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Choosing to get married is a huge step that people do not tend to take lightly. And while it's a hard pill for these happy couples who descend into the alley to swallow, as much as50% of weddings In the United States ends with divorce. So it's worth considering what steps to take to reduce your risk of becoming statistical - and also, what you can expect if your wedding isdivorce. In advance, we gathered some of the things that divorced people want to have made differently, to attend couples therapy in the way they communicated. You never know, one of theseRegrets of divorce could simply save your wedding.

Some divorced people realize after the fact that they had unfair expectations or bad intentions during their marriage.Kristian Henderson, whose marriage lasted two years, saidWomen's health In 2017, that for her, "getting married was a goal and finding a husband was an accomplishment. I felt more adult, more together and more professional with a husband." But, of course, it did not last. "What I would like to know before my divorce is the same thing I would like to know before my marriage: getting married was not a success and it was not the responsibility of my husband to make me happy. My happiness is my responsibility. "

Rather than discussing problems with their partner, many people try to solve their problems themselves and keep their feelings bottled. "After getting married, I lost my job ... I kept a nice good facade, but I really had trouble inside, especially with my identity," Richie, a divorced man of Texas, saidPaternalIn 2019. "I know [my wife] was on me, because she always offered to talk. But I was always like: 'Nah, I'm good." Finally, she tired of [that], and it does not make a snowball from there. She did not know how to trust me, everything because I was trying to play cool. "

Many divorced people often wish, instead of playing the game of blame and ignore their role in matrimonial problems, they have made more reflection on what role they played in arguments and tension. "I would like me to think louder of my own responsibility," Divorced MomLisa Ravia Ryan RecountHuffPostIn 2018, "I was so busy finding a fault that I did not pay enough attention to all the things I could have done differently."

Often, people go to couples couples when they are already in the hustle and bustle of the relationship. But attending tips together to check, even if everything looks good, can potentially save a wedding. "I would like me to pushed stronger for regular", Mark, a divorced man of Florida, "saidPaternal. "We could have observed our arsenal with communication techniques and the practice of empathy long before starting to despise me. [My wife] did not think we needed it, because we did not fight us . It was a kind of "don 't Correct what is not broken. But, you do not have to install smoke detectors during fire. It's preventive. I really think that the usual mental / relationship balances could have saved us. "

And just because you go to the wedding board does not mean that you have been challenged to do your best. "We saw some different wedding counselors. There seemed to be a backflow and a flow where things would go from the dough, we would stop going, then old habits and disagreements would come back," said aUser reddit In 2019. "I regret that it was not taken as well as it could have been."

When you are in love, you get matching tattoos may seem like a good idea. But if you end up having a divorce, this tattoo can become yourThe greatest regret. "I still have mine on my leg and it's my story to my children that I now have in my current wedding:" That's why you do not do tattoos of people you meet or married to "Divorced and RemariwayTracy Spangler RecountThe cupIn 2018. "I think I think I'm thinking of covering them or kidnapped every time I look at them. It seemed so romantic at the time. And now, when people pose my tattoos, it's nice of My little 'ha ha, here's what a fool I was. "

It's always an unfortunate situation when you can not hear you with your parents-in-law. And often, these difficult relationships cause serious damage to a marriage. "My in-laws were the worst", David, a divorced man from California, saidPaternal. "Intrusive. GUDE. Condescending. They were like cinema characters. I really believe they ruined my express marriage because they did not like me and thought their daughter could level. If I had been more affirmed at first, I think I could have saved the relationship. It would have been ugly and uncomfortable in the short term, but I have the impression that it would have given my ex and me the space we had need to really work on our relationship. "

However, an expert in therapist and relationshipDarlene launch, says "Blame usually falls on the child of the in-law. They are not standing with their parents and not have the back of their partner." It explains that many divorced people want to have defined more boundaries before the situation has increased.

Most parents agree that their children are one of their greatest gifts. But after a divorce, care of the children together is a considerable challenge, sometimes making people want to have children at all. "People want to have children because later they discover that they are not satisfied with their spouse and are now linked to always," said launch. And if a reason why you stop becoming divorced is because of your children, read these33 important ways to prepare your children at divorce.

Everyone has different approaches to their finances, but we often assume that married couples will combine their funds. However, this decision could be an ultimate drop in a couple. According to a 2018 survey ofRamsey Solutions, monetary fights are the second cause of divorce, behind infidelity. This is why many divorced couples want to have kept their money separately.

"When we divorced, we had two credit cards, one for the house and one for his" business "who never left the ground," said a readerThe Guardian In 2014. "The agreement was that I would pay from the family card and it would reimburse the business card. Of course, he never did and the creditors came after me paid them. My credit was destroyed for seven years. "

Advance in your career And earn a living is undoubtedly important. However, putall Your time and energy in your work can hurt your wedding. Matthew, a 35-year-old divorced man from New Jersey, saidPaternal He had a job that made him miserable and his wife asked him several times to stop smoking for their marriage. "I could not estimate the thought of being unemployed. So, I continue to go there. Finally, she had enough and we separated," he says. "I miss it every day, but I can not say that I blame it. I was unbearable to be there and she did not deserve that."

Many couples who decide to separate before their divorce wants them to have even more clear their feelings. "I did not realize that being nice meant that the door would be open to my ex to revisit and challenge our constant choice", single motherLaura Lifshitz to crushPopsugar. "When you separate, close the door unless the shot is so strong that you are ready to consider the changes that have been brought and who work to save the marriage".

Listening to your partner is essential, but listening to yourself is too. Many divorced people later realize that there was earlysigns that their marriage would not work Or they were not compatible with their spouse, but they ignored them. "When we fell in love first, we tend to over-idealize our new partner",Gary Brown, a couples therapist in Los Angeles, saidStir. "Even when there is evidence to suggest that there is potential conflicts, we may tend to avoid them because we do not want to lose the wonderful feeling of being in love."

So many of us are trendy in social media all the time. But many divorced people wish to have been more present in their weddings instead of studying the opinions of allcorntheir spouse online. "People go to social media reaching validation outside the relationship," said the advisorMichelle Delevante, LCSWR, from Commack, New York. "And be on it often, they are distracted when their partner is sitting in front of them."

When you think of the divorce, the first word that probably comes to mind is "disordered". But, no matter the end of the marriage of a wedding, it does not have to be ugly. "People are too caught in the emotion and end up burning bridges and they regret leaving the other person with a toxic feeling about the relationship and a sour point of view on the other person," said Delevante. Many wish to treat the situation differently, especially when children are involved.

Some people could consider divorce as a chance of freedom, but there is a lot of loss and mourning to pass first. "I would like to have known that I had known that even a totally friendly divorce without children and no money problems is still overwhelming"Stephanie Craig, who divorced, saysWomen's health. "I chose to leave and my ex-husband agreed that it was the right thing. We had separate finances and no children, and none of us regretted the decision at no time, I have So shocked by the way the emotional devastation had become emotionally. You lose your family, your sense of home and your best friend. Even when you know you have to do it and things will be better, it's so rough. . "

Take the decision to get a divorce is a big step. But some people want them to be faster to pull the trigger instead of wasting time in a folding wedding. "My regret is that I allowed a bad situation to do too long," divorce coach and divorced itselfTara Neenhard RecountHuffPost. "The expectations of my husband for our relationship and our life together moved a long time after our wedding, and we fought a lot. In the hindrance, I would have liked to have the courage and the conscience of oneself to face To the question itself. Instead of standing in my power, I avoided the ugly truths of our existence and allowed the relationship to languish while we both suffered. "

Delevante says she crosses many people who say, "I knew when I walked in the alley that it was a mistake." Some might feel obliged to go through a marriage because of the family, religion or other factors. But when a wedding ends with the divorce in the line, they realize that they should not have said "I do" to start. And to learn more about the positive sides of having a divorce, consult the17 major divorce senior nobody ever expects.

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