The thing n ° 1 which predicts a successful marriage, say the therapists
If you don't do that, you'll want to start soon.
It is easy to define a "successful" marriage as a base on a solid basis of confidence, love and respect. But for most of us, the real test of a relationship is whether or not to resist the time test. Even the strongest links can be difficult to maintain forever, especially long after thehoneymoon ends. There is no perfect way to predict the future with 100%precision, but the experts suggest that there is a key indicator that increases the probability of this elusive "fortunately forever" for your marriage. Read the rest to discover what therapists say could make all the difference.
Read this then:The 6 words that you should "never" tell your partner, according to a therapist.
In a relationship, you and your partner both make "offers".
If you know basic relational psychology, you probably know the "offers". If you have never heard this term used outside an auction house, rest assured that the principle is quite similar - except in this case, your partner lifts his paddle by asking (verbally or non -verb) for you Connect with you. These can be subtle, such as letting an "exasperating sigh" or more direct escape, like asking you to take a romantic date.
First defined byJohn Gottman, PhD and his wife,Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, co-founders of the Gottman Institute and Love Lab, "An offer isAny attempt From one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection or any other positive link. "According to Gottmans and their expert colleagues, the way you react to these clues is crucial.
You have the choice between three options.
The concept of offers has been explored in a1992 study published in theJournal of Family Psychology, where the Gottmans were able to predict the future of marriages with94% precision, according to an article by CNBC corigued by the couple.
The researchers interviewed new newlyweds for the study, then followed six years later. The couples remained together and divorced, but those who were still married had something in common: they "turned to" their partners more often when they made an offer.
"Turn" means responding and engaging your partner when it makes an offer, while "turning away" means that you ignore your partner and that "you return" means that you completely reject their offer, according to the Gottman Institute website.
Illustrating the importance of the offers, couples who were still getting married after six years turned around 86% of the time, while those who divorced turned to each other at only 33% of the time.
Read this then:5 signs your relationship is directed to a "gray divorce", say the therapists.
Therapists say that turning to your partner can have a protective effect.
The offers can be confusing if you do not know what to listen to and search, but according to the Gottman Institute, it is sure to say that if your spouse tries to engage with you, you must accept this interaction and respond appropriately. This effectively claims your connection and lets your partner know that you are there.
"Turning to your partner means using your partner as a resource, but also making you available as a resource for your partner", "Ryan Sheridan, nurse in psychiatric mental health ofProactive psychiatry, said. "Being a resource is dynamic. He says:" Hey, I'm here for you ", or" Hey, I need you ", in all our interactions."
Rhonda Stewart Jones, Msw, lcsw,About Face Consulting, LLC, adds that the shooting of your partner promotes success by ensuring that you communicate.
"This is an indication of success in the relationship because it allows an opportunity for increased communication," she saidBetter life. "In any relationship, when there is an opportunity to improve communication, this increases the chances of success in the relationship because without strong communication, relationships do not survive."
If you catch one, don't close it.
When you close or do not recognize these offers, the search suggests that you put your weddingon the line. "When couples separate, it is generally not because of big problems such as conflicts or infidelity," explains a video on the Gottman Institute website. "More often, it is the result of resentment and the distance that accumulate over time when the partners are continuously turning away from the offers for the connection."AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
Stewart Jones also points out, because ignoring your partner effectively puts barriers. "Turning away from your partner is detrimental because by diverting yourself, you slowly build a wall where you let your partner know that you are not at their disposal," she said. "In addition, this decreases the chances of good communication because you do not speak at times when communication is the most crucial."
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The offers can be difficult, but there are ways to let your partner know that you listen to.
No one is perfect, so you are not going to catch each of your spouse's offers. However, there are ways to increase your ability to recognize and turn to them.
In the CNBC article, the Gottmans recommend that you register with your partner and "take the money". In simple terms, these positive interactions have value (such as money) - when you collect them, they add up and can make a difference over time.
Sheridan advises that having more of these interactions also strengthens your marriage as a whole, just as exercise can strengthen your muscles. The two forms of force are useful when they are put to the test.
"If we go to the gymnasium and lift weights, we become stronger. If we stop going to the gymnasium, we lose this strength. Our relationship is not different," he explains. “Whenever we turn to our partner, our link is strengthened. We are stronger at the gymnasium over time; The uprising of the same weights becomes easier. Likewise, turning to our partner becomes easier, so we have the strength to resist the most difficult waters. ""
