Good Lifestyle

It's not a secret thatto marry is a huge decision and a major commitment. It's something you and your partner get into the shared goal of doing it aHappy, healthy, long-standing union. However, a wedding is like anything else in life - it does not always work as you wish. And if things start going to the south, it can be easy to ignore thesigns of a toxic wedding Due to the way you want your hard relationship.

"WhenThe warning signs appear firstWe can try to rationalize them as normal - after all, no relationship is perfect. And it is very difficult to admit something as important as marriage showing signs of problems, "saysInna Khazan, PhD, an educated clinical psychologist of Harvard. "And although it is absolutely true that no relationship is perfect, it is important to distinguish between the imperfections that we are willing to live with and those we are not. Once the problems we have Are not willing to live with the snowball, it can become particularly difficult. To address them. "

If you fear that yourthe relationship could have problemsIt's time to pay attention to red flags that might be right in front of you. These are the subtle signs that tell you that your partner can actually be in a toxic marriage.

Although it may seem against intuitive, if you constantly spring your wedding online, you can try to overcommend subsidy for a toxic wedding. A 2014 study published in the journalPersonality Bulletin and Social Psychology revealed that people who are not secure orunhappy in their relations were more likely to post about them about social media.

Many people think that all their world should turn around their marriage, but if that's the case, you could be in a toxic. "Social prescription is always more" together ", but you need space to be a person in a relationship," saysJim Fleckenstein, author ofLove that works. "These types of relationships can slip intoexcessive jealousy, possessivity and control of struggles. They can then become abusive in brief order. "

If you have children with your spouse, how long do you go with your solo children against together can be a useful indicator to find out if you are or notA healthy marriage.

Although there is certainly no problem with parents who spend individual time with their children, if you do it more often than you spend time with them as a couple, it can be a sign that there are problems, says writer and psychoanalystTapo Chimbganda, PhD. She says that those of a healthy marriage tend to involve the whole family of activities - including their spouse, rather than separate their time with their children.

Of course, have your ownindividual life Apart from your relationship, it's an important part of maintaining a healthy marriage. And although there is absolutely no harm to each of you have your own circle of friends, if you or your spouse continues systematicallyNew The friendships that the other is not aware, it's when it becomes a sign of a potentially serious marriage problem.

Chimbganda says that if a spouse looking for new friendships where "they can tell their side of history", it's because they know that people "who know both parties or the history of the relationship can defend [ for the other]". They are looking for these new friendships or connections to use as a kind of "refuge" of marriage. And doing so, they open things to the opportunity to become friendship becomingsomething more intimate, whether they are aware of that or not.

You have probably heard that you should not listen to what other people have to say about your relationship, and it'sgood advicein certain circumstances. But when it comes from people you trust and you know how to get your best interest in the heart, it's probably worth it to be heard.

"You could ignore unhealthy signs of behavior because you want to give your partner a chance, think you can change it, feel that you have unhealthy behaviors, so you do not have to judge someone else, or believe that you do not deserve any better health., "says authorized author and psychotherapistKaren R. Koenig, Med. And although no one is perfect, if you find that people who care about you regularly shared concerns about your wedding, it's time to take into account the harsh reality that it can indeed be a real problem.

It's really true what they say:Good communication is essential to any healthy relationship. So, if your partner is always sideling to your attempts to have a dialogue, do not make such behaviors.Maria Sullivanvice-president ofDating.com, says another sign of a toxic wedding is that when your spouse tries to multiner every time you try to have a serious conversation with them. This could indicate that they do not really care about what you have to say.

And what is as toxic as not to be attentive and present enough? Being too demanding from each other, attention and energy are too demanding. According to Sullivan, your partner should know whengive you space And do not push yourself or become superb. There is a time and a place to be affirmed, but there is also an hour and a place to do some stages.

If you have noticed that your partner has slowly stopped taking your feelings and thoughts when making decisions, do not write this as harmless.Kevin Darné, author ofHow to go out with the line successfully, says that when your spouse begins to feel as if he did not need to "use a courtesy or text" to inform you of the modified plans, even if you do not wonder they do, that can mean that they startedyou take for granted. And this raises a toxic mentality "Me" instead of a "American" marriage mentality.

Do you always want to be on the guard when it comes to your wedding? According toBrandon Santan, a licensed relations therapist in Tennessee, this defensive state without stopping is a reaction to be too criticized by your partner. And when a wedding becomes toxic, the criticism that you naturally defend you maybe.aggressive passiveSo it's even more frustrating because it's more difficult to identify exactlyWhy You have become so defensive.

An unhealthy wedding can be outright exhausting, that's why Santan suggests taking stocks about your relationship if you find yourselfalways burned, whether physically, emotionally, mentally or all three.

Your wedding should be a place of comfort. If you feel constantly on the edge and unable to relax around your spouse, it can mean that there is an underlying question. "It's impossible to be really happy in a relationship if you can not be your authentic," says Darné. "If you want to walk on egg shells, jump through hoops or find that you must constantly second-guess, you are in a toxic relationship."

The arguments are common in any wedding. But if your partner has a way to transform everything that suits you, it may be time to go out. According toApril davis, founder ofLuxury matchmaking, you can not even realize that your spouse has made you your loop merciless, projectingnegativeThis happens on you. Receiving a blame or a constant reaction for all that is not in their lives, regardless of the level of involvement you actually had, is a sign of toxicity tellation.

It is completely normal to want to keep a few things yourself, but if it happens to the point where theSecrets that you keep from your partner Let's start adding, whether they are serious or not, you have to wonder why this is the case, says Khazan. If your secret is supported by a desire to avoid the potential reaction of your partner to what would usually be considered acceptable behavior, such as sometimes you buy something small or out with a friend, it is certainly to worry.

When you are in ahealthy marriage, your spouse is typically the person you turn in times of problems. But if you are eager to give you virtually anyone other than your partner, you are probably trying to find a connection that lacked your wedding - or was never there to start. "There are signs that of themselves indicate that the relationship is not healthy," says Khazan. "These include not feeling physically or emotionally in the relationship."

Another indicator that your wedding could become toxic is how you manage all financial issues. According toRussell Knight, a divorce lawyer in Chicago, when someone in a marriage includes financial accounts or expense habits that they hold from their spouse, it's a majorRed flag that your wedding is in trouble. Not only that, but this type of stealth behavior can also indicate other serious problems that your spouse can have with things such as "drugs, silver games or sexual addiction," says Knight.

There is no prejudice in a fun taquine here or there or a constructive criticism, but that does not mean that your partner should constantly beTo put you out.Amy HartleTravel and relationship blogTwo derivers says that if this "criticism" or "leveling" gradually makes a decrease in your self-confidence, you are in a toxic wedding. "Marriage should be built on the biggest partisan of your spouse. Will there be fights andspoken hard words? Of course, but [they] should always lead to a unit, "says Hartle. A healthy conflict should always focus on the same team and work to strengthen and heal your relationship. "

Santan says that when your wedding starts to become toxic, "you can find yourself by avoiding home, staying longer at work or find excuses to leave the house for a while." Instead of confronting your uncomfortable feelings towards your spouse, you unconsciously try to separate from the negative energy of yourtoxic wedding as much as possible.