them. These are also the same questions that inspired a romance between two of Aron's laboratory assistants, who finally married.

"A key scheme associated with the development of a close relationship between peers is supported, degenerating, reciprocal and personal self-divulgation," wrote the authors of the study.

The questions are divided into three sets which become more and more personal. During the experience, the participants were invited to ask themselves the questions. They were also asked to spend several minutes to establish supported visual contact at the end of each session.

A renewed interest in the work developed shortly after Mandy Len Catron wrote his modern love essay 2015, " To fall in love with anyone, do that ", in which she recounts her own experience with the 36 questions. She continued to marry the man with whom she exchanged them.

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How do 36 questions work

Having the feeling that someone loves you.

According to Aron, one of the strongest predictors of romance is in fact to believe that the other person loves you, which is why you will see guests like " Tell your partner something you already like about them "On the list of questions.

"It turns out that it is a huge factor to feel close to someone," he explained to American Psychology Association . "And in fact, it is a huge factor to initially fall in love ... thinking that the other person loves you."

But why? It is actually quite simple: these statements give us the confidence and the enthusiasm necessary to move forward with someone new.

Communicate vulnerabilities.

Establishing a sense of shared vulnerability is also a large part of Aron's experience. The more you get in the list, the more you must reveal on yourself - but these disclosure are only a piece of the puzzle. According to Aron, having the impression that someone was receptive, responsive and attentive to what you say is really what helps the intimacy to build.

Discover what you have in common.

Not only is about shared interest an easy way to launch an engaging conversation, but it also acts as a shortcut to feel comfortable with someone. And here is a surprise: you don't even need to have a lot of time in common to enjoy the advantages of this feeling As if you have things in common. According to Study, even listing a few things that interest you both, it is validated enough to feel like you really get along.

In relation: How to say if he loves me? 15 signs a man falls in love .

How to use the 36 questions to fall in love

Don't just do them on someone.

This exercise is a question of intention, it is therefore preferable to be clear about what is happening on the agenda before starting. Remember that these prompts are personal enough, so you should certainly give the other person a head before presenting.

In turn.

Reciprocity is essential here, it is therefore important that you both participate as indicated. Things like mutual vulnerability, enthusiasm to know each other and have things in common are what catapults us really towards intimacy - and none is possible to achieve when only one person does the work.

Ask the questions in order.

These questions are deliberately divided into sections and go into a particular order. Jumping into more intimate questions could discourage the other person or make them uncomfortable. Starting Slow allows them to get used to the process. The more relaxed they are, the more likely they are to open on the whole line.

Be honest.

The interest of Aron's experience was to help people establish real connections. Entering something other than an honest approach is not a very lasting decision. So say the truth and be on the lookout for someone you can really see a future.

Listen carefully.

You cannot forge a large part of a connection with someone if you are not paying attention to them. During an episode of American scientist Podcast, Aron insisted: "If you talk about something really personal, it is really important to feel this reactivity . This responsiveness has a great effect. "So, practice your active listening skills, stay present and clearly indicate that you really focus on what they have to say.

Take breaks.

These questions are not easy to answer. Take advantage of the fact that the list is already divided into different sections. Take advantage of the frequent breaks and only climb up when you are ready and enthusiastic about going ahead.

In relation: How do you know if you like a girl? 12 signs that say she is interested .

The 36 questions

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you like as an invite for dinner?
2. Would you like to be famous? How?
3. Before making a phone call, have you ever repeated what you are going to say? For what?
4. What would be a "perfect" day for you?
5. When did you sang for yourself? To someone else?
6. If you could live at the age of 90 and keep the mind or body of a 30-year-old man in the last 60 years of your life, which one would you like?
7. Do you have a secret intuition about how you die?
8. Name three things that you and your partner seems to have in common.
9. What about your life do you feel the most grateful to you?
10. If you could change something about how you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story as much as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow after winning a quality or a capacity, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or something else, what would you like to know?
14. Is there something that you've been dreaming of for a long time? Why didn't you do it?
15. What is the greatest achievement of your life?
16. What do you appreciate the most in a friendship?
17. What is your most precious memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in a year, you would die suddenly, would you change something about how you live now? For what?
20. What does friendship mean for you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternatively sharing something that you consider as a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five elements.
23. How much is your family close and hot? Do you think your childhood was happier than most others?
24. What do you think of your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three readings "we" each. For example, "we are both in this direction room ..."
26. Complete this sentence: "I would have liked to have someone I could share with ..."
27. If you were to become a close friend of your partner, please share what would be important for him to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; Be very honest this time, saying things you might not tell someone you just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you cry for the last time in front of another person? On your own?
31. Tell your partner something you already like about them.
32. What is the case where is too serious to be joking?
33. If you had to die this evening without any opportunity to communicate with someone, what would you regret the most to have said to someone? Why didn't you tell them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you have, takes fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to make a final dashboard safely to record a single article. What would it be? For what?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing? For what?
36. Share a personal problem and ask for your partner's advice on how he could manage it. Also ask your partner to think about how you seem to feel the problem you have chosen.

So, do the 36 questions actually work?

Will these 36 questions absolutely help you find love? No. There are very few absolute with regard to relationships. But what they can To do is to help rationalize the construction of privacy with a potential partner. "This procedure should deepen the relationship, but it does not necessarily make you fall in love," Aron explained During an interview Married . "If everything else is in place, it won't hurt. There are no negatives." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

Wrap

That's all, but be sure to come back with us soon for more information on life, love and how to find your perfect match.