30 things that moms should never say in front of their daughters
What to avoid when you want to define the good example.
As a parent, you know that what you say in front of your children. As a mother, you know that your daughter listens especially close to everything you say, even if it does not necessarily agree with you or with every request you do.
The goal is that the way moms speak and in front of their daughtersIs Having sustainable implications, so it's important to choose your words carefully and banish some of your vocabulary sentences. Here's what to avoid saying when you try to raise a confident, compassionate and well adjusted girl. For more than one girl, check the30 ways to make your daughter a better leader.
1 Something negative on your weight.
Simply get this one away. "If your daughter sees you walk every day and you hear having" fat ", it can develop an unhealthy body image," saysDr. Fran Walfish, a family and a relational psychotherapist of Beverly Hills. "Be careful, like everything you say and what you do is the model model for how your children will absorb messages on themselves."
Rather than focusing on weight, it is better to focus on a healthy lifestyle and the need to reward it. "Instead of complaining," I need more exercise ", say," It's beautiful outside, I'm going for a walk, "who can inspire him to join you!" And for some very big health tips, check these20 healthy rules of life you should live.
2 Anything onher weight.
"Never say your daughter she looks big or needs to lose weight - never," saysLisa Sugarman, Collector of Opinion, Author and Parenting Expert. "Because the only thing that will do is harm his self-image and make it more self-conscious and fixed on his weight that she is probably already."
After all, the company already gives girls a lot of negative messaging on body ideals; You do not need to stack you. For more ways to stay positive, consult the15 positive body affirmations that actually work.
3 "Here, just take my credit card."
It could be easier to hand over your daughter your credit card when she needs money for clothes, a school trip or ice cream, but it reinforces the idea that money is a resource intangible and unlimited. Work with your daughter to define a budget for weekly treats or a monthly allocation to understand that money does not grow on trees and financial planning is essential. For more information on budgeting, seeThe 10 best budgeting applications to increase your savings.
4 "Sweettie, why do not you smile?"
You probably do not like people tell you to smile, so do not do it to your daughter. Telling him that she must smile and be nice all the time to be acceptable that hinders her ability to learn to feel comfortable with her anger, with possession of her anger, with the affirmation of her natural leadership, explainsPatricia O'Gorman, Ph.D., psychologist and author ofThoughts Girly 10 days DetoX.
5 "She is such a witch."
This is not a good idea to use the word b in front of your daughter in any context, but especially with reference to a friend. "Moms should not negatively browse a disagreement that they had with a close friend in front of their daughters," saysEirene Heidelberger, founder ofGitmom. "You are a model for your daughter on how to be a good friend. If a child hears only negative comments, it can be negative and critical of his own girlfriends." And for more parenting, know thatThe letter of this father to his teacher of his son is too funny for the words.
6 "Stop taking so many selfies."
"Do not obsessed with his selfie obsession, but have an honest conversation," advisesArna van Gad, an expert in the social environment for parents. "Many girls today will be obsessed with perfect selfie. Do not get angry with them and cries! That will only make them want to continue doing it. By telling them and giving them a good example, You will be better placed to tell them that it's not all. "Oh, and speaking of selfies:Here's why the selfie who is leaning for this woman goes viral.
7 "Sorry" when you have nothing wrong with anything
"Women tend to apologize for things that are not their fault," noteHeather Monahan, founder of#BOSSINHEELS and author ofCreator of confidence. "When someone comes up against them, a lot of women will say," I'm sorry. "Getting rid of excuses and say" excuse me "is an excellent example to get to girls. To go further, instead of excuse me or say" excuse me ", you can thank someone . Thank a group for his patience when you arrive late at a meeting, for example, is a powerful way to overcome a potentially troublesome situation. "
8 "She is our little little boy missed."
Or any other descriptive label that can stick with them. "No matter what the label is, but when Mom says in front of other mothers or in front of the peers of the girl, it hurts," saysJulia SIMENS, a parenting expert and an author. "This also puts the girl in place to already be classified and not his true self." Instead of putting your daughter in a box based on how you see it, let it follow her own identity without label.
9 "You are so Beautiful."
"It sounds positive, but it can make it feel that his physical appearance of more value he needs," saysJasmine Terrany, a life therapist. "Focus on the inner qualities of your daughter, his efforts and achievements on his appearance. Instead of saying," You are so beautiful, "Let's say," You are so happy, you are glowing. "And for more things you should have to say, here is the40 things you should never tell your child.
10 "You wearthis? "
"To a large extent, we are blocked to let girls experiment with fashion as they discover what does and does not work," saysVarda Meyers Epstein, parental expert atKars4kids. "In order to get them there, we have to let them make mistakes. It is a microcosm for life in general."
11 Fight the words between your partner.
In a heated moment, it can be easy to forget that your daughter is present, but it is better to save the argumentative exchanges for closed doors.Research Indicates that even a simple daily daily parental conflict is sustainable for childhood damage and can even reduce their ability to trust others and read the emotions of others.
12 "Do not be sad!"
It's important for girls and all children, agree-it to learn that everything will have feelings. What might not seem like a big problem for you to be broken by the earth for her, and that girls often turn to their mothers for validation. Instead of minimizing everything it crosses (no matter how insignificant it is insignificant may seem to be there for it and see if you can find a solution to help them feel better together.
13 "I'm such a failure."
Everyone meets challenges, but children absorb the way you treat them. "When we went down to our children, they throw themselves on the benchmarks," says Monahan. "Responding to failures as opportunities to learn and grow instead of moments of retaining us the results of children who will take more risks and become resilient."
14 "Hey, Princess."
Nope. All little girls do not want to be a princess and what's more,research Indicates that "the culture of the princess" can really be harmful to girls, because it focuses on beauty as the most important asset of the young woman. Although it can be tempting to let it know how much she is darling with this seemingly cute phrase, it is better to leave the "princess" talking to your daughter herself. And for some cover on the lighter side of parenting, do not miss the20 most funny tweets to be a mother.
15 "Wow, Jones's new car is seriously fantasy."
"Moms should not make remarks in front of their daughters about someone with more money or someone who recently bought a new bright article," says Heidelberger. "It can cause jealousy and feelings of insufficiency."
16 "It would be so nice if you could take dance classes like your sister."
"You should never compare your daughter to his brothers and sisters, friends or other children you know," says Sugarman. "Because as soon as you start controlling it against other people around her, she will start feeling unsafe. And once it happens, she will start feeling smaller than all these people and that the insecurity will not grow up. "
17 "Oh, it was nothing."
Never minimize your achievements in front of your daughter, unless you want to do the same when she grows up. "This is learned by looking at what their mothers say and hearing and seeing their mother, not" act also intelligently "by minimizing his abilities, his intellect, giving credit to achievements to his husband and being almost allergic to the taking of Credit for their achievements., says O'Gorman.
You can feel like you do not want to be immodest, but it can actually teach it that it should never other outshine.
18 "I hope you have a girlonly like you."
This is a beautiful thing to say when things are going well between you and your daughter, but often, it is said like a curse during a dispute or a difficult moment. "Statements such as these girls feel misunderstood and unwanted," says Epstein. "Do you really want your daughter you think considering a curse? »
19 "It's not very ladylike. »
Or worse: "A lady".Studies show that mothers are most responsible for the transfer of gender ideals to their children. While you could not consider you like a machist, focusing on typical gender roles in this way can have lasting effects on your daughter. If you do not want to do something, tell him, do not use his cock like the reason she should not be done.
20 "I become so old. »
Many women are worried about aging, but that in front of your daughter teaches him to be afraid of the changes that are, well, quite natural.
21 Any direction that includes "should" or "should not".
"Nobody likes to be said what to do, especially teenagers and young children," underline Terrany Out.
"Sometimes people bark orders to their children and are surprised when children do not do as they say you do not need to prove that you are responsible, .. this fair creates a power struggle, treat your children As they are instead of the same team, if you think they could do something better, use the softer language. When you tell someone not to do something, it does not mean they will not do it, it just means that they will not tell you about it ".
22 On groups of generalities people.
Never tell your daughter that all people are like ___ ____. Suppose you do not really believe that all members of a group are actually the same (because, bah, they are not), but you say something for another reason. Even if you think that a generalization of a group of people in particular, whether it's a race, religion, nationality, or anything else is funny, perhaps, your daughter will most likely take you to your Word. Even worse, she can repeat what you said to others.
23 "Men are the worst! »
Just like fighting in front of your daughter is a non-no, making derogatory remarks about men in general or your particularly romantic masculine partner is also out of bounds. While everything you make comments can be evoked by your own experiences with men, there is no reason to suppose it will be the same for it. By telling him that all men act in a certain way, you can send him without wanting in the future relations with preconceived ideas about what to expect who does not necessarily fit reality.
24 "You are not looking so big late. What's going on? »
"If you are concerned about its external appearance, focus more on asking questions about how it does," Terran recommends. "Try to get an idea of why she can not be taking care of herself and how she feels rather than suggesting that she is eating less or change her shirt. »
25 " Good work. Next time, let's go for an a "
We understood. The notes are important. Cornresearch Shows that while having great hopes for your children's notes can help them do better, have unrealistic expectations can make them worse. In other words, if your daughter is usually home with mathematics and she suddenly brings the house of a c, have a conversation on what happened. But if she gets a b after the home cs previously bringing, do not keep growing for A. instead, to celebrate his success.
26 " You can not do that. »
"Never, never told your daughter, she can not," said Sugarman. "It closes the bottom before it never gets out of the door. And she will just internalize the "I can not" because the sending of attitude and never worth trying. The message she is not smart enough or fast enough or capable of going after what she wants to make sure she never seeks even in the first place. "
27 "____ is for boys. »
Do not say it in response to your daughter wanting to try something new. We believe all girls can be all they want when they grow up, right? Well, this kind of language goes against this ideal.
28 "You are perfect."
Your daughter can be perfect for you, but statements like this can end up harming more than helping.Studies Show that praise can actually provide them with more afraid of making mistakes and less likely to take a chance on learning something new. It is better to give the precise place, the realistic praise when your daughter does something good.
29 "I do not think it's enough good for you. »
It's a common chorus that starts when girls start going out and continue in the life of adults. The truth is that your daughter can judge for herself who is "pretty good" and who is not, and it will probably continue to go out with whether or not you approve of its current chosen partner. Rather than being negative on his in love interests, let you know that you will always be there to talk about his love life if and when she needs it.
30 "Do not be too dirty, okay?"
If you send your daughter outdoors to play, this can be a common instinct to warn her of her clothes. But do you think that way: Would you say the same thing to a boy? Probably not. In addition, with the magic of washing machines, it's really not so difficult to wash the mud and grass spots. For more information on parent and daughter relationships, check30 things only moms with girls know.
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