The 33 most common reasons why relationships fail

These are the problems of the pairs face before deciding to call it.


While the last thing that couples want to think about breaking, the sad reality is that it happens - a lot. In fact, according to the recent data of theAmerican Association of Psychologyuntil 50% of weddings in the United States eventually end up divorce. But how can you tell if your relationship will survive? Well, there is predictive surefire tells like your bedroom habits, the way you are talking and how many times you communicate. Even the way you wear your daily conversations can enlighten the longevity of your relationship. Keep reading to discover some of the most common reasons why relationships fall into pieces. And for more things you should stop doing with your spouse, check out the50 Relationships really terrible advice.

1
You withdraw during the arguments.

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In his 2015 research published in the magazinePsychological assessment,Keith Sanford, PhD, Professor of Psychology at Baylor University, found that partners who admittedhas often withdrawn during the arguments Reported to be unhappy and more apathetic on the relationship overall.

"The withdrawal is thethe most problematic for relations, "Sanford says in adeclaration. "It's a tactic of the Defense that people use when they feel that they are attacked and there is a direct association between the withdrawal and the lowest overall satisfaction with the relationship." And for more relationship warning signs, learn the17 subtle divorce signs Most people do not see.

2
You are not on the same page.

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WhenVirgin wrote that "love conquers all", it had clearly never been in a serious relationship. Yes, love can overcome a lot of things, but if there is one thing itnot Overcoming, it's not on the same page. At the end of the day, you and your partner, you have to clarify the fundamental decisions such as living, when and if to have children and how to save and spend money, otherwise the relationship will fall.

According toLesli Doores, a Certified Relation Coach in Carola, North Carolina, "67% of disagreements in a relationship are never solved and they do not need, but the 33% of others, if unresolved, can lead to the end relationship. " DOARES notes that these so-called "pumpstainsbreakers" are often "desires of a partner of the relationship to get more serious beliefs and values, personal beliefs and values, the type of way of life that every person wants live and want to have children ".

3
You hold your partner with unrealistic standards.

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Your partner probably does the best they can - but like any human, they will spoil and make mistakes sometimes. And while a support spouse manages these shifts as an adult, a little supported will treat their partner as if they should be perfect 100% of the time, leading to the frustration of both ends.

"When your partner does not measure something, they did not even inscribe, there is a tendency to try to change them, without understanding that your own behavior plays a huge role," says Doares. "By focusing on Your partner, it allows to justify why they are the problem. "

4
You are afraid of being alone.

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Many people will avoid conflict and claim that problems in their relationship does not simply exist because they live for fear of being alone. However, this strategy turns around, because all conflicts will finally make their ugly heads - and by then, it is usually too late to solve them.

"Was afraid of being alone and eager to accept any relationship, regardless of unhealthy, is another common model that keeps working relationships," explains the DOARES. "The appropriate limits must be identified and applied."

5
You count on body language to transmit your feelings.

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At the beginning of a relationship, couples tend to be honest and open on their feelings and emotions. But as things are progressing, many people have sung their relationships assuming that their other potential can - and should be capable ofRead their body language and justknow What is about their minds.

"When a conversation once existed, there is now a silence, an eye roll or an e-energetic emitter that becomes divided if it is not finally overwhelming," explains the experts of the relationshipGreg BehrendtandAmiira Ruotolaauthors ofIt's called a break because it's broken. "Over time, we are too comfortable in our partnership, too lazy, or sometimes even apprehensive and we stop communicating thoughtfully between them." And if your marriage estimates, try them65 ways to be a better spouse after 40 years, according to experts.

6
You compare your relationship with all the others.

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The worst things are in your own relationship, the better the others will look. But by comparing yourself, you will not feel worse. You finally sabothing all your relationship is left to recovery.

"The comparison is the thief of joy," Note Behrendt and Ruotola. "Concentrate on your own relationship rather than covet someone else. The grass is greener where you water it and no relationship is as impeccable as it on Instagram."

7
You refuse to compromise.

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Compromising does not consist in letting your spouse choose which restaurant you are going from time to time. In a healthy and committed relationship, the compromise is to do "the conscious choice ofObception for exactly who you are, "writingLaura Schlessinger, an expert in relation and the host of the Sirius XM radio showDr. Laura program. "If you want your relationship to finally, you have to give up your need to be right and control all the time."

8
You do not explain your emotions in the same way.

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Have you ever found yourself crying in a rage leak while your partner did not run a tear? This can be a sign that your relationship is on the rocks. The meta-emotions of a couple - that is to say how theyto feel On emotions - need to be on the same page. As a wedding researcherJohn Gottman, PhD, discovered,Meta-emotional inadequatements were accurate 80% to predict divorce. Basically, it is not the conflict itself - it is a question of manipulating it in a complementary way of how your partner manages.

9
You see your partner as lower.

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To have the contempt for your partner is one of the four behaviors that Gottman says is a revealing indicator of imminent divorce. In his research, heCouples surveyed about the frequency at which they behaved with contempt, critical, defender and wwalling. Then he measured the satisfaction of the perceived relationship and found that behaviors exceeded more than 90% success to predict divorce.

According to Gottman, see your partner as inferior in particular is the "kiss of death" for any relationship. And that makes sense, given that another study of 2010 published in theWedding and family newspaperfoundcouples who have shown contempt for each other During their first year of marriage was more likely to divorce before their 16th wedding anniversary. Do you have the impression that things exceed the point of no return? here are the15 signs that you should go to couples therapy.

10
You take your anger on each other.

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In a 2014 study published in the newspaperCurrent directions in psychological sciences, The researchers determined that thethe people you like most are also the people you are most likely to take your anger on, since you interact with them more than anyone. Unfortunately, what they also found is that "aggression is harmful for individuals and relationships", which means that moreYou hurt the people you like, the more you risk pushing them.

11
You remember on the past.

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It is difficult to focus on the present when you are busy living in the past. And this is especially true in aromantic relationship, as your complete and undivided emotional and physical presence is necessary for things to work. If you want your current relationship to Drerera, let the past in the past and let yourself go things that hold you back.

12
You have confidence problems.

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Trust is not easy to build with someone (especially if you have been betrayed in the past), but you should have faith in the person with whom you intend to spend the rest of your life . If you are building a partnership on a mistrust foundation, you may run out physical and emotional intimacy. In addition, you can almost guarantee you that your partner will finally be fed up and leave.

13
You like alcohol, but your partner does not do it.

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If you like a good night night before going to bed, then you should be sure that your life partner also benefits. A 2013 study of the University of Buffalo found that about 50% ofMarried couples with different alcohol habits have divorced Before hitting the 10-year mark. In addition, partners who had similar consumption habits - that they are treated, abstained or consumed alcohol, which has only a divorce rate of about 30%.

14
Your relationship is full of secrets.

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Secrets are not fun, especially in a long-term relationship. And what's even worse, it's lying about them, like "your partner keeps the secrets of youand You blame when you call them on their secret, "saysGaspard Terry, MSW, LICSW, a relationship and therapist expert in Massachusetts and Rhode Island.

"They will say things like:" You could not manage if I was open and honest with you, which is why I had to lie, "Gaspard explains. If you notice that your partner on your face and holding you responsible for their abominable actions, it might be time to sit with them and solve the problem directly before things degenerate further.

15
You never take any blame.

asian couple fighting on couch, things you should never say to your spouse
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All torque fights, but healthy ends by both parties and apologize by taking partial blame for what has transpired. But in a relationship that is reached his break point, you may find that you or your garbage partner accept part of the blame, with one to paint you just like the victim.

"We are all a tongue of braming when we feel strong emotions," saysCarey Davidson, Chief Executive Officer of the Integrative Health Care SocietySunflower wellness. "It's so much easier to become a victim than thinking about our emotions as the way of our body to tell us [that] our basic needs of growth are not respected. And for more information up to date,Sign up for our daily newsletter.

16
You are not empathetic.

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A healthy and happy relationship should turn around the way each person feels. "In times of conflict ... we change our state of mind to recognize the basic needs for ourselves and our partners," says Davidson. "[We try] Sympathizing with our own unmet needs, with unmet need for empatizing our partner, then come with a plan to meet them both. »

However, partners in unstable relationships often find themselves fighting with their other significant, with little regardless of how the other person feels.

17
Your relationship lacks respect.

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A couple will never understand each other when there is a lack of respect in the relationship. And if a partner has a flagrant lack of respect for the other life choices, none of the two partners will feel comfortable talking about their day, not to mention their feelings or beliefs.

"The main reason I see why a relationship does not work is that one of the partners does not respect the other," saysAlexis tooth, Owner of the wedding companyXo Juliette. "It's a catastrophe form, because they will never be on the same page and things will break down. »

18
A great event of life shakes the relationship.

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A great event and unexpected life, like the death of a sudden parent or layoff, can shake a relationship with its core. And, often, these moments change life will result in other significant changes than many relationships fight to survive.

"Sometimes, because of a death in the family, the development of a disease, or simply the desire for a career of change, a person may want to move to another area, less work, or they take bad habits, such as drinking, medicines, [or] sexual addiction, "saysRegina Demeo, A conjugal lawyer in Bethesda, in Maryland. "If your partner do not agree with these changes, you no longer have a common vision of where you must be or where you go, leading to irreconcilable differences".

19
You do not trust your spouse with money.

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This is not necessarily the way each partner spends money that causes problems in a marriage, so it's one of the partnersthinkTheir important other are the expenses that. WhenAshley Lebaron, A graduate student from Brigham Young University (BYU), and his colleagues researchers studied couples and their consumption habits in 2017, they found thathusbands who consulted their women like the great spenders had the greatest financial conflicts, whatever the actual spending habits. "When he comes to theImpact of finance on relationships, Perceptions can be just as important, if not more important, than reality, "said Lebaron in a statement.

20
You think about yourself.

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Relationships are giving everything and take and if you take more than you give, the balance will be discounted and your partner will probably look for comfort in other places and people. In fact, it is a well-known phenomenon that the experts even gave a name: he calls the theory of social exchange. According toMark V. Redmond from Iowa State University, the theory describes how "we are disturbed when there isNo equity in an exchange or when others are rewarded more for the same costs we have engaged. "

21
You do not express recognition.

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When your other else spends the entire day is out of a meal prepared at home, do not forget to thank them for all the hard work. Otherwise, your partner will feel as if all their efforts have gone unnoticed, or that you feel as if your time is more valuable than theirs.

"Take a partner for granted mape all relations," saysPoppy Spencer, MS, CPC, a certified advisor and an expert in Florida. "Let people recognize or not, to be a value of another important is essential. WhenAcknowledgement Is not expressed, emotional and sometimes physical, health is compromised. You may think that your gratitude is involved, but that helps your partner hear that they are appreciated.

22
You count on your partner for validation.

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Unsecured people Use their partners as a crutch to feel better about their many perceived gaps. And when the relationship is less than satisfactory, they see this as a slight against which they are as a person, which can lead to anger, frustration and finally, the end of the relationship. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to reason with someone who oscillates their self in terms of their relationship.

23
You continue to try to change your other significant.

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One of the most important parts of being in a relationship is to love your partner for whom they are without trying to change them. People who secretly wish that their partner was only a little more fashionable or the athletic will find that they like an unrealistic version of their partner and not the person who they are coupled. It is always useful to remember that love is unconditional - and if yours is not the case, it might not be love after all.

24
You do not forgiveWhere Forget.

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You can claim to settle a dispute with your spouse to make it disappear, but that will only make things worse. Why? "Resentment holding is the fastest way to destroy love," says California-based psychotherapistTina Ticina, PhD. "Resentment is like rust that eats the links of your relationship." If you do not solve the underlying problems that cause your resentment and anger, your relationship will inevitably be paid to no return.

25
You do not go out on dates.

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After married, he takes work to keep the spark that existed once in your relationship. If you do not work to keep it alive, you risk falling into the same old ancient routines. "As soon as you start living together, romantic moments are no longer automatic," Tessina said. "Instead, much of your time together is dedicated to more banal things: do the laundry, wash the dishes, pay bills or go to work. As soon as the initial novelty of living together, these daily things stop To feel exciting and romantic and you may feel cracked that your partner does not worry as much or is so excited to be with you. "

26
You do not listen.

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Every person in a relationship just wants their voices to be heard, but in return, you must give your partner the same respect and actually listen to what they say. If your partner thinks you ignore them, they will look like their opinions and emotions are not important for you - and therefore, not the relationship either.

27
You are married too early.

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If you are married right of high school or college, you can start reconsidering your relationship later. According to a 2015 study ofNicholas Wolfinger, professor at the University of Utah,Couples who get married younger are a greater risk of divorce compared to couples who get married in the late 1920s and early 30s. Unfortunately, if you are hitched when you are under 20 years old, Wolfinger believes that your divorce risk is 32%, depending on the Age alone.

28
Or you have not prepared properly for the wedding.

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Before screaming the knot, make sure to understand finances, life arrangements, future career courses - all that could potentially enter your happiness and relationship in the line. If you do not do it, your relationship could be condemned from the beginning. In a 2001 survey of more than 2,000 married and divorced people in Oklahoma, researchers found that "little or no premarital premarital preparation"Was a main reason cited by the divorces for why their marriages did not last.

29
Or you started a family from the bat.

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Starting a family is a big decision that should not be precipitated in and if you jump to the pistol on this choice, it couldKill your wedding. A 2009 study published in thePersonality Journal and Social Psychology Found this "Parents showed a sudden deterioration following birth on observed and self-reported measures ... the functioning of the relationship. "

30
You are on different pages sexually.

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Sometimes relationships do not say because of the incompatibility, but because of problems in the bedroom. In its list of some of the common reasons of divorce, the United States-based relations therapist.Elly before noted on his blog that "love problems" and "loss of libido"They are both commonly cited problems in failed or stranded relationships.

31
Or the relationship istoo much respondent.

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All new brides should express a certain level of affection, but too much of all good things can also be a problem. According to a 2001 study of the OFT-cited published in the journalInterpersonal Relations and Group Processes, couples who displayedquantities of affection too intense At the beginning of the marriage, it was more likely to be divorced in the long term compared to less affectionate couples. A fire that forces takes a lot of effort to stay alive - so naturally, it will burn faster than the one that begins like a manageable spark.

32
You are simply not compatible.

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Of course, the opposites can attract at first, but at the end of the day, they are not always compatible, and they can not always understand how to make a long-standing relationship. Small things like messe and film preferences are negligible, but they are the greatest things like political views, sense of humor and spending habits that can be the straws that break the back of the camel.

33
Someone cheated.

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Without surprise,infidelityIs one of the most common reasons why relationships fall apart. In fact, in this 2001 survey in Oklahoma, among those who divorced, one of the most popular reasons given to the split was "infidelity or extramarital affairs". And for more things that you should never tell your other significant, check the 65 things that no spouse wants to hear, according to the benefits of the relationship .


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