Good Lifestyle

With regard to children, there is only one constant: change. And it is not simply applicable to their tastes and disgusts, but to our relationships still evolving with them as parents. Maybe you stoppedEat a dinner together with family. Maybe it's more difficult to move on after a dispute or rather than let them try to fail, you are used to intervening when things become brutal. If one of these situations seem familiar to you, it's time to take a step back and work on yourparent-child relationship Before things turn for the worst. Here's how mental health experts say you can ruin your relationship with your children without realizing it.

Being able to name and treat your feelings is an acquired skill, that children usually develop at home. And parents can model how to "name to tame" feelings by doing it for themselves for their children, explains New York-based new psychotherapistLucía García-Giurgiu.

Although you should of course be careful not to take off adult problems on children before they are ready to be ready for such burdens, share your own hard-time moments by age will strengthen only your link. Link , you humanize yourself in their eyes and show how to safely treat their own negative feelings as they go up.

When you have spent a difficult day at work or you feel exhausted, it could feel a bit wrong to slap on a smile and greet your child with an exuberance. But children are sensitive to theirParents' emotions, especially negative. If you interact frequently with your child with a chip on your shoulder, you may damage the relationship. Family advisor based in CaliforniaAmanda Lopez suggests asking you: "How do you act when your child enters a room? Are you happy to see them? Do not ignore them?" If the answer to this last question is "yes", it's time to simulate it until you do it.

"OccasionallyA smile or a delightful look can change the nature of an interaction. Children want to be recognized and appreciated, like all others, "explains Lopez. If you have a more difficult day, take a point onSculpt a few minutes for yourself To sit with these feelings, then put them aside so you can try to make the most of your time spent with your children.

Tantrums are common in younger children and many parents find them particularlyFrustrating part of the breeding of the child. But, according to Lopez, frequent angry attacks may indicate that a child feels unlikely and disconnected from their parents.

"Try to reflect your child's emotions and put them in words," she suggests. "For example," You feel frustrated right now because you do not want to go to bed! "Next, offer a correction:" It's good to feel frustrated when we have to do something we do not want to do, but it's time for it to go to bed. Validation and supply of An alternative helps children learn to self-appeal and reducing their need to act. "

With regard to parenting, quality expenses with your child are paramount. This is a chance to form a deep obligation, confers on your values ​​system,Share important life lessonsand defined a base for a long-term and healthy relationship. And as long as you are active about it,"Quality time" as a family can be anything: Go to the park, practice a sport, play a board game, read together or even talk about your day. The key remains present and attentive when you are together. "You may sit next to your child, but if your attention is elsewhere, your child is missing," explains Lopez.

Today and the age of today, everything is too easy torely on screens like a babysitterBut the therapists agree that parents should resist temptation. "If you and your children are entertained by information about your electronic devices, more than you entertain yourself in real life, there may be something bigger to play here," saysHeidi McBain, LMFT, which is based in the flower mound, Texas. "Start withDefinition of limits and limitations around electronic use For all your family members, then start finding small ways that you can reconnect with each other, like cooking something sweet, go for a walk together, or get out of eating and talking about life. "

Neglect to sit for family meals could be a sign that your relationship with your children needs a small TLC. "Family meals are an important routine to promote parent-child relationships, communication skills and healthy eating habits," saysNicole Beurkens, PhD, a holistic clinical psychologist based in Caledonia, Michigan. "If you can not remember the last time you sit in intentionally for a meal, or if you do not do it regularly throughout the week, then put yourself in a regular family meal routine is a simple way and powerfulImprove the relationship you have with your children. "

The validation of a parent is a huge source of trust and pride of a child and rooting vocally for the successes of your child strengthens your link as a family. According toMayra Mendez, PhD, LMFT, a psychotherapist based in Santa Monica, California, parents should always seek good for their children and emphasize what their child is doing well. "Catch your child" being good. "It needs to refocus your attention on the positive things they do, no matter the small," she says.

Worried that all these praises and validation go to the head? Concentrate on the rented process rather than the final result by complementing their hard work, persistence or courage.

The limits are important for children. After all, it's throughthe rules of your family and your household that they learn to exist in the world. But there is such a thing whatsoever on the correction of your child, and it can let them feel anything, they will only please you. Mendez explains that if you systematically focus "focus on what you think your child hurts" - precisely if you "identify and demand correction of these wrongs", can damage your relationship with your children and undermine confidence.

If you feel that you go to the sea, choose your battles and apply the rules that your family believes mostly. According to Mendez, you should not dig into your heels on the appropriate habits by age, as if your eight-year-old child does their bed.

Children make a lot of mistakes; it'sa part of growing. But if you fail to perceive their actions as intentional, Mendez says that you can create a resentment cycle and alienation that will ultimately put the distance and mistrust between you.

Instead, she says, "Catch negative thoughts and negative projections that you have about your child and question if there is the truth about these judgments. Make a conscious effort to change these thoughts and the Replace more positive, such as you say that your child did not want to hurt, that accidents occur and the child was doing their best, given their ability to develop. "

Remember your child that while you do not like these special actions, you always likethemLike people. Then be precise on how they can change their actions next time so that the problem does not repeat.

If someone asks you about the interests of your child, favorite hobbies and classmates, are you convinced that you knew how to answer? Otherwise, this can be a sign that you will not spend enough quality time with your child or you do not listen closely enough when they talk to you.

The Minutiae of your child's daily life - whether it's a class at school or composed of a friend after a small argument - can read in the moment as trivial, but that could not be more Far from the truth to your child. "Ask them their day and listen actively when they talk to you," says Mendez. "Be curious and show a real excitement and interests when they share."

As your children get older, their friendships will become more and more at the heart of their lives. Knowing your child's friends slopes the gap between your family and their new world outside your home and recognizes their need for peer connection - something that will go a long wayAs they enter their teenage years.

This also gives you a crucial front view of people who help shape the identity of your child; The habits and values ​​of their friends will undoubtedly contribute to those of your child. If they spend their time are a great question mark, getting to know their friends should be at the top of your relationship improvement checklist.

Your kids treat all kinds of complex emotions every day, and if you do not talk about the challenges they face, they have only their peers and their intestine to guide them (and you can guess how often it happens often) .

Instead of doing topics such as sex or drugs also Taboo to speak, do you recognize that they exist and give your child the tools they need to make responsible and safe choices. "Children are very perceptive and can pick upNon-verbal indices around their feelings of discomfort of their parents, "saysGita Zarnegar, PhD, an authorized therapist and co-founder of the center of authenticity. Chances are your lack of communication talks about volumes, and it sends the wrong message.

Parents these days tend to faildo things for their child that they could very well do for themselves with some efforts. And in doing so, they probably hold their children to come back to their full potential. "When you do everything for your child, you are taking them to have an authentic experience of who they are and what their strengths involve," says Zarnegar.

It warns that as your child loses contact with their own experiences, they lose their resilience and are unclear on which areas of their lives need improvement. "Children will start developing a reduced direction of themselves and their capabilities," she explains.

Similarly, when you turn off your children from failure and disappointment, you probably transpare your own fear of failure, which will send them the message that their best is just not good enough and will result in a Risk behavior, Zarnegar explains.

"When you do not let your children fails, you communicate that failure is unacceptable and shameful," she says. "In the end, live with the fear of failure leads to a decrease in vitality and expansion experiments." If you have recovered your child, it's time to work on this element of your parent-child relationship before making a major success for their trust.

Children are emotional Russian mountains and, as parents, we are not in Cherry-Choose positive emotions and ignore the rest. If you find that you are looking forward to when your child is upset or angry, and you are looking forward to running quickly to the part where they are satisfied as clams, it can be an area of ​​improvement of your parent-child relationship.

Tania dasilva, a children's therapist and a youth based on Toronto, say that slowing down and encourage your children to take the time they need to experiment and treat their feelings gives them the tools they will have tobecome emotionally intelligent and healthy later in life. "As parents, we generally want to save our children with uncomfortable feelings and experiences, but that does not lead to resilient children," she says. "Let your problematic children solve oneself and get comfortable with being uncomfortable from time to time."

Of course, it is normal for children and their parents are competing. A young age, children have trouble affirming their independence and parents are in the precarious position to make sure they do this in safe and healthy borders. But if your conflicts focus with your children, it can mean that something deeper is stirrup in the parent-child relationship, usually a poor communication problem or lack of confidence - which can build a continuous resentment over the time.

However, overcoming it can feel in the moment, keep in mind that we can learn from our failures even when we fail. "The failure means that we try, we learn and grow," says Dasilva. "Let us ask:" What can we learn from that, and how can we move forward? "" Let's try to make the trunk of questions with your child's participation and see if you can take things in a new constructive direction.