How a "sleep divorce" can save your relationship, shows new research

If you cannot have a good night in bed with your partner, think of a new arrangement.


Waking up after a poor night's sleep is never pleasant. Wake up after a poor night's sleep due to your Partner snoring , throw and turn, or search the bed is unpleasant And Growe resentment and perhaps even jealousy on their restful sleep - which is why the concept of "sleep divorce" becomes more common.

In this arrangement, couples (which we must note very well can be otherwise happy and satisfied in their relationship) decide to sleep in separate beds or rooms, whether every evening, only on weekdays or in a schedule more flexible. And although the term "divorce" has negative connotations inherent in a relationship, new research highlights the possibility of this trend. Continue to read to find out what a sleep divorce really is, how it can do or break your relationship, and if that suits you.

In relation: What your style of sleep says about your relationship, according to the therapists .

Lack of sleep can have serious consequences.

Woman lying in bed with her male partner, awake and looking anxious.
Laylabird / Istock

For most adults, the Sleep Foundation advises " at least seven hours Sleep every night for appropriate cognitive and behavioral functions. "A constant lack of sleep can increase the risk of conditions and diseases such as" obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, cerebral vascular accidents, poor mental health and early death "The institution shares.

In addition, it can have a considerable impact on your mood and how you interact with others. "Bad sleep can have a considerable impact on your relationship", share Chris Winter , MD, neurologist and mattress cabinet Sleep Health Expert . "People are more irritable, less able to read emotions, more impulsive and more prone to depression if they do not sleep enough."

However, according to a 2022 survey Directed by Gallup in partnership with the Mattress Casper brand, one in three American adults describe their sleep as "just" or "poor".

This is why some couples turn to sleep divorces.

Handsome young man sleeping in bed at home
Dean Drobot / Istock

A survey of sleep in 2023 of US News & World Report have found that around 33% of respondents prefer to sleep in a separate bed as their partner, indicating that this idea is not so unusual. In fact, very recently, Cameron Diaz said: "We have to normalize the separate rooms", while appearing on Molly Sims' And Emese Gormley podcast Lipstick on the edge .

As CNN reported , Diaz, who says she is married to her husband Benji Madden , continued to share: "For me, I would literally do it, I have my house, you have yours. We have the family home in the middle. I'm going to sleep in my room. You will sleep in your room. I Am good. And we have the room in the middle in which we can revoke for our relationships. "

However, the advantages of a sleep divorce are not only anecdotal. A recent study Published in the journal Current biology shows that "the co-sleep is not always positive and that insomnia can be transmitted between the partners of the bed", according to a Press release .

To achieve their results, researchers from the University of Michigan "followed the behavior of the sleep of mice in a social context". They found that, while the mice wanted close contact, they often woken up.

In relation: 7 things that divorced people want to have done differently in their marriage .

Therapists agree that a sleep divorce can be a positive change.

Top view of a happy woman wearing a funny pink sleeping mask enjoying morning lying in comfortable bed
Fizkes / Shutterstock

Therapists who work with couples also support sleep divorce as a solution, as it can reduce feelings of resentment. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"Our ability to sleep is associated with our relational health. Partners who sleep better are more empathetic, compatiating, intentional and flexible", Share Domenique Harrison MPH, LMFT, LPCC, relational therapist known as the name The therapist in racial actions .

"A sleep divorce also invites partners to be opened and direct their needs, their desires and their desires. The partners are more courageous, stand in their integrity and take healthier relational risks," she adds.

But experts have advice on sleep sleep properly.

man sleeping in bed at home at night
Floor image / trigger

Although Harrison is generally in favor of sleep divorces, she emphasizes that there are certain measures to take for a healthy arrangement. First of all, she recommends that the two partners are on the same wavelength to start, then continue to register.

"Certain additional things to explore concerning a beneficial divorce on sleep include sleep standards, stories stigmatized on" sleeping in different beds and rooms ", and the positive and negative feelings / stories of each partner on a sleep divorce", she says.

Of course, intimacy is another large question mark when it comes to a sleep divorce, and experts agree that it is important to cut yourself for a time dedicated to this.

"Try choosing a bed used for privacy and planning sex regularly to make sure your two physical needs are satisfied," suggests Shelby Harris , Psyd, DBSM, a approved clinical psychologist and director of sleep health at Sleepopolis .

Suzannah Weiss , Relationship coach and resident sexologist for the fun product brand Biir , recommends building a routine at bedtime to feel even closer to your partner.

"You can hit yourself in turn, brush your teeth together, or make sure you kiss good night. You can also make a point to kiss and / or kiss when you get up in the morning," she shares with Better life . "Another fun thing to do could be to have occasional pajama evenings and make it one night. Make popcorn, watch a film together and cuddle before falling asleep in the same bed."

In relation: 5 signs your relationship is directed to a "gray divorce", say the therapists .

And it doesn't have to be one thing every night.

Man and woman lying on bed at home and cuddling, embracing and enjoying weekend together
istock

Divorce implies permanence, but a divorce of sleep can take different forms and evolve over time. For example, some couples only sleep separately during the week, which is particularly common if a partner has a very different work schedule.

If you are not ready to engage in a full sleep divorce, winter suggests only sleeping certain days of the week. "This is up to the category of" two days of good sleep is better than nothing, "he says." Doing this can eliminate guilt that you do not sleep together, it allows you to sleep necessary, and it gives you the Possibility to determine if your spouse is really your sleep saboter. "

In some cases, a sleep divorce can report problems.

Woman sitting on bed upset with female partner looking on in the background
istock

In Harrison's professional opinion, a sleep divorce can indicate problems in the relationship when used to avoid more important problems.

"When the partners accept a sleep divorce, put the practice in place and avoid everything that led them to the decision, they create a new relational model which is classified, supposed and disconnected," she explains.

And, of course, if a partner is not entirely aboard the plan, it can arouse the feelings of resentment that the sleep divorces seek to eliminate.

"Going to something you have not chosen can cause more stress and trauma in the relationship," notes Harrison, who adds that this person can feel "loneliness, conflicts, threats, rigidity and insecurity "accordingly.

As with most relationship problems, the key here is an open and honest communication - and perhaps a new set of bedding.

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