Good Lifestyle

You probably do not haveto marry Assuming in a few months, years or even decades, you need to look for the subtle signs of your wedding. However, while researchers atUniversity of Maryland, College Park, discovered a soaking of 18% in the total divorce rate of the United States between 2008 and 2016, theOdds a married couple divorcera In their life is still relatively high. In fact, while a little more than $ 2.2 million from the US couple attached the node in 2016, 827,261 divorces and cancellations granted the same year, according to theCenters for Disaster Control and Prevention (CDC).

And the head of a split is not necessarily a blowing fight; Instead, it's usually a slow burning that ends up brotherly.

"The wedding is hard,Marriage is the workAnd marriage is a full-time job. It's something that takes a lot of time to grow and require you to learn, grow and compromise, "says the authorized mental health advisor and the coach of lifeDr. Jaime Kulaga, Ph.D. "During this journey of learning, growth and development, sometimes, for a variety of reasons, people are moving away from each other. As an individual and a couple, we put a lot of time, money, d energy energy and perspiration in the construction of a wedding. But, if it does not work, for some, it is difficult to admit it. "

Before you stop you from blinding your wife, it's time to discover the signs that your wedding is over.

1. You live like a single person, not a married person.

Thelife of single Can be great, with few responsibilities to others other than ensuring that your invoices are paid in time. However, if you're married and you're still acting as if you're notIn a committed relationshipIt's a major red flag.

"It's perfectly ok for a spouse going out with friends who could be single," says Kulaga. "But when it's the weekly trick and starting to find yourself in single sites (ie, singles clubs / bars, singles destinations or talking with the opposite sex knowing that they are single ) It's a sign that you are desired a much different life. "

In addition, Kulaga explains that acting as if you are single can be a sign of increasing respect for your spouse. "Marriage requires true respect for the other person if he will grow up and prosper," she warns.

2. Imagine your spouse with someone else does not hurt you.

"Your wedding could be finished if you like them but you're notin I love with them, "says Kulaga." Maybe you imagine a life without them and imagine them with someone else, and you are not injured. You really want them to be happy as a person, but you do not want to grow up and spend your life with them. "

There is a big difference between living together and share a life with someone.

"In some weddings, couples live together, but that's all," says Kulaga. "They fell mentally from the years ago. They go about their daily lives separately, sleep in different rooms, are not intimate with each other. In fact, they have very little emotion and communication with each other. If you see your spouse like your roommate spouse, 'it's a subtle sign thatYour wedding could come to a closure. "

3. Your vision of the future does not include your spouse.

If you see yourself 10 or 15 years old in the line to live a totally different type of life, it's time to start wondering if your wedding will be the test of time. For most couples who make their wedding work, it means being on the same page about what your life will look like in the future. And while the changes can happen, if you have to be single so that these changes occur, this is one of the mostClear signs of your wedding is finished, or about to be.

4. The two of you have no longer sex.

Sex is not everything in a wedding, but it's nothing, either. Of course, you can not behave sexMany times a day as you did when you gathered. But if you are both physically and mentally healthy for sex, but you spend months or even years, it's a sign that your relationship is seriously unloaded.

"If you have noticed that your sexual attraction to your partner has declined considerably, it is a red flag that something serious happens in your wedding," says Kulaga. "Intimacy is a strong part of a healthy marriage. Without intimacy,Marriages end in divorce Or are filled with anger, resentment or two couples living together as if they were roommates. "

5. You make major money movements without the knowledge of your spouse.

Is it normal to have separate bank accounts or to shop daily Starbucks without consulting your spouse first? Sure.

However, if you make major purchases - a motorcycle here, a solo vacation entirely paid - without even thinking about consulting your spouse, this is one of the many signs that your wedding is over. In fact, financial problems are a major contributor to matrimonial distribution. A 2017 survey ofMagnify the money reveals that financial problems were responsible for divorces of 21% of respondents.

6. You want to cheat.

"If you haveConsistent thoughts on cheating On your spouse in general (regardless of the actor), you may need to consider why you start having these thoughts so you canImprove the health of your wedding If you wish, "Kulaga said.

7. You have an "emotional case".

"If you are talking with or text another person so as not to want your spouse to be seen, or you start meeting with someone you will fantasize on the cheat, despite physical intimacy You may risk risking your wedding and it's a sign that your marriage is directed towards a purpose, "says Kulaga.

8. Your goals do not include your spouse.

Do you want to go back to school and change careers? Are you eager to build your own home and live from the earth? Are these goals completely inaccessible if you are with your spouse? If so, it's just one of the more obvious signsyour marriage is finished.

"Create goals to help you prosper is important and necessary for a healthy marriage. What is not healthy of a wedding is to create goals without thinking about your spouse's goals, desires and needs," says Kulaga. "When you create goals that help you grow personally, but you are consciously aware that it might hurt your spouse or push the marriage in a direction that causes injury or distance, you may have chosen from your wedding."

9. You have different opinions about having children.

Have children Will not necessarily make you happy and your happy partner, and not they will not make you unhappy if they are not a priority for you. However, if you and your spouse are not on the same page to know if you or not youwant to Having children is a major red flag.

Although your relationship can work for a while, even if your opinions on the subject differ, it is likely that at least one of you will feel resentful not to have your way, putting you on afast track to divorce.

10. You are not invested in the correction of your wedding.

Setting a wedding is a difficult job. However, if you are opposed to the idea entirely and you prefer to stay miserable, your wedding can already be done for.

"Every wedding has its ups and downs. There are sometimes periods of highs that last years and other times where the stockings last as long. But during difficult times, healthy couples communicate and find ways to strengthen Quickly their marriage, "says Kulaga. "If you find yourself highlighting the wrong aspects to your wedding and rejecting all the solutions to solve this problem, you can check your wedding."

11. You apologize for spending time without your spouse.

Havingtime aloneis not just normal, it's healthy. However, if you are constantly looking for excuses to spend all your free time on your other, it's not just a minor problem. Having a romantic relationship means that you want to spend time together - and if you do not do it, you could go to the divorce.

12. You or your partner do not go to therapy.

It can be undeniably difficult to admit that you and your spouse need therapy. That said, if your marriage collapses before your eyes, at least one of you refuses to repair it, it is a sign surefire that your wedding is getting down quickly. Refusing therapy is similar to saying, "I'm not willing to solve this problem," and if so, you have probably resigned that a divorce is in your future.

13. Or the therapy does not work.

Just because you get a therapy does not mean that you can necessarily save your relationship, either. Therapy can be an excellent tool for couples, but it can not repair an irreparably broken relationship.

14. You refuse to compromise.

The compromise can be difficult, even in the healthiest marriages. But if you or your spouse even try to compromise on an important issue, it's one of the clearest signs of your wedding.

Couples who want to do things that work will do great lengths to do it, even if it means that one or both parties can not get what they want all the time.

15. You jump to the idea of ​​divorce when you are upset.

For most people in happy and magnet marriages, divorce is a four-letter word. However, if your wedding is finished, it may be the first thing you think when you and your spouse enter a fight. If your spouse does something minor to get bored and you suddenly imagine yourself living your life without them, it's a specific sign that there are more important issues involved.

16. You expressed the contempt of your spouse.

These eye rollers, mobilize and "whatvers" are not the sign of a wedding that is on the right track.

"Contempt is the most destructive negative behavior in relations, whether it is manifest, whether it is evident, that it is manifestly manifest. Essentially, contempt behaviors communicate to your partner" , I'm better than you, and I do not care about your point of view, "says sexual therapistErika Miley, M.ED., LMHC. "Contempt is often the result of negative reflections on your partner over time."

17. You do not want to listen to your spouse's problems.

Of course, it's not always a picnic to listen to someone relieving all their personal luggage. That said, if you are completely indifferent in what annoying your spouse - or if you refuse to listen entirely - it's a major sign of your relationship on certain severely unstable seeds.

18. You keep secrets from each other.

If you drag with your ex and keep it from your other significant, you are deeply indebted and I did not mention that, or do projects for the future without your partner, these great secrets are all safe. your relationship. is not long for this world.

19. You ignore the advice of the members of your inner circle.

Friends and family members can be eager to give you tips on how to repair things from your wedding, but if you refuse to take their suggestions well-intentioned to the heart, it's another sign that you are on The fast way towards a divorce.

"If friends, family and even your spouse are looking for solutions and ways to help your wedding strengthen, but you do not want to hear them, it can be a sign that your wedding is finished but you are not Not ready to admit it, "Kulaga said.

20. Your fighting turn into personal criticism.

Your spouse has forgotten to replace the cap on the toothpaste again. Your answer? Remember at that time they forgot your birthday. If it looks like you, you see some of the signs that your wedding is too located just in front of your eyes. If you can not fight without personally criticizing your spouse, it's a good sign that more important issues are potentially likely to capable your wedding.

21. And you can not speak without fighting.

If every conversation with your spouse becomes a fight, it might be time to start watchingDivorce lawyers. Having fighting without stop with your other significant, it is a good indication that there is a major disconnection between you two, probably insurmountable.

22. Or you and your spouse ceased to discuss.

While having constant arguments, it is hardly a healthy marriage sign, do not fight at all is just as important of a red flag. If you will not have good healthDebate with your spouse On a problem, you are passionate, chances are already noticed that your wedding is not in great shape and you feel that you can not do anything to change things.

23. You will not excuse you to your spouse.

WhileLove story Perhaps told the public that "love means never having to say that you are sorry", most peoplehealthy marriages will tell you that the opposite is more precise. In fact, if you will not say that you are sorry of your spouse, it's a very good indication that your marriage is over; Those who are always attached to their relationship will fight to make it work, even if it means that means admitting their own faults.

24. You can not talk to them about your problems.

Whether you treated mental health problems, work problems or problems with your friends, if you do not want to talk to your spouse about your problems, it's a huge red flag. Not only need to rely on other people for emotional support increase your risk of having an emotional connection, but not to be able to talk to your significant about the main problems of your life means that a major component of your wedding is Already missing.

25. You or your partner do you have substance abuse problems and will not get help.

While addiction is not a moral failure, it is not necessarily an obstacle that a marriage can overcome, especially if the person having the question refuses to recognize it or to receive help. And while doing illicit drugs can be a more obvious problem, many people think they are going to besocial drinkers when they are anything but. In fact, according to theCDC, an adult in six in the United States Binge drinks an average once a week.

26. You do not comply with your other significant.

Respect is a major factor when it comes to global conjugal satisfaction. If you think your partner is no longer worthy of your respect, it is one of the main signs that your wedding is excessive, that you want to admit it or not. And all the signs of lack of respect in a marriage are not screaming; Things as little as making jokes about the income or looks of your spouse who seems safe you can be a much more important problem.

27. You do not have anything in common.

If you want to know if your wedding is over, just think about the conversations you have with your spouse. When you have gathered, you have probably loved nothing more than spending time on your collective interests. But if these things you thought you had in common was revealed to be things that you or your spouse pretend like to love to bend you, you could be above your head. As a list of common interests between you and your wife Wanses, also make your chances of operating in the long run.

29. You never get not divided attention.

It's natural for your partner to check their phone when you are together from time to time, but if they do it constantly, it could be a sign that they have lost interest in your relationship and that your marriage is in difficulty .

"If your partner is still on their mobile phone, looking at YouTube, Facebook or Instagram - they can be more concentrated on what's going on there than in the relationship," explainsKatie Ziskind, LMFT, an authorized marriage and a family therapist and owner ofWISDOM TO TIPS.

29. Your relationship is constantly so drained.

Even if you do not fight constantly, it does not mean that your relationship can not drop you completely exhausted. If every second that you spend with your spouse makes you feel emotionally and physically drained, it is one of the signs that your wedding is finished.

30. You have a physical affair and will not end things.

"If your spouse has an active business and does not want to drop it, it is virtually impossible for the marriage to last," says the therapist relationshipRabbi shlomo slatkin, MS, LCPC, co-founder ofThe marriage restoration project. And if your spouse is unfaithful and want to know if you have to forgive and forget or go to the divorce, check these20 real women explain why they forgave their partners to cheat. (Spoiler alert: it did not always work in their favor.)