6 questions you should never ask at dinner, say etiquette experts

You may not realize it, but these questions are actually considered rude.


A dinner party provides a wonderful opportunity to break bread and reconnect with friends and family. But whether you know it or not, the questions you ask other guests around the table can make or break experience .

Meredith Corning , lifestyle expert and founder and owner of Meredith Events , advises staying away from sensitive topics like religion, politics and money.

“It is always good to remember that you have no idea what is going on in a person's life, whether their day was good or bad, or whether they are grieving or celebrating. so important to remember to ask questions with that empathy in mind,” adds jenny dreizen , modern-day etiquette expert and COO of New Departures Registry . "I'm a fan of open-ended questions, which allow people to reveal as much or as little as they want and move the conversation forward rather than creating barriers to the conversation."

In an effort to keep things civil, safe, and comfortable for everyone, here are some specific questions you definitely want to avoid asking at your next dinner party.

RELATED: 5 things you should never do when you have people over in your living room .

1
"Have you lost weight?"

Friends toasting with wine outdoors
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It probably goes without saying that you should never ask someone if they've gained weight. And while you might think acknowledging someone's possible weight loss might be complimentary, it's actually just as rude.

"Questions about changes in a person's appearance can be considered intrusive and can make guests feel embarrassed or embarrassed," says Nicole Del Valle Rose , label consultant and founder of Ready and suitable .

The reality is that you never know if someone's weight loss is intentional: it could be due to an eating disorder, a medical condition, depression, or some other issue. Bringing attention to this topic puts that person in an awkward position where they are forced to share personal details that they may not want to discuss. As a general rule, avoid commenting on anyone's body – period.

"There are so many more interesting things to discuss than a person's weight loss," says Dreizen. "Ask them what's new about them instead. If they're proud of their weight loss and want to talk about it with you, I promise they'll talk about it."

RELATED: Never do these 5 things in front of guests, say etiquette experts .

2
What do you do for a living?

don't talk about work at the holiday party
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While you might not realize it, Corning says this question can make it seem like you're rating someone. Some people may be unemployed or not particularly proud of their work. Instead, Corning suggests asking, "So tell me, what's your superpower?"

"This kind of framing will likely allow you to find out what their career is without appearing basic and haughty," she explains. "It allows the person to be more creative in their response and it's a sincere question with the underlying tone that you're interested in who they are rather than what they do."

RELATED: The 6 Best Things to Ask Guests to Bring, If They Offer It .

3
"Are you dating anyone?"

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Asking someone about their love life in a social setting is one way to make them feel immediately uncomfortable, says Del Valle Rose.

"When it comes to hosting a successful dinner party, it's crucial to create an atmosphere that encourages connection and comfort between your guests," she explains. Better life . "That means avoiding interfering in their personal lives."

If it's a close friend, you can always ask about their relationship status when you're alone, but spare them the embarrassment of talking about it around a table in the presence of others. 'other people.

And while we're at it, Dreizen recommends avoiding the "Why are you still single?" question. which has an inherently critical vibe.

RELATED: 6 'polite' things you do that are actually rude, etiquette experts say .

4
"I heard you have [disease or condition XYZ], how are you?"

Friends sitting at a table talking during a dinner party
Business Images of Monkeys / Shutterstock

Surely, if you hear that a friend or family member is or was sick, whether from COVID-19 or a chronic illness, you might want to ask them questions because you care. of his health. However, etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Caves says a dinner party is not an appropriate setting for such matters.

"Never ruin the upbeat vibe of a party," she explains. "Conversation should be light and pleasant."

If you are really concerned, ask the person about their condition in a more private situation, such as during a personal phone call.

RELATED: 5 jokes you should never tell at dinner, say etiquette experts .

5
"How much did it cost?"

Woman Serving Champagne To Her Guests At A Dinner Party
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You probably know by now that asking someone what their salary is is a big no-no. While you're at it, avoid any other questions related to money and finances, says Grotts. The cost of someone's house, recent vacation, or car is simply none of your business.

Del Valle Rose recommends asking them about a recent memorable experience instead. “Travel is a universally captivating subject,” she explains. Better life . "Encourage your guests to share their travel stories, dream destinations and cultural experiences. This not only keeps the conversation light, but also provides a window into their interests and perspectives."

She also suggests asking guests about their hobbies and passions or upcoming events to find common interests and keep the conversation fresh.

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6
"Why are you so quiet?"

group of friends have dinner party on porch, everyone enjoy in food, drinking and smiling.
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"We all have different social speeds," says Dreizen. "Some of us are talkers, some of us are observers, some of us are neither, or both. We have no idea what's going on behind someone's eyes. If they stay quiet, they don't need you to point it out. To nag them about it." ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb

Instead, Dreizen advises trying to involve the person personally. You may find that they open up when given the opportunity to interact one-on-one. Since food is a topic almost everyone likes to talk about, Del Valle Rose suggests asking the person what their favorite cuisine is or sharing a recent and memorable dining experience.


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Tags: Etiquette / Home
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