Good Lifestyle

Do itto joke Do you make grimace or hindsight in the horror? Where have youlaughter Even if you know you probably should not? If so, then he was probablyhorrible joke That some are classifying as "black humor" -and it's not for everyone, obviously. But if dark and twisted jokes macabre make you laugh, it could be a sign that you are smarter than average.

It is true, and it has been proven by science. A2017 study conducted by Austrian neurologists Published incognitive treatment found that people who love dark jokes, which they define as "humor that deals with sinister subjects like death, illness, deformation, disability or war with bitter amusement", may have a higher IQ that those who do not do it. In addition, they are less negative and aggressive than those who strictly prefer in favor of family G rated. Why? Because if you can see the humor even in the darkest parts of life, and you can laugh at truly dark jokes, you are less likely to take the world too seriously.

Want to know if you are also a happy-go-lucky genius? Take a look at these 75 dark hilarious jokes, and if you surprise you, despite the subject macabre, you can just be the nicest, the most intelligent person you know.

Dark funny jokes

1. My wife told me that she will slam my head on the keypad if I do not get the computer off. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m, .nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
2. I just received the results of my doctor's tests and I'm really upset. It turns out that I will not be a doctor.
3. As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Perhaps a career as a tour guide has not been the right choice.
4. The doctor gave me a little cream for my cutaneous eruption. He said I was a show for psoriasis.
5. A man enters a magical forest and tries to slaughter a palavre tree. "You can not cut me," the tree complains. "I am a palass tree! The man answers: "You can be a palass tree, but you dialogue. »
6. When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains buried in his favorite beer cup. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
7. My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "It does not work. I do not know what she's talking about. I opened the refrigerator door and it works very well!
8. They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if she is poisoned. Then, the antidote becomes the most important.
9. "What is your name, my son? The principal asked his student. The child replied, "D-D-D-Dav-David, sir." "Do you have a stuttering? The principal requested. The student replied, "No, sir, my father has a stuttering but the guy who recorded my name was a real moron. »
10. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I can not find cute or romantic. I find weird how many people take knives with them on dates.
11. I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor man.
12. What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
13. Why do not Mozart kill all his chickens? When he asked them who was the best composer, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach. »
14. Give a man a match, and he will be hot for a few hours. Define a man on fire, and he will be hot for the rest of his life.
15. My wife and I made the difficult decision we do not want children. If anyone does it, please send me your details and we can drop them tomorrow.
16. Even people who are good for nothing have the ability to bring a smile to your face. For example, when you push them on the stairs.
17. I went to my friend in his new home. He told me to go home. So I threw it out. I hate to have visitors.
18. I read a big book on an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
19. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally her past a stick of glue. She still does not talk to me.
20. Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
21. I will never forget my my last words of grandpa just before his death. "Always hold the ladder? »
22. There is a new study recently found important that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I do not remember the last time I aged a monkey.
23. What is the difference between jelly and jam? You can not froze a clown in the small car.
24. "I work with animals," the guy said to his day. "It's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who takes care of animals. Where do you work? "I'm a butcher," he says.
25. Why the hockey game on canceled leper? There was a face out in the corner.
26. Today was a bad day. My ex has been struck by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!
27. "Just say no to drugs! Well, if I speak to my medications, I probably already said yes.
28. I do not have carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
29. It is important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words "antidote" and "anecdote", one of my good friends would always be alive.
30. What is the last thing to go through the head of a fly while hitting the windshield with a car at 70 mph? His buttocks.
31. An apple per day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it's done if you throw it strong enough.
32. Imagine if you enter a bar and there was a long line of people waiting for you a swing. This is the typing line.
33. I have a fish that can slaughter! Only for 20 seconds though, and once.
34. Today, I decided to visit my childhood home. I asked residents if I could come inside because I felt nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
35. I have a joke about runoff in economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

Really dark jokes

36. My wife and I were at dinner and waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has Covid," said my wife. "Why?" I asked. My wife responded with a sneer, "because she does not taste."
37. I heard Sony coming out with a new console during the pandemic. It's called plaguestation 5.
38. Give a plane ticket a man and he flies for the day. Push it out of the plane to 3000 feet and it will fly for the rest of his life.
39. I was in Russia listening to a standing comedian mocking Putin. The jokes were not so good, but I liked the execution.
40. My 60-year-old woman told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love." I just sloped and said, "Choose one, I can not do both."
41. What do my father and Nemo do in common? They can not be found.
42. A doctor enters a room with a dying patient and said to him, "I'm sorry, but that you have only ten on the left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Time? Days? Weeks? "The doctor looks calmly and said," New. "
43. I was not close to my father when he died. What is lucky because he leaned on a mine.
44. Why can not orphans play baseball? They do not know where at home is.
45. I started crying when dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
46. My elderly parents liked teasing me in weddings, saying, "You'll be next!" They stopped quickly, once I started to make the same with the funeral.
47. I dig in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run directly at home to tell her to my wife, but then I remembered why I had dug into our garden.
48. My grandfather says I'm too dependent on technology. I called him hypocrite and unplugged his support for life.
49. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. Her hunting boyfriend immediately calls 911. "My friend does not breathe," he shouted on the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, make sure he died." There is silence, then a shot. The guy goes back to the phone and says, "Ok, now what?"
50. My son, who is in astronomy, asked me how much the stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him.
51. My girlfriend's dog is dead, so I tried to encourage him by getting an identical. It has just made it more upset. She shouted me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
52. What's yellow and I can not swim? A bus full of children.
53. What is the difference between me and cancer? My father did not beat cancer.
54. My friend said that if he came out of a cliff, it would be on his own. It's a good thing he leads a civic.
55. "Where do you take exactly, doctor?" The patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The panic patient. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we are not yet," said the doctor.
56. If you give a kidney, everyone loves you, and you are a total hero. But make a donation of five and all the way everyone shouts. Sheesh!

The best black humor jokes

57. The guy who stole my newspaper just dead. My thoughts go to his family.
58. A son telling his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend." The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better." "Thank you dad," said the son. The father shakes his head and go ", I spoke to your girlfriend."
59. Do you know the last thing my grandfather told me before hitting the bucket? "Grandson, look how far I can hit this bucket."
60. What is the difference between a sorcerer who raises the living dead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a novel.
61. A child decided to burn his house. His father looked, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mother and said, "It's the criminal fire."
62. I like to spend my weekends play chess with elderly men in the park. It is not easy. You are trying to find thirty-two old guys.
63. What is worse than biting in an apple and find a worm? Bite in an apple and find half a worm.
64. My parents lifted me like a unique child, who really annoked my younger brother.
65. Did you hear about Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.
66. "Welcome back to anonymous plastic surgery. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
67. "I have good news and bad news," said the doctor to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," said the doctor, "and you only have two days to live." "It's good news?" The patient exclaimed. "What is the bad news?" "I tried to join you for two days."
68. I hate double standards. Burn a body in a crematorium, you are "being a respectful friend". Do it at home and you "destroy evidence".
69. My favorite novel isThe Hunchback of Notre Dame. I like a protagonist with a twisted story.
70. When ordering food in a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. "Nothing special," he explained. "We just tell them they will die."
71. A guy walks with a young boy in the woods. The boy turns to him and said, "Hey, it's really dark and I'm afraid." The man answers: "How do you think that I feel? I have to go back alone."
72. My grief advisor died the other day. It was so good at work, I do not even care.
73. I would like to have children one day. I do not think I can bear them longer than that.
74. Have you heard about the guy who was cut his left side? It's all at the same time!
75. When does a joke become a dad's joke? When he leaves and never comes back.