8 times, you have to stop apologizing, say the label experts
These moments require another type of response.
Do not apologize when a situation requires it - for example when you have done something insulting or harmful - can hinder healing and reconciliation. However, for each person who neglects to say sorry when she should take responsibility for their actions , there is someone else who makes overtime to apologize for the most minor offenses or no offense at all. If you find yourself offering a mea culpa freely and often, you can be in this last camp - and this could affect your relationships at home, at work and beyond.
"Admittedly, when we have caused someone pain or harm, it is perfectly appropriate to apologize. The difficulty arises when" I'm sorry "becomes a default declaration," said JDI RR Smith , founder of Consulting at the Mannersmith label . "Linguists often note that women are much more likely to use the expression" I am sorry "even when there is no guilt we have done.
Replacing excuses with a sentence that is better suited to the situation can help you go to the heart of the question, without getting started as bad. Read the rest to learn the eight times you have to stop apologizing, according to label experts.
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1 When you say your mind.
More than in many other cultures, Americans engage in a small conversation with the main objective of finding common points. But just because we have been well trained to dance on controversial subjects that you should be afraid to say your mind - or you have to apologize when you do it.
"Many people will say sorry to have a different opinion. You are entitled to your own opinion, you don't have to apologize," said Jules Hirst , founder of Label consultant . "Instead of saying sorry, you can say:" You have an interesting perspective. Here's what I think. ""
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2 When you refuse an invitation.
If you have already accepted plans that you must now cancel, excuses are in order. However, if you have received an invitation without prior discussion on your availability, you have done nothing wrong.
"Instead of apologizing for not being able to do an event, you should thank them for thinking about you and letting them know that you cannot attend. Saying:" Thank you for the invitation, but I I have a previous commitment that day "is far better than" I'm sorry, I can't get there, "said Hirst.
3 When you ask for help.
In an ideal world, we would all be able to look at each other to obtain help and support if necessary - without any feeling of guilt or attached shame. Experts say it is a dream of hand if you highlight your gratitude rather than focusing on your feeling of having imposed when you have to ask for help.
"Everyone needs help and most people are happy to lend a hand if possible," said Hirst. "People should not have to apologize for having asked for help. Instead of" sorry to bother you but could you help me ", you might say" can you save a moment for me help? ""
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4 When someone corrects a minor error at work.
There are many cases in the workplace that may force you to apologize, but many of them are not necessary. For example, if you have made a minor error on a project and someone else corrects it, you can promote a better sense of team spirit by saying "Thank you for catching this!" that you will do it with apologies.
Likewise, it is not necessary to apologize when you took a long time to respond to an email, says Laura Windsor , founder of Laura Windsor Liquette & Protocol Academy . This will only draw attention to your minor misstep. Instead of apologizing, try to open with "Thank you for your patience", she suggests.
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5 When you write a letter of resignation.
Windsor says you should be particularly attentive to unnecessary excuses to work if they write. She gives the example of writing a letter of resignation, which can go to the file. "Do not apologize on paper because the letter is a permanent record for the company and the person who leaves," she advises. AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
6 When you negotiate an increase.
Negotiation can lead to feelings of guilt or embarrassment for anyone who is not used to self-advocation so clearly, but Windsor says that it is important not to apologize for your requests during the process. This is because saying sorry will only deepen the gap between the two parties and weaken your negotiation position, rather than promoting an environment of collaboration and mutual interest.
Windsor says that it is just as important not to apologize after winning a negotiation because it can undermine the perceived legitimacy of your victory and "deepen the injury" on the other side. Instead, focus on your gratitude with an attitude towards the front about the continuous working relationship.
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7 When you feel annoying to group gatherings.
Group festivals and gatherings can trigger our social anxieties because there are so many possibilities perceived of false steps. However, most of the time, our concerns are not founded. Windsor suggests that although we can feel that we are bad, our behavior is often perfectly acceptable.
For example, she says that you should never feel the need to apologize for having approached a person or a group at an event to whom you were invited. Likewise, some people feel the need to apologize for abstaining alcohol. (This should never require an apology or even an explanation, notesur notes.)
The organization of the party can cause even more increased insecurity, but you never need to apologize for the appearance of your home or what you serve for dinner, adds Windsor. "When you prepare to entertain yourself, you don't have to impress people with what you have, so don't apologize for what you don't have," she said Better life .
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8 When someone is angry but you don't blame.
Some people are particularly sensitive to the emotions of others and feel the need to apologize during the first sign of anger - even when they are not to blame. This is understandable because apologies can help appease the situation or smooth the conversation, but this can also place you on the hot seat without reservation.
Smith says it's the ideal time to try other answers that come to the root of the problem, without supposing guilt. Listening actively to better understand the problem, repeat your understanding of the problem to this person and ask if they have ideas about how to solve the problem are all ways to get involved without taking the blame.
