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Go out together is different when you are at mid-life. It's not about finding someone to share your first with: your first child, your first home or job promotion. For me, come back to meet after me nearly 20 yearsThe wedding has arrived at an end It was about looking for someone to share my nextes and hard.

In the last five years of my first marriage, I fought sadness, frustration and anger. My husband and I had serious conflictson parenting issues. He was the "good cop" dad, who positioned me like the "bad cop" mom. He was also a leading body who did not want to go out as a leader, writer, speaker and go-getter career. We were moved and I felt more alone every year. But I stayed and I tried to make things work, fearing thatFinish things hurt My 11 year old son and turn his life upside down.

This fear kept me stuck in a wedding that did not work for much longer than ever I've ever imagined. My son had become a headache of the stress of being exposed to the conflict at home and I depressed myself to live a life devoid of love or happiness. After advice and several personal growth workshops, I finally knew that I had to act. Initiate myDivorce in my 40s 40 was the most difficult choice I've ever done, but I knew something had to change.

Divorce is particularly complex. But my ex-husband and I moved to stay focused on the only thing we accepted: Love our son. So we becameCo-parents, learn along the way to say, what to avoid, how to cooperate and how to support our child as he grew up and matured. And we also agreed to separate our social life from our co-parental life.

While I wasready to go out Shortly after the divorce papers were signed, I also understood that I should not bring men home to meet my son. I wanted his life to be peaceful and happy without worry about my partners.

At first, I found it exalting to go out and socialize, my current spirit with romantic fantasies on the meeting. But before long, I went quite discouraged. I had met so many single men in their40S and50s Who did not appeal to me, or who disappointed me when I wanted to know them.

Over time, I started to identify a recurring range of "types". There were players, out for a long time and nothing more. Then came the sad bags that spilled their guts on how life has mistreated them again and again, hoping that I would be their salvation. I learned to avoid guys who were going too much very much, as well as the bachelors for life that did not want or need a partner, liked to drink and dance.

Finally, it took place: Idid not need a relationship be happy! I could leave opportunities for meetings come if and when they happened and, during that time, I could just live my life as I wanted to live.

So, instead of focusing on the meeting of Mr. Right, I did what suited me. I attended conferences and workshops, I went dancing with friends, I enjoyed museums and natural centers and took a holiday with my son and family.

Over the next eight years, I found "Mr. At the moment "several times. These relationships, good and bad, prolonged a few months to a few years. But none of them were right for a long-term commitment.

Wiser, but more Jaded, I kept my social life more kept. I described men faster so as not to waste my time (or theirs). I listened more extremely to what they said - and did not say - in order toto discern if someone was sincere, sober and sane.

On a Friday night, I planned to meet friends from the gal in a singles event nearby. I was the first to arrive. A man holding his buffette plate asked if he could sit next to me at a table for six years. I said sure and we started chatting. As my friends arrived, I already knew that he had had a background in broadcasting, had been divorced five years before, had two children grown and recently moved in the area.

He easily joined the conversation with my friends and we danced several times, something I really like to do. When he walked me in my car later in the evening, he asked me to dine next weekend and I said yes.

Rick was a nice guy, very articulated and attentive, but someone I would have thought of going out a few years ago. He did not demonstrate for his appearance, his athletic physique or his high profile career. What attracted my attention this time was his bigsense of humor and innate ability to laugh at life.

Being a serious woman of nature, I liked this quality of his very first meeting. And, over time, it brought me with joy to hear him talk about others - and make others laugh too. His spiritual remarks have not only lifted my spirits, they also broadcast my stress. His mischievous helped me let go and get another perspective on any question I faced. I liked the "me", I became around him.

Fortunately, my son also liked spending time with Rick. They were both sport fans and enjoy simple conversations and spiritual jokes together. My son particularly liked Rick baseball anecdotes and the stories back in the day. It was a huge plus for me, as I could never become serious about apartner my son did not like.

Rick and I moved slowly, taking the time to get closer, physically and emotionally. I met his children, who kissed me as part of the family and Rick won the seal of approval of my sister and my elderly mother. (Two other checks in the column Plus!)

We have been dated for three years before our marriage. Soon, the daughter of Rick had a little girl and I became grandmother, which was aUnexpected blessing. I chose my new role in his life and life Rick and I built together.

What was different for my wedding the second time around what was this: you can not change anyone else than yourself. I finally learned this lesson and it turned my understanding of what it means to be in a healthy and successful relationship.

I realized that Rick is Rick, not me. Rick said, and think that things totally different than I would say, do, or think. If I do not like that, I can accept it or start a conversation about it. But I can not expect it to change and that I feel like I want. It was a misunderstanding I brought my first marriage according to the naivety of youth.

Thus, when the conflict arises, Rick and I can find a compromise place, agree to disagree or get angry with the other despite the futility of knowing that our perspectives are not likely to change. Most of the time, we are able to meet one of the first two solutions.

Rick and I have now been married for 15 years. I laugh a lot more, it is more aware of the things he had used to neglect and enjoy a sound, solid, safe and satisfying wedding that works!

So yes, there isRomance after divorce-If you are looking for the lessons you need to learn, keep an open mind and choose a partner based on the character and values ​​that will resist the test of time.

And for even more advice on life after Splitsville, check these40 best ways to prepare for divorce.

Rosalind Sedacca, CDC, is a coach of meetings and relations, as well as a coach of divorce and co-parenthood, and author of99 things that women want to know before going out after 40, 50 years old and yes, 60! She also wrote several e-books and course e-e-courses on divorce and relationship problems. To pick up your free e-book on the successful meeting, visitwww.womendingatingater40.com . For advice on successful co-parenting, visit www.childcenteddivorce.com/book .

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