I cheated on my spouse. This is what I would like to have known in advance

Stark reflections of a woman on infidelity.


According to recent statistics collected by theInstitute of Family Studies, 20% of men and 13% of women reported having sex with someone other than their spouse while married. While the two genders are guilty of getting away, men and women tend tocommit unfaithfulness for different reasons. According to science, men oftencheat because they feel that their masculinity is threatened. Women, on the other hand,are more likely to do it Because they feel neglected or ignored by their partner.

Each case of infidelity is different and it is important not to judge without hearing someone's story. Sometimes a wedding is totally good, until an opportunity sounds that someone can not just pass. Other times, as was the case of "molly" below (all names have been modified to protect identities), the infidelity base has been set long before the wedding bells sounded.

[And if you are looking to show your unique and your only how much you care, here's25 incredible last minute gifts for your spouse.]

As terrible that the cheating is, it does not need to be something that ruins your life and erases any confidence or affection that you can have with your partner. Some couples work through a deceptive episode and come out louder. Others separate but manage to stay friends. In one case, it is always possible to use the incident as a prompt to self-reflection and to learn from that. So, read it for the story of a woman from her own brush with cheating and what you can take from her experience. And for our thorough relational coverage, know thatIt is the age when men are most likely to cheat.

1
You must get married for the right reasons

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At the end of 20 years,Molly dating from a man aged 11 more than she. They loved themselves, but Molly broke with him several times because she felt he was not in favor of her ambitions of her career.

Then she fell pregnant. At first, she was going to have an abortion, but the clinic had no opening for six weeks. She had a lot of time thinking about her decision. One day, while working on the elliptical, she broke crying. She realized that as irrational as the choice, she had to have this baby.

She called her former boyfriend and told her her decision, saying that he did not need to be involved. He was furious and stormed. But later in the day, he called and apologized and stated that he was absolutely.

Long before the wedding, Molly knew thatwas not the good man for her.

"I showed myself at the ceremony a late hour and Saoul, so that it tells you a lot," she laughs.

They moved to a house in New England, where their wedding became more and more tense, since her husband was still going to the city every day for work and she was alone in the fronics with very few friends. They moved to the south, where is it of origin and things have a little better. They even had another child.

But then, the fights started and the long discussions about to try or not to attemptpaste things and make it work. One day, Molly was sent to North Carolina for a work trip. After his colleagues had left the bar, she decided to stay a drink more. That's where she met Steve.

2
Stay for children helps no one

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At first, it seemed to be a punctual thing. But when she returned home, he continued to contact her and they remained in touch. His work often brought him back to Carolina of the North, where it and Steve have worn theircase for the next 8 months. When things have been serious, she started thinking about leaving her husband, but hesitated because of children.

"I was not ready to just leave and I could not imagine what it would be to not be a family," she says.

Not to mention, as much as she cared for him, she was not even sure if Steve was necessarily the one that one either.

"I was looking for a way out."

Then the tragedy struck.

3
The more you expect to confess, the worst things get

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Refuge

At the end of December, at his birthday, Molly received a call from an unknown number. It was Steve's roommate. Steve had been killed in a car accident. His vehicle had swollen a truck coming somehow late at night, killing both pilots.

Molly was inconsolable. When she returned home that night, she told her husband that a friend of the person died, but he could say that something was extinguished. A few days later, it was Christmas Eve, the day before the funeral of Steve.

Molly knew she had to go and say goodbye, but that meant to haveTell her husband of her business, at Christmas, no less. She waited until the guests left, then all confessed. He was, as we could expect, furious.

But when she returned from the funeral, he always begged her to try to solve him, for the love of their two children, if nothing else. They lasted three more months after that, then agreed that it was for the betterThey divided for good.

4
Cheating does not necessarily break the family

Happy family smiling I cheated on my spouse

Here is the fun thing, although: today, eleven years later, they arebest friendsAnd wonderful co-parents to their two children.

"He has become a totally different person after the end of our wedding," says Molly. "I tell all his girlfriends," You are welcome. "

Although she does not believe that a reconciliation is possible at a distance ("he's like my brother now"), she could not be happier with the relationship they have now.

Molly remarry after their divorce, but it ended too, so she isSingle Now, and the magnet. The 42 year old has a high power career that takes it all over the world andgives him the independence she has always confirmed. And the fact that it is so good with its ex-husband means she can have the comfort and support of a family, while enjoying the fun and spontaneity of unique life.

AsGwyneth PaltrowAnd many other women, she reinvents the concept of modern family and her ex-husband even plans to write a book on successful co-parenting.

5
It is better to leave before anyone is injured

Women Typing Life Easier I cheated on my spouse
Refuge

Molly does not regret to marry his ex-husband, especially because it gave them two wonderful children.

"This first year we had [our first baby] was probably the best year in my life," she said. "And we had our ups and downs."

It does not regret any connection with Steve either. However, what she regrets, however, do not leave earlier, so as not to have caused the pain she made.

"What I would like to know is that when you are young, you tend to be selfish and think about your own needs. When you are older. When you're older, you realize how much impact on your actions on the life of another person. My ex-husband had a very difficult time to raise the dissolution of our marriage, and I think it played a role in hisencountered difficulties since."

The case was also a lesson to make sure you areChoose the right person to get marriedFor good reasons. Molly knows and even knew that she would not have married her husband if she had not had pregnancy and many ways, which precipitated the infidelity that took place later.

"I committed four times and I passed twice with her twice. I remember one of the moments I called that, it was because I realized that I was more excited to choose the flowers as the guy. "

But the last lesson is that this is so terrible as infidelity, people can spend the past. Today, more than a decade later, she and her ex-husband no longer brought the cheat, even if he had also cheated throughout their marriage.

"It's water under the bridge. All our past transgressions are just that ... in the past."

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