Good Lifestyle

Always looking for lighten the mood ? Perhaps even break the tension With a spiritual sentence or say? If so, look at the Funny quotes listed below. These lines are sure to laugh well, no matter what is discussed. Supplied by names that you will recognize absolutely, these remarks perform the whole range of our experiences - from finance to friendship, from parenthood to partnerships and much more.

Read this then: 107 Monday motivation quotes that will inspire you .

Funny quotes on life

1. "Why do they call it rush hours when nothing moves?" - Robin Williams
2. "The only thing worse than talking about not talking." - Oscar Wilde
3. "Never follow someone else's path. Unless you are in the woods and you are lost and you see a path. Then, by all means, follow this path." - Ellen degeneres
4. "Common sense is like the deodorant. People who need it most never use it." - Unknown
5. "A woman is like a tea bag - you cannot say how strong she is until you put her in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt
6. "It is better to keep silent and be thought of than to speak and delete any doubt." - Abraham Lincoln
7. "There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth wake up to see it." - Mindy Kaling
8. "The average dog is a more pleasant person than the average person." - Andy Rooney
9. "Do you know the problem with real life? There is no danger music." - Jim Carrey
10. "Do not say that the world must live you. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain
11. "It is so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem." - Malcolm Forbes
12. "Going to church does not make you a Christian more than going to a garage makes you an automobile." - Billy Sunday
13. "Two things are endless: the universe and human stupidity. And I am not sure of the universe." - Albert Einstein

Short funny quotes

14. "Gentlemen, you can't fight here. It's the war room." - Peter sellers As President Merkin Muffley Dr Strangelove
15. "People say that nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - A.A. Milne
16. "Fortunately, perseverance is a great substitute for talent." - Steve Martin
17. "As someone says:" To make a long story, "it's too late." - Herold
18. "There is no pleasure for the whole family." - Jerry breastfeld
19. "If I'm not back in five minutes, wait longer." - Jim Carrey As a Ventura Ace Ventura: pet detective
20. "Say what you have to say in the least possible words." - Arthur Bryant
21. "I am addicted to placebos." - Steven Wright
22. "The only time I adjusted the low bar is for limbo" - Steve Carell Like Michael Scott Office
23. "Accept who you are. Unless you are a serial killer." - Ellen degeneres
24. "One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." - Rita Mae Brown

Read this then: 86 inspiring quotes to keep you motivated today and every day .

Funny quotes on marriage and relations

25. "I'm never going to bed crazy. Stay standing and fight." - Phyllis Diller
26. "Before you marry a person , you should first make them use a computer with a slow internet service to see who they really are. "- Will Ferrell
27. "Sometimes I wonder if men and women are really suitable. Perhaps they should live next to it and visit from time to time." - Katharine Hepburn
28. "I love being married. It's so great to find a special person you want to get bored for the rest of your life." - Rita Rudner
29. "I got married out of love, but the obvious parallel benefit to have someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." - Cameron Esposito
30. "Behind each great man is a woman who rolls her eyes." - Jim Carrey
31. "Marriage is an attempt to solve the problems you didn't even have when you were alone." - Eddie Cantor
32. "To get married is like exchanging the worship of many for the sarcasm of one." - Mae West
33. "My husband and I fell in love at first glance. Maybe I should have taken a second glance." - Mia Farrow Like Halley Reed Crimes and crimes
34. "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" - GROUCHO Marx
35. "Remember that your Valentine's Day card shows that you care enough to send the best, even if you are too lazy to put it in your own words." - White Mélanie

The best funny quotes on the family

36. "I would like to have a child, but I am not sure I am ready to spend 10 years of my life by constantly asking someone where their shoes are." - Damien Fahey
37. "I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance: wait for the bathroom." - Bob Hope
38. "Some family trees wear a huge nut crop." - Wayne Huizenga
39. "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move with them." - Phyllis Diller
40. "Happiness is to have a large loving, attentive and very united family in another city." - George Burns
41. "Children are a great comfort for us in our old age, and they also help us reach it faster." - John Ruskin
42. "My father had a deep influence on me. He was crazy." - Spike Milligan
43. "The sisters never forgive themselves quite for what happened when they were five years old." - Pamela Brown
44. "A family is a unit made up not only of children but men, women, an occasional animal and colds." - Ogden Nash
45. "The other evening, I ate in a very good family restaurant. Each table had an argument in progress." - George CARLIN
46. "When your mother asks:" Do you want advice? "This is a simple formality. No matter whether you answer yes or no. You will get it anyway." - Erma Bombeck

Read this then: 198 I love you quotes to share with someone special .

Funny quotes for friends

47. "It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
48. "A good friend You will always stab in the front. "" - Oscar Wilde
49. "Statistics on mental health are only one in four Americans suffer from a form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are correct, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
50. "A friend is someone who knows everything about you and loves you all the same." - Elbert Hubbard
51. "These are the friends you can call at 4 am." - Marlene Dietrich
52. "I don't want people to be very pleasant, because it allows me to love them a lot." - Jane Austen
53. "Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a cautious enemy is preferable." - Jean de la Fontaine
54. "People who think they know everything are a great discomfort for those of us who do it." - Isaac Asimov
55. "All you have to do to be my friend is like me." - Taylor Swift
56. "There is nothing like vomiting with someone to make you old friends." - Sylvia Plath

Intelligent quotes on society

57. "Clothes make man. Naked people have little or no influence in society." - Mark Twain
58. "Halloween is the start of the holiday shopping season. It's for women. The start of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve." - David Letterman
59. "Do I prefer to be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." - Steve Carell Like Michael Scott Office
60. "I am not offended by blond jokes because I know that I am not stupid. And I also know that I am not blonde." - Dolly Parton
61. "I have not failed the test. I just found 100 ways to hurt it." - Benjamin Franklin
62. "I have never developed indigestion by eating my words." - Winston Churchill
63. "Think of which world it would be if all of us, the whole world, had cookies and milk around three o'clock every afternoon, then we lengthen on our covers for a nap." - Barbara Jordan
64. "Be nice to the Nerds. You could end up working for them. We could all." - Charles Sykes
65. "People, I don't trust children. They are there to replace us." - Stephen Colbert
66. "The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and pessimistic fears, that's true." - James Branch Cabell

Read this then: 102 sad quotes on love, life and loneliness .

Funny sayings on aging

67. "Like you to get old Three things happen. The first is your memory, and I don't remember the other two. "- Norman wisdom
68. "You know you have reached the average age when you are warned of slowing down by your doctor, rather than the police." - Joan Rivers
69. "I don't feel old. I don't feel anything before noon. So it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope
70. "The secret to stay young is to live honestly, to eat slowly and to lie about your age." - Ball of Lucille
71. "Old age is always a fifteen years older than me." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
72. "Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth." - Unknown
73. "My mother always said: the more you get older, the better you get, unless you are a banana." - Betty White While we have increased by Golden Girls
74. "My best birth control is now just to leave the lights on." - Joan Rivers

Funny quotes on work

75. "If at the beginning you do not succeed, try, try again. So stop. It is useless to be a hell of a madman on this subject." - BATHROOM. The fields
76. "Never push back until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well." - Mark Twain
77. "I choose a lazy person to do a difficult job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do so." - Bill Gates
78. "Most people work hard enough not to be dismissed and be paid just enough money not to stop." - George CARLIN
79. "I am a friend of the working man, and I prefer to be his friend to be one." - Clarence Darrow
80. "If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you would not have a job if he was smarter." - John Gotti
81. "I used to sell furniture to make a living. The problem was, it was mine." - The Dawson
82. "No man goes before his time - unless his boss leaves early." - GROUCHO Marx

Read this then: The wishes (and quotes) of retirement for friends, family and colleagues . AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB

Hilarious quotes on food

83. "When the waitress asked me if I wanted my pizza to be cut into four or eight slices, I said:" Four. I don't think I can eat eight. "" - Yogi Berra
84. "Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy." - Benjamin Franklin
85. "As a child, my family's menu was made up of two choices: take it or leave it." - Buddy Hackett
86. "I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store had not. So I had a cake." - Mitch Hedberg
87. "Instead of the past, the present and the future, I would prefer chocolate, vanilla and strawberry." - Brilliant ashleigh
88. "A party without a cake is only a meeting." - Julia Child
89. "Do not ask what you can do for your country. Ask what is for lunch." - Orson Welles
90. "He was a daring man who first eaten an oyster." - Jonathan Swift
91. "The strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar in four pieces with bare hands - then eat only one of the rooms." - Judith Viorst

Funny quotes on money

92. "People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always thought that if you have enough money, you can have a key made." - Joan Rivers
93. "A rich man is nothing other than a poor with money." - BATHROOM. The fields
94. "They were such a primitive people that they did not know how to get money except working for it." - Joseph Addison
95. "I made my old -fashioned money. I was very nice to a rich parent just before his death." - Malcolm Forbes
96. "Many people want to ride with you in the limousine, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limousine decomposes." - Oprah Winfrey
97. "The one who said that money cannot buy happiness did not know where to buy." - Gertrude Stein
98. "Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money." - Jackie Mason
99. "Whoever tells you that money cannot buy happiness has never had." - Samuel L. Jackson
100. "Money cannot buy health, but I would be satisfied with a wheelchair framed in diamonds." - Dorothy Parker

Wrap

This is all for our funny list of quotes, but be sure to check soon with us! Better life Agrees to help you find the right words, whatever the opportunity. You can also Subscribe to our newsletter So you don't miss it!