Good Lifestyle

The wildworld of meeting can be a delicate to navigate. After all, there is no game game on how to crown someone. But just because there is no hard and fast rules aboutwhat youshould go out, It does not mean there are no things that you shouldto avoid do on the dating scene. In fact, there is a lotCommon meeting errors Almost everyone does. To help you be in the minority, we talked about the coaches of relationships, therapists, games-games and experts dating from other experts to identify what does not do when you play dating.

Without goals or intentions, many people fall into the bad habit of going out passively, says the coach of relationsKari Tumminia, Ma, author ofNo bad dates. It simply means waiting for the next person to show enough interest, then reacting to everything they bring to the table, as if you "audition for the position of a soulmate," says Tumminia. Instead, she recommends spending time creating a description ofWhat is your ideal relationship, so that you can use it to identify future partners or dates to align with this idea and do not do it.

"Meetings with goals and a goal in mind Removes the stress around some potential partners that we should give more time and more energy and helps us create a clarity around the reason we meet," says Tumminia. "Knowing why we are dating eliminates confusion, prevents us from staying too long with people who do not suck us, and push us in the direction of finding good partners, faster."

If you are not in an exclusive relationship, there is no reason to focus all your energy on someone, especially if they are not just focused on you. As Tumminia says, people often forget that "the meeting and being in a relationship are not the same thing". Dating actively concerned "encounter, experience and ultimately new people follow in pursuit of a relationship," she said. Not only that, but the meeting of several people at a time prevents you from preventing you from "over-tieting to a person too early" and allows you to have the chance to see people in a variety of situations before you sit down. with one person.

On the other hand, dating too many people can also cause problems.Eric Patterson, aprofessional adviser In Pennsylvania, says to be involved with too many people can often make it more difficult to feel "content with one person".

"One person could have been the best cook, another was incredibly practical around the house, another had an unparalleled sense of humor, and another was an incredible sexual partner," he says. "None of these people has been full and none of them did you meet the desired level, but their protective features will be burned into your brain."

Steve Phillips-Waller, Relationship expert forA conscious benchmark, says that many people hurt a relationship at first by sending too many texts between dates.

"The on-the-messenger between the dates leaves you with less things to discuss when you really see you. So keep the messages casual and uncomfortable enough to show your interest, but not so much that you kill the conversation later," he says. "Unfortunately, timid people or people with social anxiety will use messaging as a substitute for the meeting in person. But it rarely builds the same level of connection as the discussions face to face."

Find partners via dating applications is the norm these days, butKatie ladies, A relationship expert and a specialist in gender, shows that if you are too dependent on the dating applications, you tend to transform dating and relationships in the "commodity" rather than "humanize" the search process 'a partner.

"CommonPractices such as ghost And receive unsolicited bare barers are the direct result of these applications. They have radically changed the culture of the meeting, "she says." I understand why they are widely used; the dating applications have been cut to the pursuit, everyone knows why they are on the application. However, the The convenience of these meetings of meetings should not be the determining factor in using them. Their negative properties greatly outweigh their positive features. "

It's good to want a relationship, but when you start forcing relationships and relationships, because that's what you think you should do or because you're uncomfortable to fly solo, so that's becomes a problem.

"The word" need "will strip you any power you have in the world of meetings. Every time you are looking for love with a" need "for a partner to fill a donut hole, you give your power and lose yourself, "explains the expert relationship and therapistAudrey Hope. "Anyone who succeeds inFind true love must do it by being their authentic self and their own power. "

Nicole Arzt, MS, LMFT, Member of the Board of Directors ofPassionate, says that people end up sacrificing "one or two or 20 needs" because they are too afraid they find themselves alone. Unfortunately, Arzt says that only "perpetuallow self-esteem, "and creates a model of people who frequent others, they feel or do not really act.

You can not make room for a positive relationship if you're stillstuck on the negative When you look in the mirror. Whenever you think negative thoughts about yourself - like"I'm too old" or "I'm too big"-Hope says youReduce your own confidence And worth it, while raising the person you meet. You start to see this person as "too good for you", which leads to aunhealthy relationship and puts your partner on an unacceptable pedestal.

If you are a series monogamist that never allows you to deal with pain orproblems that come from a break, then you establish a rocky base for future relationships.

"Make sure you are cured and dropped the luggage from your last love before taking your wounds in the new," says Hope. "Go to a therapist orRelationship coach And work the patterns and themes of what hurts me, which still persists in your heart and where you are vulnerable. "

It is common to compare consciously or subcommand everyone to your last flame, especially if you still have an emotional attachment to them, saysViktor Sander, expert in relation withSocialpro. But Sander recommends focusing on every new person you meet as a "unique person" and learn to "enjoy them for their qualities", rather than "to compare them with someone else".

An easy way to make this switch in your mind is to ask you questions such as "am I happy with this person? What does I like most about this person?" Instead of: "How does this compare that my ex did? Is it better or worse?"

April davis, a professional matchmaker and founder ofLumasaid that even if people often hear "that they can not change people," they hope and believe that they are the exception to this rule.

"Realize more times that no, someone puts his best foot forward when they initially learn to know you in the world of meetings," said Davis. "It's important to take them as they are and assume that all their good and bad features and features are there to stay. The next choice that should be done is if these bad features are something you can manage realistically WhereIf it's an otherbreaker. "

Instead of letting themreal feelings show, Many people act as if the person they will become a knowledge through clues they think they give. Of course, admit that you have feelings for someone you are not sure in the same way is scary. But you may also lose that person for good hoping they can read your mind. Whether due to "pride, shame or clumsiness," says Davis, do not be coming about your feelings is a very common meeting mistake.

If you want to havesuccess in your meeting life, Davis says you have to "start letting people know how [you] feel and do not hope they will find it as magic."

At the meeting with someone again, many people are so worried about spoiling the things they focus too much on what the other person wants. "We think something is wrong with us, that we lack something that others are looking for, or we are not enough." This leads us to want to prove to others that we are worthy of their attention and that we are sufficient, "says the certified advisorKathynn Ely, host of theImperfectlyPodcast. "Instead, at the meeting, we should first focus on what we appreciate and what we want in a relationship. When we know this information, we create firm and healthy boundaries, andHonest communication-Who is a good foundation for any relationship ".

Everyone wants to make a first dazzling impression when meeting someone again. However, Sander says you have to be careful not to be "too concentrated" and "talk too much" of yourself. Of course, the opposite is not better. If you are onlyAsk your date questions Without revealing anything to your end, you could go out as an interrogator.

"Studies show that the best interactions are" backback conversations ", says Sander." We ask for something, ask a question of follow up, then share something that concerns us, then come back to ask something about the other person, etc. "

Meetings in the modern world often focus on trying not to waste someone's time, depending on the dating and certified relationship coachJenna Ponaman. As a result, many people are trying to connect with others by performing "through a series of questions to quickly assess" if someone has a potential or not. But Ponaman says it immediately places a barrier between you and that person, because you are more focused on "finding what is wrong" with them rather than searching for points where you can connect more.

According to Ponaman, many people will try to precipitate a "more in-depth vulnerable connection" with a potential romantic partner trying to bind pain points at the beginning of the meeting. "For example, people will usually talk about their exètes on a first or second date, which is a big non-no," she says. "Mutual respect and trust has not yet been trained at a first date and that's where you should put your best foot forward while remaining true for yourself. You do not want to create basic A relationship based on pain and complacency, but rather on your strong costumes and qualities that really make you who you are. "

"Going to a date and act desperately for love is the fastest way to ruin a relationship before its beginning," says the expert expert and the certified wellness coachD. Ivan Young, CPC. "The dating serves a goal and it's to explore your tastes and your disgusts when you interact with another person. It's not a moment for you to pour your heart, or to project your incorrect assumptions about another person . The best strategy is to be simply present in the moment and enjoy the meeting which could be a good friend or a future partner. "

Everyone wants to feel if necessary, but you do not want to meet too necessarily than too needy or sticky towards the person you see. RelationshipDavid Bennettco-founder ofThe popular man, says that recognizing the signs you are too needy - you always send them in text, you check their social media, you only make time for them, etc. - Can help you create healthy borders.

When you are attracted to someone, you often want to present your best myself. But there is a thin line between that and pretending to be someone you are not really. AndDana McNeil, Ma, LMFT, founder ofThe place of relationship, says that being aauthentic can really bemake you more attractive to others. After all, McNeil says he is "attractive to meet someone who is willing to own who they are and what they are looking for in a relationship."

If the person you see realizes, you do not know what they say and want and have no goals or values ​​yourself, it could push them back. Do not pretend to be obsessed with snowboard when you hate cold weather simply because you discover that your new beautiful is a snowboard enthusiast. And do not imagine to collect older records when you are more a fan of pop, because of your potential partner's preferences. Have separate interests and tastes can actually make a stronger relationship.

Despite what you may have heard, you should not be "looking for a better friend as another important," saysSusan Trombetti, Matchmaker and CEO ofExclusive matchmaking. Trombetti says it becomes one of theThe biggest problems later in a relationship And even marriage because "there are no sparks". Your partner should be a friend, "she said," but friendship should not be the basis of the whole relationship.

Most people confuse chemistry with covetousness and do not give something that has a potential spark of the time it has to flourish. But chemistry is something that can grow more you get to know someone.

"Chemistry is a slow burning and lust is a thing of attraction," says Trombetti. "If you never go out at a second date because you are missing from the attraction part, you may be away."

Stephania Cruz, expert in relation toDantantpilot, says she often sees that people become so involved in a new relationship that they "leave no room for friends, family or old activities". Losing the view of who you are or what you like to do for another significant is a disaster recipe. Cruz says that this is particularly difficult if problems arise in the relationship or youbreak through a break; You then have a "more difficult time adjustment" and must regain your identity.

In order to want to settle or just be really attracted by a person you start to see, many people tend to ignoreRed red flags, like "always a rain check on the plans" or "not to be ready to settle", saysMaria Sullivan, expert dating withDating.com. She says that if you start noticing aspects of a person you do not like when you start going out with them, do not simply push them because that person seems to "check all your boxes".