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Ending a wedding is rarely an easy decision. But when there iskids Involved, things become much more complicated. While some things are standard in any division of financial assets, or fight on thisreally comfortable chair in the living room - what no parent is prepared is how much it can change yourlove relationship With your children too. How many children could start solving yourselfreally Think about these new romantic partners, here's all that all parents should know before signing these papers.

Just because you have passed from your spouse does not mean that you are necessarily done with all the things you have found so frustrating from your relationship with them.

"Many couples have been separated in the hope of moving away from a spouse of control, intense arguments and a general conflict. Unfortunately, when you have children in the photo, you still have to work together for raise them. So check the behaviors aroundfinance Becoming controlling behavior around child support. Arguments on schedules become ... Arguments on schedules, "says Marriage AdvisorRaffi Bilek, LCSW, Director ofBaltimore Therapy Center. "Divorce can be what you need, but again, it may not solve the problem you hope to escape."

"This is true even if you are induced and you have really decided that divorce is the best way for you and your family," says Bilek. "Such subtleties can be lost on children; they can blame you for breaking their families and keep it against you for a while." And although these feelings do not last eternally, knowing that they are a possibility in your divorce can certainly reduce the shot.

A litigation divorce will not be cheap, especially when you have to take into account the costs aschildcare Attend mediation or therapy for your children. "That does not mean that you should not do it - just that you have to take it into account before moving forward with a divorce, especially if there are a lot of content," says Bilek. "Lawyer The invoices are really fast and it will probably have an impact on you two (and therefore on children). "

If you think that the lifting of children is expensive as it is, just wait for you as a single parent. "You will have a lot less money after," says Bilek. "Not only does the division process in two households cost a good deal, the permanent costs of managing two households can be significant."

Before a divorce, it was a data that you would see your children every day - but this is probably no longer the case after a divorce. In fact, they may not even want to spend so much time with you. "Now it's the child to say yes or no about spending time and making plans," says therapistLynn R. ZAKERI, LCSW. "Parents often lack children, but children do not miss parents in the same way and like any other unilateral feeling, which is more difficult to hold and manage."

With guilt that often accompanies a divorce, you might find yourself spending more about your child - and feeling benefited from the process. "Parents were used to provide dinners, stores, all this jazz, [but], it now feels as being taken from the advantage rather than as appreciated," says Zakeri.

Your children 'loving Problems can get worse after you and your partner decides to call it. "Although the bad marriage is also harmful, the prospect of having on the shuttle between two houses and not having an intact family, interferes with the relations of the children with classmates and friends and the esteem of self, "saidRabbi shlomo slatkin, MS, LCPC, Therapist Certified Imago, and co-founder ofThe marriage restoration project.

These days ofParenting home stay Can arrive at a steep stop along your divorce. Although you can count once on your spouse's income alone to pay everything, unless your ex does not faw of millions, your pension payments are not sufficient to cover the needs of your home without some supplementation, which means you may need to start to go beyond thatto resume earlier than you hope.

While you might want everyone you know is alwaysmarried, statistics do not lie: according to the data of thePEW Research CenterIn 2017, 21% of American children lived with a single mother and 4% lived with a single father.

These countertime days on your spouse to watch your children when you want to see a movie,hit the gymOr or go out with friends will be replaced by scheduled tours and close your little ones between your home and your ex-divorce of your ex-spouse. As such, these last-minute plans may need to be on the back burner for the moment.

Zakeri says that the planning of things through a neutral third party, like a Google calendar, can help keep things amicably, even when the feelings between the divorcing parts are anything but. "Google Calendars take the emotion of it when you put events and dates of the city and holiday holidays - it's not about having a conversation, it's about both the Knowledge of the things you need to know now, "she explains.

While handling with non-stopargumentsThe bad habits, or a growing aversion one else could have you wanted to end your wedding, once you split yourself, you can see your ex in a new light, especially when you see them parenting in solo. Even parents who had an acrimonious split often find that they "appreciate that [their ex] comes from the right place when it comes to their children," Zakeri said.

Unfortunately, just because you no longer have to deal with a difficult spouse on a daily basis does not necessarily mean that parenting is a post-divorce easier. According to a 2016 study published in theNewspaper of the family and economic issuesDivorce children are more likely to engage in risky range or behaviors, drinking drug use - especially among adolescent girls.

Your children love you, but that does not necessarily mean that they will welcome changes in their schedule that frequently accompany a divorce - and they are likely to feel quite rotten to feel this way. "Children can feel worried and guilty of hurting their parents' feelings," after a divorce, according toDr. Fran Walfish, a family and a relational relationship based in Beverly Hills, and author ofThe parent's parent.

Simplify WHO, what, where, and when is difficult enough when you have a spouse to help you. But when you try the shuttle between school, lessons, appointments and guest houses, then have to add trips toof them The houses in addition to that, we can feel as if you have gone from parent to the personal driver during the night.

Although you probably can not count the number of toys, notebooks andclothing itemsYour children have misplaced over the years, when it's a matter of things left at the bad house of the parent, it may be a major source of contention between you and your children - and another embarrassment for you when you need to collect this geometry manual of your ex-spouse at 23:00

"One of the most common problems of teenagers with divorced parents is the return of two houses between two houses. Most teenagers are stifled when their shirt or a favorite jacket is at home or dad of mom and they do not Are not there to recover it. Or maybe they left their history book or their duty at the house of other parents - it's very worried - provoking for them, "says Walfish.

If you and your spouse are directed to a split, it's important to make sure your children know that their dreams and goals should not be thrown simply because your wedding is over. Unfortunately, according to a 2018 study published in theJournal of Family ProblemsThe children of divorced parents are much less likely to win university degrees than those whose parents are married.

Tons of people are divorced, so it does not matter, is not it? Although it may be true, it does not mean that people do not accept the decision to divide. According toNational Family Growth SurveyIn 2002, 46.6% of women reported that divorce was the best solution when people could not work their spousal problems. From 2011 to 2015, this number plunged only 37.2%.

Most parents come into a routine with their children over time, bringing them to school in the morning to get them home at night. When this is suddenly disturbed as a result of a divorce, it can make things seriously alone for the parent who was flying solo. While you may have a little valuable time to yourself when your children are at home, when they are with their other parent, you may want to just want you - and all the chaos that They bring back.

Although there is certainly a transition period when you are divorced and you find yourself without children for the first time in years, it does not mean that everything is bad. You could learn to love these nights that you spend watching movies that are not animated and eating ice without having to share.

"Some ex-wives are quite a broken heart in general," says Zakeri. "Although they are angry when they divorce, their hearts did not necessarily have repaired," which is difficult to see that their examples move especially when this new love interest begins to form an important relationship with children .

While you could expect your divorce and their new weather away from children to give your old point of view on life or your relationship, do not hold your breath while waiting for an epiphany. "Who did you live with this will probably be similar to the person you divorced," says Zakeri.

Even if your wedding ended badly, the green monster can raise its ugly head when your ex starts to see other people. "You will not want you to be this new person, but you might ask you:" Why can it be great with that person when they can not with me? "Said Zakeri.

"Maybe a parent lies a distance from the school. Get together with their friends on weekends or after school becomes a challenge when the kid does not have a trip to home", said Walfish. This can make your children upset or even angry - and can make them less impatient to spend time with you.

If you and your ex have fought to your parent styles when you were married, it will only be more difficult when you are divorced. Having two different parenting styles in two different houses can be difficult for children and can even lead to offering behavior, according to Walfish: "This is one of the reasons why parents have to agree on a strategy and a strategy and mutual implementation. "

Although they are very significant, it's not always fun to deal with seemingly endless questions about how you do, how children face and how do you separate assets - especially when you try to get everyone the car so you can do the class dancingon time.

Whether you or your ex-spouse forming a mixed family, do not expect to become Brady's bouquet immediately.

"Change is really difficult for children. This [father-in-law] can be a nice person or a person who has made your handles with you, but that does not mean they are the person that children would like to be with" , says "Zakeri. However," If you are coherent and predictable, be patient - the relationship has bases out there and it will pay in time. "

"Parents often take a little time so that their new partner can spend time with children, but children find themselves felt because the parent they are looking back," Zakeri said. "Children still want to want your attention. They do not need you to sell your partner."

Depending on your place of residence, you may have to wait a long period of separation before you are legally allowed to divorce your spouse - and to have a lawyer can help you determine where you stand in the process.

"A divorce is often the last article of the list of things to do after having sort of childcare, child support and a division of matrimonial goods, among other questions," saidJenny Johnstona lawyer atMann LLP lawyers. "Sometimes having the opportunity to talk to a well-informed lawyer can help inform people from the list of problems arising from separation as well as options to get to a resolution."

Even if you are the one who keeps the house and most stuff stuff, seeing framed images and baby blankets and beloved books take out the door of the new place of your spouse can be heartbreaking, even for cookies more difficult.

This is especially true when your children are young - as you may have been able to leave your children with your spouse while you have taken a shower or grocery store, when you split the guard, your days with your children will offer you virtually No breaks.

Although it's never easy to have your friends or family members take part in a divorce, when these people are not justyour Dear beings, but people who have deep relationships with your children, when they decide to stop being part of your life, it can feel like a serious betrayal.

According to a 2012 study published in theJournal of the psychology of children and clinical adolescentsChildren whose parents had been divorced for a long time had a greater career atmosphere and a greater self-esteem than the children of recently divorced couples.

That you find that you have once easier as a parent when flying solo, you come back from the workforce with a passion that you have never had before, or you meet someone who is a lot Better for you as your ex, there may be serious capital letters to have a divorce as a parent, even if they are hard to see right now.

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