64% of couples committed "financial infidelity" - how to stop it in your relationship
This habit can be common, but that does not mean that it goes, according to experts.
I have always hidden a package in your closet, erased your browser shopping history or deleted e-mail receipts to Keep your partner in darkness About your purchases? Apparently, there is a term for this - "financial infidelity" - and it is much more common than you think.
A recent Circuit study noted that 64% of the people who live with their partners have used these habits in the past year, spending an average of $ 475 on the back of their partners. This may seem harmless, but the circuit study has shown that the opposite was true: 1 out of 4 participants say that these behaviors constitute cheating, and 1 in 10 say that hidden purchases are more bad than emotional affair . Another 1 out of 10 admits that this habit had a negative impact on their sex life.
"Financial infidelity violates the confidence that is fundamental to a healthy partnership", explains Taylor Kovar, a certified financial planner and CEO to The money couple And Kovar Wealth Management . "This form of dishonesty can cause significant stress, conflicts and a feeling of betrayal."
Do not let financial infidelity erode confidence and privacy in your relationship. In advance, experts share the four best ways to avoid this destructive habit.
In relation: 8 red flags that come out the cheating, the therapists warn .
1 Work on the creation of a "safe space" in the relationship.
According to Jason Powell , an approved wedding and family therapist and founder of Attached therapy , hiding purchases generally indicates a deeper fear of vulnerability.
"If someone feels obliged to hide their expenses, he probably feels a degree of discomfort similar to share his sexual desires, his needs and his level of satisfaction in the relationship," he explains.
For this reason, Kovar strongly recommends promoting an open communication environment and without judgment in the relationship.
"Couples should strive to create a safe space where they can discuss their financial opinions, habits and concerns without fear of negative repercussions," he explains. "This implies listening actively, showing empathy and working together to understand the personalities and financial objectives of the other."
These efforts will help cultivate a feeling of emotional security, which will guarantee that none of you feel the need to hide purchases in the first place.
2 Define clear limits around expenses.
Danielle K. Roberts , co-founder of the Finance Council at Boomer Advantages , advises to ensure that you are on the same wavelength on the types of financial decisions you need to consult you.
"Occasional personal indulgence is understandable if it is agreed in cooperation," she explains. However, it is better to discuss expensive purchases before you do - and this is particularly crucial if you use a debit or joint credit card .
You may be able to decide a reasonable monthly allowance for each of you to use for all personal desires and needs, whether that includes new clothes, dinners with friends or other personal articles and experiences. Or, you might agree that you should consult on purchases greater than a certain amount.
Whatever you decide, make sure it aligns your financial goals. The idea here is to ensure that there are no misunderstandings, not to give the impression of needing "permission" to treat you from time to time.
In relation: 7 Signs of body language which means that someone is lying, according to therapists and lawyers .
3 Plan regular checks.
"Money often represents more than currency - this is linked to deeper problems of power, control and self -esteem," said Kovar. "When individuals do not feel safe or dissatisfied in these fields, they can use secret financial behavior. In addition, societal pressures and stigmatization around the discussion of money contribute openly to this phenomenon." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
This is why Kovar and Sarah Keys , a financial analyst certified in divorce and main vice-president at Wealth improvement group , suggest planning regular discussions with your partner on money. This is a subject that many couples like to avoid, and by adopting a proactive approach and by putting a monthly or annual date on the calendar of these discussions, you can make sure not to sweep the potential problems under the carpet .
"Doing it has the additional advantage of allowing you to regularly monitor your progress towards your financial objectives and to think about the impact of your expenses on the term," said Keys Better life .
4 Consider working with a financial planner.
"Money is like the third wheel in many relationships, and it is a subject that can arouse a lot of emotions," said Jeff Rose , a certified financial planner and founder of Good hundred financial . "Couples often fail to have frank conversations on their financial values, their objectives and their habits."
If money conversations with your partner tend to always intensify, you may want to consider working with a certified financial planner. According to Rose, they can serve as a mediator - creating a safe environment in which to discuss these potentially triggering subjects, while helping you, you and your partner, find common ground and compromise on expenses if necessary.
Another option? Working with a couples therapist, who can help you and your partner, understand and sympathize with the mentalities of the other and to answer the deeper reasons why you may have these financial disagreements.
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