Good Lifestyle

In any relationship, things can be heated - and not in a desirable way. Good communication with a partner is perhaps the biggest scenario than this: we all want, but in a moment of conflict, it may seem impossible. Disagreements can lead to arguments of combat clouds, or even worse, a total communication of communication. To avoid these unwanted results, effectively try these strategies to fight against disagreements and dissatisfaction, as recommended by experts.

"One of the tools most useful in communication is the way you start conversations, particularly difficult, where you can have a complaint or a feeling to share," explains the approved clinical psychologist Erika Bach, Psyd . "By starting this conversation, you want to make sure you come from a soft place - vulnerable, respectful and kind - which not only understands the words you say, but the tone."

It recommends a strategy called "The soft startup", in which you could say: "When [inserting a situation] occurs, I feel [a specific emotion], and what I need you is [a state need directly]. " It is a healthier alternative to start with criticism or blame, "which evokes the defensive in the partner and a confrontation", explains Bach. "Research indicates that the way you start this conversation dictates the result, whether positive or negative."

"While waiting for the words or the perfect approach before talking to your spouse generally ends with a few perfect words and a lot of waiting," said Mark Verber, MS, LPC , an approved professional advisor with Epic Counseling Solutions. "We do not prevent anything by avoiding, and it is difficult to interpret silence. Like the old adage on the vote - in relations, we must communicate early and often."

"This does not mean that you should never say what you think, but you should really listen to what your spouse has to say before answering," said Cassandra Leclair, Ph.D. , professor of communication studies at Texas A&M. "Train to answer instead of reacting. When you listen to your spouse, you show them that you care about their thoughts and feelings. Even more easy to communicate with them effectively.

"In heated moments, our emotions can take the best of us. Start by taking a deep inspiration and a break for a few seconds to avoid impulsiveness," explains Bayu Prihandito, certified life coach and founder of Life Archite .

"It is natural to want to pass our point of view, but understanding the perspective of your partner can first make them more receptive," explains Prihandito. "You don't have to agree to validate" your partner, explains Verber. "Validation is to connect points and let your partner know that they have meaning. More than anything, they want to know that you get it."

A good way to show your partner that you get it: be an active listener. "Active listening is more than just hearing what your spouse has to say," says Leclair. "This implies fully engaging with their words, paying attention to their body language and asking clarification questions. When you actively listen, you show your spouse that you are interested in what they have to say and say that you appreciate their point of view. " Its recommendations: Store your electronic devices; Establish visual contact and nod your head to show that you listen; Do not interrupt; And ask clarification questions to make sure you understand what your partner has said.

"Do not use basic emotional vocabulary; dive deeper," explains Prihandito. "Instead of simply saying" I am upset ", be more precise. Perhaps you feel overwhelmed or underestimated. The more clear you are, the more easy for your partner to understand and respond in an appropriate manner. ""

Rod Mitchell, psychologist with Emotional clinic , calls this balanced affirmative approach: "Instead of saying:" You never listen to ", opt for" I feel unknown when you interrupt me ", which is less accusing and opens the door to a constructive discussion", he said.

A good approach consists in transforming your complaints into requests, says Verber: "Your partner is more likely to be receptive if you say:" I know you are busy, but I feel frustrated that you had not removed the trash . Do you want to do it before working tomorrow? That "you are so lazy, you never do anything here". This will increase success. "

"Couples are often caught in a communication model pursued and which draws, where a partner will continue to resolve a conversation when the other prefers to avoid completely conflicts or hard conversations," explains Laura E. Dennis, LMFT, from Morningstar Lane therapy . "This diagram leaves the couples stuck and unable to communicate effectively because they are different in their approaches. Couples can refine this model by looking for support through a therapist working with an attachment lens that supports the Rupture of this model and helps couples to communicate more actually. "

"Even when you do not agree with your spouse, it is important to be respectful. Avoid insults, insults and other hurtful languages," said Leclair. "Instead, focus on the problem in question and try to find a solution that works for both of you." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"Faced with criticism, our natural instinct is to go to the defensive. However, this often makes the other person finds himself more rooted in his position," explains Mitchell. "A more effective strategy is to find a point of view in the complaint of your spouse, thus reducing tensions. For example, if your spouse notices:" You are still so busy; We never spend time together ", recognizing their concern by saying," you are absolutely right, I was overwhelmed and that has made consequences on our time together ", can open the way to a more open and constructive dialogue. This approach makes your partner heard and validated, encouraging a more friendly resolution. "

"Sometimes the deepest conversations occur in silence," explains Prihandito. "It is normal not to fill every moment with strange words or jokes. The simple fact of being there, holding your hand and sharing a moment of calm can speak more than words."

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When conflicts occur in a relationship, "keep in mind that it is a conversation, not a legal affair", explains Verber. "No one has ever won an argument, because even when you win, you lose. Contact your partner's feelings before getting lost in the weeds that oppose details."