6 ways whose cheaters encourage you to forgive them, new research say
If you know what these manipulation tactics look like, you are less likely to fall in love with them.
Each relationship is unique, which means that only you can determine whether or not it is Give your partner a second chance After cheating. That said, it is super important to pay attention to how your significant other behaves after the light of an indiscretion. Are they really full of remorse? Were they able to identify what made them cheat? And above all, do they take active measures to rebuild confidence with you and prevent it from happening again? You can also be aware of new research This revealed the ways in which cheaters convince their partners to forgive them.
"Although it is not necessarily unhealthy to forgive a partner for having cheated, you must make sure that you really feel that it is worth forgiving," said Suzannah Weiss ,, Coach and sexologist in Bedbible. "Knowing the tips that cheaters use can help you be in handling. It is important to check you intrinsically and see what you feel cheating, rather than letting the other person tell you what you should to feel."
Researchers have identified 41 acts to which cheaters often use. These acts were then classified into six different types of persuasion tactics. Here is what you need to know about these six strategies - and why some of them are problematic.
In relation: 8 red flags that come out the cheating, the therapists warn .
1 Blame the victim
Aura de los santos , A clinical psychologist At Ehproject, says that many cheaters will often assert that the reason they cheated is because they felt far away or unloved by their partner.
It may seem easier to simply meet your needs by someone else rather than trying to work on the problems of your own relationship, explains Los Santos. But that does not do things correctly, and it is certainly not an excuse to be unfaithful. Unless they take responsibility for their actions, it is only a way to blame you for their infidelity.
"People use this victim's blame strategy to minimize their own role in cheating," adds Weiss. "It works because sometimes there is a grain of truth. Sometimes the behavior of the other partner plays a role in cheating. However, it is something to be raised in the months of therapy. Validate and S ' Excuse with the person who was deceived and to create a way for him to feel safe again. Discuss the role of the partner too early minimizes the role of the cheater. "
2 Emphasize relational importance
Sometimes cheaters will also focus on reminding you how much you are invested in the relationship, so you are less likely to leave.
But actions speak more than words, says Weiss. It's a much best sign if the cheater watch you are their own investment in the relationship - for example, being willing to see a couple therapist , ask for what you need and follow, or make intentional changes in their behavior to help you feel more safe.
In relation: To be around it makes your partner more likely to cheat, says a new study .
3 Minimize infidelity
"It was just sex and nothing more." "It didn't mean anything!" "I have no feeling for them or anything. You know how much I love you." These types of declarations minimize cheating, making you feel like you have to overcome it quickly and forgive your unfaithful partner.
"This can be a way to relieve concerns on the part of the victim that they will be left to someone else," said Weiss. "But the word" just "should never be used because it is intrinsically trivializing. It is better to say:" I am not in love with this other person, and I blocked their number - or something else Concrete to transmit this is not a continuous connection. "
In the end, it doesn't matter if they don't think it was a big problem, "said Weiss:" Trying to minimize it is a huge red flag. "
4 Use children, relatives and friends
By far one of the most calculating movements that a cheater can make is to involve your other loved ones as a means of guilt of guilt You forgive them. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
"For example, they can say that children would be traumatized by separation," said Santos.
But as Weiss points out, even if the divorce can negatively affect children, the same goes to stay in a relationship where a person feels betrayed and resentful.
"Remember: two separate people can always have a happy family," adds Santos.
In relation: 5 questions that your partner can ask if they cheat, the therapists say .
5 Promising that this will not happen again
Checking not to cheat is a good start, says Weiss - but when confidence has been broken, it is difficult to take your partner in the word. The famous sentence, "once a cheater, always a cheater" certainly does not help.
"If your partner says it, make sure they also take concrete measures to make sure it does not start again," said Weiss.
You can even ask them: how will you make sure not to cheat in the future? What do you do to prevent this?
6 Relationship repair
Finally, the latest tactics cheaters can use to keep their partners looking for help to repair the relationship - talk, a couples therapist. Experts agree that this is the only healthy strategy to use, because it is intended to cure injuries caused by cheating rather than simply relieving the cheater of their guilt or manipulating you in the stay.
"Someone who deceived you must make sure you say that the main objective of counseling couples is to see how it can restore confidence in the relationship, so as not to look at the role you played," said Weiss Better life .
According to Weiss, the cheater should also offer to pay the advice because it is their actions that have justified professional support.
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