Good Lifestyle

The link between children and their grandparents is undoubtedly special. However, even in the closest families, you may notice that this darling relationship can sometimes be heavy. This is because, despite everyone's best intentions, generational differences can to be stuck Between the grandparents and their offspring, especially when the grandchildren become major and begin to establish their own life.

"Age and experience gap can sometimes cause misunderstandings and involuntary damage," said Ryan Sultan , MD, a child psychiatrist certified by the Council, adult therapist, and Professor at Columbia University . "Regarding intergenerational relations, it is crucial for grandparents to carefully walk in their conversations with their grandchildren."

Wondering if your own comments could cause a flaw? Read the rest to learn the eight subjects you should not ask your grandchildren, according to mental health experts.

In relation: 6 House rules that you should establish with adult children .

The job market seems very different from what it has done when you started for the first time, and the career choices of your grandchildren may seem unrecognizable to you. However, Sultan says that keeping an open mind, offering support and abstaining judgment can help preserve the relationship.

"It is easy for grandparents to assess the career choices of their grandchildren according to their own experiences. Phrases like:" Why don't you get real work? "Soft the passions and choices of the individual, especially in today's diversified labor market where non-traditional roles can be as lucrative and fulfilling as traditional roles," he explains.

Rather than offering comments, Sultan recommends becoming curious about their careers and what they think about them. "Remember to say:" Tell me more about your work. It sounds interesting! "This encourages dialogue and allows you to better understand the career of the little child," he notes.

In relation: 5 crucial limits that you must set with your parents-in-law, say the therapists .

Likewise, you may be tempted to compare the financial achievements of your grandchildren to your own status at this age, but Lachlan Brown , expert in relation and founder of the psychology site Piracy spirits , said it would be wrong. Young people today face a drop in the middle class, the prices of astronomical housing and a range of other economic problems that complicate comparison.

"Saying things like:" Does this work really pay enough? "Or" when I was your age, I had already bought a house, "can consider a critic, even if the intention was to share concerns or give advice," explains Brown.

Instead, he says that recognizing what was achievable or normative there is a generation may not apply today can greatly contribute to opening the conversation in a constructive manner. From there, you can ask more questions about their personal goals and aspirations in the context of current realities.

Respect must be reciprocal. Just as your grandchildren should ideally approach your differences with an open heart and an ear to listen, it is important that you do the same.

"Political landscapes change, and what was true or acceptable during the youth of a grandparent may not be the case today. Comments that reject or depreciate the political trends of a little child Can create an emotional ditch, "says the sultan.

"A non-conflictual approach would be", our beliefs may differ, but I would like to understand why you feel what you do "", he suggests.

In relation: 6 times you should never give your adult children money .

Mental health care came with serious stigma, but today's young people see therapy as a self-improvement tool that anyone can use to live their best life. If your little child is working on their own mental health, it is crucial not to draw conclusions on their mental state or to project your own insecurity on them.

"Mental health has not always been as openly discussed as today. Say something like:" In my time, we did not have time to be depressed "can be incredibly damaging and invalidate the Experience of a little child, "explains the sultan. "A more sensitive approach would be to say:" I may not fully understand what you are going through, but I'm here for you. ""

Not long ago, making heteronormative assumptions on family members was normal for the course. These days, assuming that your grandchildren will finally associate with someone with the opposite sex can be presumptuous, disconnected and sometimes even injuring.

"Keep your language neutral and inclusive until it shares this information with you. For example," anyone's special in your life these days? "is a way that respects questions about their relationships," suggests the sultan.

Another major generational change is that people get married later on average, and fewer people get married overall. However, it should also be noted that the divorce rate is also in decline, perhaps partly thanks to more deliberate unions.

"It is common for older generations to ask the youngest to marry or have children. However, this can create unnecessary stress and can even erase the relationship," explains Sultan. "For some, marriage or parenting may not be the life path they have chosen, or they could be faced with challenges in these areas they are not comfortable to discuss."

Instead, Sultan suggests that grandparents could express their love and unconditionally supporting, asking more open questions like: "What makes you happy these days?"

In relation: 8 best places to spend a vacation with adult children .

Commenting on the physical appearance of a little child can be deeply hurtful, says Marianne Breneman , a life coach certified for pre -adolescents, adolescents and young adults and the owner of Conscious health and harmony . AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

"The grandparents should be careful when they start what a teenager, a teenager or a young adult looks like, whether it be clothes, piercings, tattoos, hair color or something else," she said Better life . "For generations, the elderly have criticized the style of the young generations and that will never change; but if you see your grandchild, you make sneaky or judgment on their appearance, they will stop coming or to defeat. "

Discussing the weight of your grandchild can be cut particularly deeply. "Observations like:" You have gained weight, right? "Or recalling the past appearances saying:" You were still as thin as a child, "may have a deep impact on someone's self -esteem. Even if these comments come from a place of concern, they Can be considered criticism, ”says Brown.

For more family advice sent directly to your reception box, Register for our daily newsletter .

Faith and spirituality are deeply personal questions - that's exactly why they can be such a field of mines to discuss. If you have strong religious beliefs, there is no reason why you cannot share them openly with family members, but it is also important to allow your grandchildren to draw their own conclusions on this that they believe. The problem arises when you approach the conversation from a place of authority.

"Share your beliefs by all means, but allow them to freely explore their spirituality," said the Sultan. "Sentences like:" That's what I think and it was important to me. What do you think? "Leave the door open for a significant discussion," he said.