Good Lifestyle

When children are young, it'sEasy to find excuses to link with them. After all, they live in your house and you get to see them almost constantly. When someone depends on you for food, clothes and refuge, you do not exactly prepare dinner to see them regularly. But some parents are afraid that when their children grow up and leave the house, it will be more difficult to stay in touch. Will he only have their children on a major vacation or even then? How will they keep this connection alive when their children are not right in front of them?

Well, for these parents, here are some good news. You can go to acloser relationship rather than a farther away.

When co-authors and psychologists Elizabeth Fishel and Jeffrey Jensen Arnett interviewed families for their book,To 30: a parent's guide for the 20 years of something, They met an interesting discovery: 75% of the parents they spoke to say that their relationship with their adult children, now in the twenties, were substantiallybetterWhat had been when their children were only 15.

Of course, that does not mean it's easy. Nothing meaningful is never. Your adult children embark on their lives now, and the tenor of your relationship with them will be intrinsically different from it when they depended on you for everything. But it is not obliged to be a battle in climb. It can be fun to find unique ways to reconnect with them as independent adults.

We consulted the psychologists and authors who studied what keeps families together - to compile this series of 40 collage ideas with your adult children who do not keep them in your life, but can help you discover new shades of their personality that you have never noticed before.

This is not a moment of teaching; You are not the one who presents your children to something new. It is rather a chance for you two to expand your horizons. "Learn a new skill, like Spanish or healthy cooking or tai chi can immensely your relationship with your adult child, "says Kathy McCoy, a psychotherapist and the author ofWe no longer speak: heal after parents and their adult children become separated. "It's a way to go beyond the old roles and experiment and enjoy an activity together as two people on an equal footing that shares an apprenticeship adventure."

We are all busy people, so many parents are content with communicating with their adult children with phone calls and texts. That's all good, but face-to-face interactions are also vital. A2015 study Outside the University of Texas found that parents with the most positive relationships with their adult children generally interacted with them using all three modes of communication: Send text messages, phone calls and IRL interaction. In fact, these parents with the strongest links with their children were an hour and a half more likely to have regular contacts where contact with direct eyes and the physical touch was involved.

There are one million volunteer opportunities, visiting senior centers visiting your local school to help families in need. This can be an excellent reminder to allow you to recognize everything you have, including.

Yes, believe it or not, your adult children have a knowledge and life experience that could be helpful to you. Turn to them for advice on everything, work problems and financial investments to your personal relationships, suggests Tina Ticina, a psychotherapist and an author ofThis ends with you: grow and go out of dysfunction. "Sharing advice as friends and equals will create the user-friendly connection you want," she says. It also shows mature, because you show them that you realize that the relationship has evolved and they know so much about the world, perhaps more, as you do.

Have you always wanted to try the zipper or rollerbed or paragliding but never warned courage? Call your son or daughter and see if they feel up to the challenge with you. It can be a particularly important bonding moment if you both conquer your fears together, holding the hands of the other when you both try for the first time you have never thought you would be quite brave to try.

If you have abox or two in the atticFilled with old family photos that you have not seen for decades, why not ask your children to help you bypass and create a family album? Looking at old images together, you can be a "great way to get to know a new way," said McCoy. "It's a chance for a parent to share what they thought and felt when they occupied the child now adult in their arms, or the memories of the adult child have some special occasions of his childhood." They can even discover something about your past thatnotImplicate them like babies. McCoy remembers to spend photos with his mother and realizing that there was so much that she never knew about her parents' lives. "It was useful to see my parents beyond their roles like mom and dad," she says.

If you have more than one child, you probably observe them all together at the same time, for holiday meals or meetings. But there is value in this one-to-face contact, where no one competes to be heard and you listen only what they have to say. Configure a date for only you two, and you could be shocked by what you are learning without the distraction of a complete family gathering.

What happens on the ground is almost next to the point. What really matters is the common experience to watch a game - it could be baseball, football, hockey, almost simply and encourage the home team.Go to 30 Co-author Elizabeth Fishel says she and her husband and their young adult sons "had hours of family fun looking at the warriors." It does not matter if you did not know anything about sport. Give your child the chance to explain what happens during the game adds an additional element of intimacy. Any real sport fan likes to explain the finer points of their favorite subject with novices.

We spend too much of our lives hastily to go somewhere. A long winding car ride for nowhere in particular can do wonders for your mental health. Even better when your adult child goes on a shootout. As the landscape passes and there is no destination to reach, you may have thoughtful conversations that always escape you during your family meals or other meetings.

A real wine tasting experience is nothing like hitting a bar or a pub just to drink. The ultimate goal is to savor every sip, let the wine ride on your tongue, then discuss the excreta of the flavor with your other wine tatatsters. It's fun even if you have no idea what you're talking about, because you both determine it as you go. This could become your new hobby together, with a shared shortband that everyone does not understand.

If your relationship with your adult child has felt tense in recent years, creating a garden with them could just be softened the edges.Recent studies have shown that gardening decreases anxiety and depression. It is difficult to stay angry with each other when there is dedication to do. And come Thanksgiving, you will be more happy to discuss light lights you have added to the meal instead of discussing the same old political disagreements.

Put your best pair of walking shoes and invite children to explore your city or city with you. You may think you already know each street, but there is always an unexplored neighborhood to discover. In addition, the point is not really the landscape, it is this casual walk with your children, when you have the chance to talk about everything and anything at all. Admire the architecture and see where the streets (and the conversation) take you.

Even if a tent in the desert does not look like your idea of ​​a good time, it may be exactly the thing to get closer and get closer to your children.A 2017 study I looked at the impact of camping families and how it strengthened these relationships so that other family outings can not. Why? Because when you camp, away from WiFi signals and other distractions, you are forced to spend quality time together. "All day was a time for our family," said a participant in a study. "Wake up together, exercise, play games, sing, pick up wood for the night."

If it looks like your adult child just does not want to share the details of his life with you so much, the problem could be less with them and more with the questions you ask. You may think that you are helpful with questions such as "Are you enough to eat" or "Did you find a better job again?" But you do more harm than good. Ask open questions that can not be answered with a syllable and show a real curiosity about their lives. Ask them what brings them joy, what drives them out of bed and what they are looking for the most for next weekend.

Children can be prohibitively expensive. And sometimesthey can be hesitant to ask you for help With child care, worried about taking advantage of you. Tell them that it could not be less true, that you know every moment to pass with your grandchildren and that you should be the first call every time they need one night. Trust us, it will mean more for them that you could start to imagine. When they know you have your back and call you to help you never look like taxation, you will have the greatest reason for feeling like a family comes first.

It is not necessary to be connected to a holiday, "said Fishel. "The formal holidays can be full of pressures," she says, "and make your own traditions can take the pressure and allow a good conversation and a good conversation for the connection and creation of new memories." Create your own unique family rituals for all betting on the Oscars together to visit a museum together for Mother's Day.

If you already haveCooked a big dinner With someone, you know how you can feel as if you make a dance elaborate in the kitchen, reaching your co-chef until it starts feeling like you can anticipate the movement of each other. You do not even need to reason to make elaborate dishes, maybe it's just a TV dinner date for you two - but you'll always feel about working together in the kitchen and make the chef- Culinary work that is really a combined effort.

McCoy fully admits that this may seem antiquity in an era of SMS and FaceTime, but it swears that a surprise of occasional postal mail can be an incredible collage experience. This could be as simple as "a beautiful amusing card with a personal message for no particular reason," she says. "Or a sincere thank you thank you for a gift or just a good time together. It's an unusual way these days to express your love." And the best of all, she adds, it gives your tangible proof to your adult child as you care.

Whether it beTake your son to get a tailor-made costumeOr shopping for dresses with your daughter, it's a perfect activity because it never looks like a lost time. It is about "doing activities together that constitute a normal part of everyday life," says Susan Heitler Susan Heitler, author of such books thanConflict to resolution. If you actually buy something is in addition to the point. Heitler says it can be fun to "choose fun clothes one for the other", even if you have just made shopping.

McCoy says that most older parents "are too often inclined not to make advice or make comments that can lead to conflict. You can not have any problems if you listen simply." And in listening, she says you learn much more about your adult child and what happens in their lives.

"One of my friends, who has four adult children who love him dearly, has an unbreakable rule," adds McCoy. "He never gives advice, unless it demands him and, even then, he keeps him brief and ask them what they think about the opinion or an alternative to that. He continues to focus on They. It works beautifully in his life and may yours. "

If you did not do itread a book For them because they were too young to read themselves, you are away. They can no longer be in Dr. Seuss, but just the simple act of sitting with them and read aloud, whether it's a novel, you both enjoy or that the Sunday newspaper can Helping you and your children get closer since, well, well, back when reading bedtime stories was a regular thing.

"Millenniumare known to appreciate experiences, "says Fishel. Rather than just buying tickets for a concert, ask yourself if you can monitor and check the show. To worry about the music they like, even if it's not someone that you would normally be listening, demonstrates an opening of mind they will respect. And who knows, they can even return the favor and accompany you to seeyour Preferred recording artist. Sharing these experiences can be "food for thought and conversation that go beyond family problems," said Fishel.

When they were just toddlers, giving your children a cute pseudonym like Twikletos, a monkey noodle or a pumpkin tart is harmless. But these are adults now and they should be treated as such. "They feel more respected when they are called by their names," says Tessina. If you want them to appreciate your business, you must recognize them as you would another adult. Here is a LITMUS test: Would you like to call a colleague or best friend "Stink-a-Potumus"? We guess no.

A mom wants to feel useful, heitler said. "Helping his adult daughter or his son to accomplish part of the task of the desire to never appear on the list can be fun and useful." One way to do it is to offer your aesthetic help with the decoration of the house. Maybe they need a new sofa or curtains for the living room. Anyway, it is always better to have a second pair of eyes. If you can be a survey chart without being too pushed with your opinions, it stays their lives and their house, after all, you will have seen that a perfect balance that seems to escape so many parents.

Yes, even a "Joke"Can go a long way.A 2017 study I found that people who laugh together tend to benefit more from everyone's company. If your sense of humor is lacking, invite them to a date to see a standing comic book or watch your favorite fun movie.

This is about more than just an excuse to spend more time together while setting up for a marathon. It's about encouraging healthy habits throughout you for both of you, which can continue to cross the finish line.Studies have shownThat families who work together are more likely to continue to do so, to exercise more often and more systematically, then those who try to run themselves.

Okay, then maybe this one does not count like "fun", but it could be one of the most important things you do for your relationship. If they seem cold or remote, ask them what disturbs them, "said Joshua Coleman, author ofWhen parents hurt: compassion strategies when you and your cultivated child do not hear you. And then listen non-defensively, even if they have "complaints of you that you do not like," he says. "Do not explain, rationalize or repel. See it as an opportunity to be closer."

It's not a magic fix, but it's a huge first step in the right direction. "If you can show yourself as a person capable of tolerating criticism, be self-reflecting and empathing with your child's feelings, the chances of being closer to improve you," says Coleman.

Maybe we are just suction cups for the holidays, but nothing makes us feel more like a child than decorate the house for Christmas or Halloween. Avoid the Tinsel, pump the holiday pieces and do you have a great old time with your adult children. You will have an explosion to tell your favorite holiday memories - Hey, nothing wrong with a small nostalgia to strengthen these family obligations - or laugh on your ridiculously overloaded decorations.

It may seem like a shot of Rockwell Norman, but there is really something magic about a father and son or daughter sitting on a fishing boat all day, speaking of nothing in particular and taking advantage of the business. Just because they are all cultivated now, it does not mean that you can not resume these moments. You can not catch more fish than you have done when they were younger, but you will soon realize that the real rewards of fishing are much more than what you bring home in a bucket.

If there are too much clumsy silences when you come together with your adult children, sometimes the only way to get a smile on everyone's face is to initiate a spontaneous and completely stupid dance party. Oh, of course, they will resist at the beginning, but when these Airs Abba begin to blame and that you break serious dance movements on the floor of the kitchen, they will soon feel obliged to join. The dance evenings are like laughter-they are like infectious bursts of laughter, and always have a way to suck the tension of the room.

There is probably a building or road road from your past that always holds a special place in your heart. Maybe it's your first house where you and the kids have not lived for years or a family restaurant used to visit when your children still needed a high chair. Meeting to these old hats and look at another look at the grounds to assign. It's not about living in the past, just a quick reminder of your shared family history.

Why do we feel closer to someone when we look at ahorror movie with them? This is because to be afraid, even when we know it's an illusion, puts us in a vulnerable space. We cry and wait for the person sitting next to us. This confident exterior disappears briefly and we show how fragile we are. Sit in the dark next to your adult child and press his hand while a horror movie plays on the big screen and you shared something that everyone does not reveal one at the 'other.

While talking about politics, it's usually something to avoid,Go to 30Co-author Elizabeth Fishel thinks it's a good idea - if your political ideals match, that is to say that beyond beyond accepting each other during dinner conversations . "Enter the vote together or work for a candidate that you have both sustained," she says. "The country needs voters of the Millennium!" Even more than that, the country needs parents and children Adults who encourage not having strong opinions, but the determination to embark on the world and fight for them.

Set up a family tree is a thing, but nothing makes you feel connected with your expanded family, like finding parents, you have dropped to touch. You may have a good aunt or a second cousin lost for a long time that you have not seen in what looks like a life. When your children were younger, they were probably not all interested, but as adults, they can share your curiosity on parents they have never met. Give them a call and see if they want to join you during an adventure on the road to discover their DNA roots.

Short things to talk with your children? You may be hooked to old ideas about what is a suitable subject to raise them. "As your children grow up, do not limit your conversations strictly on family topics or questions about their personal lives," advises Ticina. "Implicate them in discussions about current and other events, as you would with a friend." You may want to stay away from hot buttons like politics, but there are many more things to live in the world than just at the White House - and that your son or daughter go out.

It could be a picnic of casual Sunday or a Thanksgiving meal with all the fasteners. Whatever your preference, you and your adult children share co-hosting tasks, which includes all of the menu planning and organize the table to send invitations and select the right wine. It's a big job, but with two people who handle the strong surveillance, he will have the whole rush to the adrenaline to manage your own restaurant.

The person your adult child fell in love with should not be a person you know vaguely. Take the time to familiarize yourself, whether they are committing them in an individual conversation during your next family gathering, better, inviting them to lunch, two of you, you can finally know more about their lives just ballots. Your children notice gestures like this, and they appreciate it more than you know.

Theshoppingis when you do not deliberately look for something specific. Second-hand stores are made for navigation without purpose, and when you have a partner-say shopping center, a son or an adult girl with a few hours to kill you can have an endlessly looking through the grids and do Discovery of ancient civilizations (or people who have clung to junk too long) as a pair of amateur anthropologists.

Like the University of British Columbia ResearchersDiscovered a few years AGo, go out in nature is good for you. It increases your happiness and levels of well-being, and increases your general joy. What could be a better setting for a long conversation quietly with your son or daughter? None of you will never be better than when you headspace are surrounded by trees, away from Wi-Fi signals, with only everyone's voices to break the silence. Ah, it's true serenity.

If you are out of taking an oathfamily holidaysSince the latter trip, which most of the time standing involved Disney World online and perspiration, you may want to reconsider. The planning of a getaway with your adult children is a very different experience, and the one that is much less intimidating because you have someone to share fees and big decisions, like where and when. In addition, and we can not insist enough on this point, you are all the two adults now and what you appreciate both should align more perfectly than when they were younger and everything they wanted was more cotton And candy a photo with Mickey Mouse.