5 things you should never put in a sympathy card, say the experts in label
These are not the condolences to send if you want to show yourself.
It is difficult to find the right words to say to someone in terrible circumstances, including when there was a death in their family or a close friend circle. In order to show that we care, many of us choose to Send our condolences In a sympathy card rather than having a direct conversation. But writing on mourning is his own kind of struggle, leaving many of us to worry about what we should and should not say. To help relieve part of the stress, we talked to label experts to collect information. Read more to discover five things that you should never put in a sympathy card.
Read this then: Never say these 5 words during the funeral, warns the expert .
1 "I know exactly what you feel."
Whether it's a mother, a father, a brother, a sister or another family member, most of us have lost someone at some point in our life. But it is also important to remember that "parents, relationships and feelings of loss of everyone are unique" Arlene B. England , LCSW, a approved psychotherapist Who has experience with sorrow, recalls.
"Do not presume exactly what someone feels," she says.
Janae Kim , LMFT, a Texas based psychotherapist Specializing in trauma and anxiety, also warns against the fact that our experiences seem the same as those of others, especially with regard to the death of a different person.
"This message can minimize the experience of loss of the person," says Kim. "If these words are included, the emphasis on how everyone's grief is unique should follow."
2 "At least they lived a full life."
The death of someone younger is often a sudden shock. But that does not mean that it is necessarily easier to deal with the death of a friend or a member of the older family.
"When you lose someone who keeps you on this subject, it's always too early," said Sally Collins , A Expert in a label In the space of sorrow and founder of the sympathy of messages of messages. "It doesn't matter that they lived at 110 and had the most incredible life, you will cry and cry their loss."
Consequently, messages in the sense of "at least they have lived a total life" can also be rejected as the feelings of sorrow of the other person, according to Collins.
"It is as if you were saying because they have lived a good and long life, you should not be so upset or sad of their death," she said.
3 "Everything happens for a reason."
According to Kim, another "infallible way to invalidate the invalidating a painful experience of a mourning person" is to include something like that in your sympathy.
"It amounts to saying:" Since everything happens for a reason, you should not be sad "," she explains. "This type of message must be avoided in the card at all costs."
England also warns that alluding to "higher plans" may seem preacher and does nothing to help in the moment.
"Most often, people newly in mourning are taken in what looks like an insane loss they do not understand," she said. "Meet them where they are. Listen to their pain and let them know that you can only imagine how bad they feel and wish there is more than you can do."
For more label advice delivered directly in your reception box, Register for our daily newsletter .
4 "They are in a better place now."
Some people assume that sharing their idea of a life after death is comforting for those who are in mourning. But as Collins explains, "no one who lost a loved one thinks they are in a better place because the place they want are with friends and family." AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
Including a message like this can eventually upset the other even more and "appear irflugled and unfriendly", according to Collins.
For the most part, you should avoid religious references like this, adds Carolina Estevez , Psyd, a clinical psychologist In Infinite Recovery in Austin, Texas.
"Although many people find comfort in faith during difficult times, it is important to be respectful towards different beliefs and traditions," she said. "Therefore, avoid writing religious messages on sympathy cards unless you are sure that the feeling would be appreciated by the receiver."
5 "My condolences."
One of the most common phrases that people put in a sympathy is "I'm sorry for your loss". But its frequent use is exactly what makes it a bad thing to include, according to Hannah Naidry , a license mental health advisor and founder of Therapy philosophy in Jacksonville, Florida.
"Although it is generally offered with the best intentions, this sentence may often seem shot and impersonal," explains Nayderry. "Instead, try to recognize the individual's unique pain and the particular importance of the person they lost."
