8 "small but toxic" things to stop telling your partner, according to the therapists
There are easy ways to change these hurtful sentences.
Regarding relationships, little things are thebig things. Of course, it is important that you both align yourself with the main objectives of life and that you shower them with gifts on their birthday. But more importantly, this is the way you interact with them on a daily basis. Some sentences make your partner feel loved and neat, while others make them feel neglected, rejected and rejected. Here, the therapists tell us these negative - and sometimes toxic - sentences that lead to a corner between you and your partner. Read the rest for means to reformulate for a more productive discussion.
Read this then:The 6 words that you should "never" tell your partner, according to a therapist.
1 "Give me an example."
If you and your partner work through a problem and ask them to "give you an example" of a moment when you behaved in a certain way, you essentially put them in the challenge of proving that their declaration is valid , ExplainConsul Lauren,,Authorized and family wedding therapist, in a tiktok video. However, there is a means of productivity of this issue.
"If it comes from an authentic place of curiosity, trying to learn and get out of it, then it's really very useful," explains consul. "There is a toxic approach that puts our partner on the defensive and creates a disconnection, and an approach to a real curiosity and an understanding that help us grow."
2 "I hear you, but ..."
Consul notes that the "but" in this sentence can create a gap between you and your partner. Instead, explain your point of view more clearly.
Consul suggests redesign this sentence to something like: "I hear how upset you are on this subject and I have a different perspective. Do I share this now?"
Read this then:5 signs of body language which means that your partner wants to break, according to the therapists.
3 "Again this?"
Use the expression "this again?" Can become defensive or angry. Once this happens, your discussion is likely to go south.
"This question shows that the person who said that he did not want to engage in the conversation and does not think that it is worth discussing because it was discussed previously," saidNatasha Deen, LCPC, NCC, therapist atGolden counseling in gold. "This invalidates for a partner who wants to discuss something that can weigh them." Important. "
4 "I'm sorry you felt like that."
This sentence changes the blame to your partner. "When you say:" I'm sorry that you feel that "after saying something to upset them, you don't apologize or do not press yourself for saying something hurtful," saidBrianna Morgis, PHD, lmft, assistant profession of counseling psychology atUniversity of the Delaware Valley. "Instead, you send a subtle message that it is the responsibility of your partner or the" fault "of feeling upset."AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
Tell this sentence to something like "I'm sorry to have made you feel that" or "I'm sorry to have said / done that and has turned you up," suggests Morgis.
5 "It is not something that he is upset."
This sentence reduces your partner's feelings. "Everyone will have their own reactions to specific problems, circumstances and events and an answer like this labels their emotional response as" bad ", saysAshley Weigl, Llmsw, mph, aTherapist who specializes in work with couples. "This can cause disconnection and make your partner feel alone in his distress."
Instead, ask a question. "What about getting upset? Help me understand so that I can help," recommends Weigl.
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6 "The partner of my best friend does not care."
Compare your partner to your friends's partners is forced to finish badly. Consul recommends reformulating this as a question that puts your partner's feelings before and at the center. For example, "Can you help me understand what is so overwhelming for you?"
7 "Why can't you let that go?"
Some problems take a while to solve - and to say that this sentence can stop your progress.
"If we really want our partners to let something go, inviting a conversation in an authentic way can help. Something like 'I notice that it often appears for us, and I want to understand why this problem seems so important to you. Maybe you. You share more and help me understand? "" Suggests Weigl. "Then listen to really, excuse yourself sincerely if necessary, work in collaboration to solve the problem with your partner and give it time." When The problem is fully resolved, it will stop coming.
Read this then:5 things you should never tell your spouse, according to marriage advisers.
8 "If you just wanted to calm down, everything would be fine."
Telling your partner to calm down can have the opposite effect. "When your partner hears this, he thinks that" I am too much for this person I love, and I cannot share my real emotions with them "", explains Weigl. "The long -term effect is that your partner will withdraw and withdraw, because he may be afraid to share with you deeper or more overwhelming feelings."
Instead, tell them that you can see that they are turned upside down and ask if there is something you can do. "This will lead to a connection, make your partner less alone and encourage future sharing because he knows that he can turn to you when he feels in difficulty," says Weigl.
