Good Lifestyle

Every day, I have the chance to challenge the company chronically low expectations has been put ondad. Yes, I can do horseback tails and braids. Yes, I can cook and get my dressed children. All I have to do is a little bit and I amunbelievable.

One Sunday, for example, I took my children to have their photos taken. As I walked with four towers and no wife, a mother waiting said, "Wow, here is Super Dad."

Everything I did was take my children to a planned activity and prepare them for that - I do not think it's "super". It isparenthoodAnd as a father of stay at home, it's also my full-time job.

My career change, if you want, was not something my wife and I planned whenWe had children. But as we were preparing at the birth of our fourth child, our nanny ceases. My wife and I went in full crisis mode. We had three children of 8, 3 and 1 - and we both workedFull-time jobs (I was director of the brand in a toy business and my wife, a pediatric anesthetist). The only way our duplication, the double-way life worked was to have someone at home with them.

Fortunately, we had a neighbor who has bothloved our children and wanted additional income that was ready to participate temporarily. And with his help, maternity leave of my wife and parental leave of my work, I wanted to think: "We will find someone we can afford in a lot of time."

But as we searched, we also started reviewing math again. It was clear that I did not do enough to cover the expenses of a nanny. I also felt useless. I did not care about my children and I did not do enough to pay for someone else to do it.

In the midst of all this childcare calculates, we decided to move through the country of Massachusetts in Oregon, where my wife had a job offer and where we would be closer to her family. I looked at the remote work for the toy society, become a consultant and go fully to a different industry. But when the cost of the cost ofchildcare For four children, equivalent to GDP of a small country - in our new city, I could not seem to find anything that worked.

Frankly, I have never dreamed ofIt does not work. I liked being in a social office, analyze spreadsheets, give presentations and solve problems creatively. But we were about to have four children, one was at school - do we really want to pay someone else to raise them?

I told my wife that I should stay at home after the end of my parental leave. It turned out that I was hoping I would have considered a long time ago, but she wanted it to be my choice.

When I told my boss, I started, she was really favorable. Our families also understood. Once we moved to Oregon and I met people learned, I was a stay at home, I was surprised how many other men stayed at home with their children during A time and how many people had children or laws law that did too.

Sometimes people asked me, "Well, what about your career?" I would say that I had a lot of interest and that I needed to focus on the family now. People who did not understand were mainly random aliens who felt the need to weigh. At first, I would be bored. "Why do they even care about my life choices?" I would wonder. In fact, even my own children have not sometimes understood. "Dadi, why did you go to the top school? You do not even have a job!" One of them once asked.

But four years later, I have a different perspective. (And also my children, from here the question; the one I quoted even commented on the dads or moms remaining at home since.)

I was a little prepared for daily milling ofparenting at home. I met my wife while she was ending with a medical school and we had our first child while she was in her residence. With herlong hours, delay days and frequent nights, I got used to being the main care of the caregivers of our elder child, handle the preparation of meals, shopping, cooking andlaundry were things that I took ahead or already participated.

But I did not expect me to be not able to do a few days, no more than I prepared for theSolitude and isolation. Although the PEW Research Center estimates the number ofThe dads at home are on the rise, it's always a little percentage on everything. We are definitely in the minority.

Some moms think you are intruded on their territory. But others are totally cool with a father with a father on the challenges of parenting at home. You know, the madness of having to take the chicken nuggets of the freezer, heat them, then put them back to the freezer so they are cooked but cold because your children want their cold.

For as many good friendships I trained with mothers while in the waiting room of the dance class, I also received the same number of deaths when you arrive in a game group where J 'were clearly not sought after. But online communities, such asNational National at Home Dad Network,Dads married to doctors and even the super specificStay at home dads married to doctors-Help fighting loneliness when I have to be with people who "get it".

Yes, I get the commentary "Mr. Mom" ​​occasional, but I'm usually simply up the shoulders. (Although it's worth noting that no one calls my wife Dr. Dad because she goes to work.) And I tend to smile at the cashier when I'm with my kids at the store and she asks for a break Mom today? "

When everything flows smoothly, to be a father of stay at home is an excellent concert. I get the kids at school, go to the gym, work onHome improvement And garden projects, sometimes meet a friend to catch up, plan meals, then meet children when they come down from the bus (they are now 12, 7, 5 and 4). So it's uponchore, homework, practical musical instruments, speech therapy, sports and dance class. I'm here for the ups and downs of my children, then I get up the day looking at a favorite show with my wife. These are the moments I like being a parent to stay at home - when I go to bedexhausted But content.

Then, there are days when the entire calendar is shot by breakfast. Children fall ill. There are unexpected car problems. My carefully planned meal is avoided by all. The shoes are the enemy of hope. I miss an event even if they are two different calendars. I can not get anywhere in time to save my life. These are the days I hate that. Business trips miss me, eating meals while they are hot and I would prefer to pay someone to watch my children so I can sit in a new toy engineering status meeting just for The silent drone of the follow-up of Jalonone.

People often ask if I would like to "love" being a father at home. I think they want me to say, "I love it. I really do!" In my bestPOLLYANNA-SALLY-FIELD-AT-THE-OSCARS voice. But it's not reality. You take good with the wrong, adjust the expectations and advance.

We ended up leaving the Oregon after a year because it turned out to be a bad fit and we are now back in the Massachusetts in the same city we left. I am still close to many interesting employment options, including the toy society, but I have engaged in the father's life at home. Why? Because even though I found a job that can more than cover child care services, being there to support my wife and that children are an important privilege, fun, exhausting, exhilarating and numb. This is what our family needs and I am very lucky to be able to choose it.

And for more information on parenting at home, here's33 things that no one tells you to be a mother at home.

Jared Jones is a stay at home residing outside Boston. He and his wife have four children. He blogs his adventures toGardiewithmrjones.com .

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