5 signs your relationship is directed to a "gray divorce", say the therapists
Late divisions can happen to anyone. Here's how to know if you're in danger.
You may think that once you have been together for several decades, your wedding is impenetrable. Although you can have tiffs here and there, you are generally happy, without conflict and, above all, comfortable. But not so fast. According toAmerican Bar Association (ABA), gray divorces or divorces that occur later in life, are increasing. People aged 50 and over currently represent a quarter of all divisions, and one in 10 of these people are over 65 years old. So you shouldn't assumeIt could never happen to you. To help you identify the signs that a gray divorce could be on the horizon, we have chatted with therapists who tell us the red flags which mean that a relationship could be directed towards a late split in life. Read the rest to note them early.
Read this then:69 percent of divorced women have this in common, the study said.
1 You omit future objectives.
The way you plan your future is a big problem. So, if one or both are starting to leave the other out of their discussions or their visions, it is probably a sign that there is difficult to come.
"Earlier in marriage, when things are good, a couple's plans are always" we are going to buy a house "," we go on vacation "," what are we going to do after retirement? "", SaidTina Marie del Rosario, LCSW, MSW, and the owner ofCollective healing therapy group. "When these types of plans and activities cease to perform as a unit, marriage goes towards trouble."
In the early stages, this change can even occur unconsciously. For example, your partner can talk about their retirement using "I" pronouns as opposed to "we" - so keep your ears peeled.
2 You spend much more time apart.
When you retire, it is natural that you spend a few overtime except than usual. After all, how would you like each time for all these hobbies for which you are preparing? But if it becomes extreme, note.
"Doing things separately is generally neglected because after spending 30 years with someone, it is normal not to share each experience together," explains Del Rosario. "It is difficult to differentiate the normal progression from increased individuality in relation to the desire tonot Spend time with a partner. As in, "I like my calm time, and I appreciate my time alone" against "I don't want to be in your presence". »»
Read this then:If you and your spouse do it together, you are 3.5 times more likely to divorce.
3 Your children are heading for university.
In many cases, gray divorce occurs in couples with children who have reached college age. "Somewhere along the line where both decided that they hang on to the relationship until children go to university," saidRich Heller, MSW, CPC, and founder ofRicious. "The way this happens is that couples become very focused on the education of children and stop building their own relationship. Everything becomes to ensure that children are doing well."
As children become more independent, parents continue their own interests as opposed to their partnership. "They slip into parallel and even divergent lifestyles," adds Heller. "They live parallel lives where two individuals coexist with very little investment in their relationship and they become more like roommates." Of course, this lack of investment in the relationship can mean that the divorce will soon be to come.
4 You have a lot of divorced friends.
Although people do not always imitate their friends, it is not a good sign if your spouse is constantly spending time with the divorced.AE0FCC31AE342FD3A1346EBB1F342FCB
"The person who wants divorce spends a lot of time with divorced friends," saidElliott Katz, aCoach and author of the relationship. "When they are with their divorced friends, they talk about their dissatisfaction in their marriage, and divorced friends encourage them to divorce as they did." Obviously, you do not want to tell your partner with whom he can spend time; But take note if their circle is heavy on the people who have recently separated.
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5 There is a total lack of conflict.
If you are bothAlways have disagreements, this means that you are invested in the functioning of the relationship. If you are not, it could be a sign that you have abandoned. "A total lack of conflicts is the place where the two individuals avoid conflicts because it is simply too painful or difficult," explains Heller. "Another sign can be a high conflict, where the two individuals simply do not get along and they are both very dominant, which leads to a conflict."
In a healthy relationship, you will both use communication skills to negotiate creative solutions. "When relations become conflicts avoiding or are stuck in a dynamic of destructive conflict, they cannot move forward and will die slowly on the vine," explains Heller.
