Good Lifestyle

If your other significant suggested trying couples therapy, how would you react? "But wait, we do not have any relationship problems!" could be your reflexive response. For many people, "couples therapy" brings to the mind of spouses, exposed secrets and deeply uncomfortable conversations. Whatever your answer, there is a good chance that it is a defensive - probably because you do not know what's really going on in couples therapy.

And it is not only you: the truth about couples therapy is very different from the dynamics you have seen in HBO prestigious dramas or vast comedies.

The process generally begins with an introductory session that will give the therapist the opportunity to discuss the problems that bring the torque to therapy. This is a chance for the therapist to observe how the two people communicate and interact with each other and sail on potential tensions or conflicts. It is an experience "to get to know you".

"This often includes an understanding of what is called a" presentation problem "- why each person thinks she or he entered couples therapy - and a deeper assessment of why the couple is really there," saidMark Borg, Jr., Doctorate, psychologist and psychoanalyst, and the author ofDo not be a d * CK: Change yourself, change your world.

In fact, the therapist does not really evaluate the two people in front of them at all. They try to understand the relationship itself, which is really a third entity separate from the two members of the couple. It is this entity that is "treated" and the therapist will work to help and even transform - more than the individuals themselves.

Along these lines, a couples therapist is not there to play the referee, calling who is right and makes mistakes.

"In my experience, the most common misconception is that the therapist will take parties with a partner, validate he / she is" just "and helps this partner to change the other person," saysNicole Iacovoni, LCSW, a licensed couple therapist. "A couples therapist work is to defend what is in the best interest of thelove relationship, not what is in the best interest of a partner. "

But if the therapist is focused on the relationship as a whole, it is not unusual that the members of the couple spend time talking with the therapist one-one after the initial session.

"Opentimes, the couples therapist will suggest that the second and third session be individual sessions where each member of the couple has the chance to discuss their concerns about the private relationship with the therapist," saysGwendolyn Nelson-Terry, an authorized marriage and a family therapist. "The four session, the couple and therapist come together to solidify the therapy objectives and the therapist discusses his observation of the couple's needs."

What do these goals generally involve? Iacovoni points out that the therapist's office is a "safe and judgment zone" where any subject is open to discussion. That said, the subjects most likely to ride, according to Iacovoni, are:

1. Money

2. Sex (may include infidelity)

3. Household tasks / responsibilities

4. Laws / Extended Family

5. Parenthood

These are probably the problems that have attracted the couple to call the help of a therapist to couples in the first place. But whatever the inspiration of the seizure of advice, there is a good chance that it is not thealone Question for the couple to work. According to Borg, it's usually just "the tip of the iceberg" when it comes to the dynamics of the relationship.

"The subject, the conflicts or the manifest question is usually a kind of SOS that allows the couple to have access, experience and work on the third entity that are the two - the relationship itself", has declared Borg. "This allows them to work on deeper issues of communication, intimacy, vulnerability and emotional investment - the risks and hopes of long-term love."

But while there may be deep problems to work, it does not mean that the therapy is a place for the couple members to chat or fight with each other. Instead, the therapist sofa offers neutral soil on which couple members can develop skills and language that will help them resolve these conflicts.

"It can mean learning to listen to your partner and really hear what your partner says," Nelson-Terry said. "It also means learning new ways to communicate with your partner to help them hear and understand what you say."

In addition to communication skills, couples therapy should also guide you towards the implementation of connection with your partner, whether it's learning to be more vulnerable to share difficult emotions or To be more comfortable with the expression of empathy.

A series of successful sessions with a therapist should move the relationship with a healthier place and more open and loving. But even when the adjustment is not correct - not between the partners, but between the couple and their torque-couple can still offer a value.

"The message you are sending yourself and your relationship when you enter the couples therapy is extremely useful: our relationship is worthy of our time, our attention, our time, our attention, our effort and Money, "says Borg. "I saw that this message itself - with or without very effective torque treatment - can be very useful and healing. This is a very good message to send to each other and this third entity that is" US "."