Good Lifestyle

If you wantYour wedding to do it, then you have to devote time, effort and energy to your spouse, regardless of the new or old your partnership. Samestable weddings Require regular maintenance and management. To help you keep your promise to live happy forever, we talked to therapists, related experts, wedding counselors and consult tons of research to gather the best pieces ofwedding board We could find. With thoseWedding tipsYou will prepare for a happy and healthy relationship for years to come.

Do not forget to give a hug to your spouse and a kiss before leaving for work. It does not take more than a few seconds and can make a big difference in your relationship. "The affection keeps the juice flowing and living romance," explains the psychotherapistTina B. Ticina, PhD, author ofHow to be happy partners.

When your spouse confides in you, it's not something to take lightly. And even if the secret they shared with you seem small and trivial, it's not something you should tell friends and family members, no matter what.

"What may seem insignificant, trivial or cute to you can be serious for your partner," says Tessina. "Recognize what's important for your partner and not discuss it with your friends or family."

Everyone becomes annoyed by their other significant sometimes, and that's fine. However, a good spouse has never resulted in their public grievances.

"Even when it looks like a joke, our partners are injured, embarrassed and shameful when we discuss privileged questions with family or friends," said the coach of meetings and relationshipsROSALIND SEDACCA. "So tempting as it may be to raise these incidents with others, resists. It is disrespectful and will not lead to a positive resolution."

Nobody likes to hear about things they hurt, even when it's necessary. That's why Sedracca says that "when you have to express critics or frustrations with your partner, start witha compliment first. It is also intelligent to end with a reminder of something other than you like about them. So, "she said," puts the negative statements in perspective "

Even in stretched situations, sometimes everything you need is a moment of lightness to change the tone of the conversation. "If something frustrating happens, try to reduce the tension with a little humor," suggests Ticina. "Do not make fun of your companion, but use the humor shared as a way to say," I know it's difficult, but we will go through. Your partner will think of you as a soothing and useful person of have around problems. "

Make sure it's not just you or your spouse who takes care of your household. A 2013 study published in theJournal of Family Problems found that couples were happier when they shared household breeding and children's education tasks.

No relationship is perfect and there will always be minor things from your spouse who irritates you, but that does not mean that they justify a serious discussion. "You can leave his bad habits distract you from distraction - or you can accept them and work around them," says Tessina. "Does it leave the hatch of the toothpaste? Buy separate tubes. Did he leave clothes that arose around? Ignore them, or choose them, reminding you how to How many he does for you other means. "

It is natural to get angry sometimes. But have adiscussion With your spouse, instead of an argument, is healthier in the long run. At 2012UCLA studyhave found that those who have discussed angrily were more likely to be divorced 10 years later than those who have watered civil contracts.

So, how do you avoid things that increase to the point of fighting with anger? When you and your spouse are frustrated, "Take a few minutes to walk in the block, lie down, [or] you escape, you can group up," says Tessina. "A short break will allow you to stay on track and discuss what bothers you rather than making personal insults that you will regret later."

The conflict is not the only thing that can rotate your wedding. According to a 2009University of Michigan Study, boredom is a serious problem for married couples. So you should do your best to pepper your routine with some moments of unpredictability. Go to a day's surprise excursions;Take a class or do an activity together; Plan holidays abroad - what you do, simply make sure things are exciting, a return to the beginning of your relationship.

"Never stop dating," says Emotival Intelligence CoachBradley K. Ward, CPC. It notes that you can easily keep your relationship as fun and as loving as it was at first simply by treating it exactly as you did then.

When you have children, it can be almost impossible to find the time alone. Thus, when you fate, use the "Bewik" rule to establish topics that are out of bounds: invoices, examples, work, offices and children. "It helps couples to remember why they fell in love in the first place," saysMichael Bloomberg, whose program,Date-Nocturne-Olysis, is designed to help couples reconnect.

During the night, make efforts to keep your cell phone in your pocket. "Give your appointment to your date the priority of your time and your attention on which they - and your relationship deserve," says Los Angeles - Family and Family Therapist based on Los AngelesDavid Strah. If you have children, he suggests giving the babysitter a special ringtone in case of emergency.

"Make an effort for your partner [on the date of the night]" Strah suggests. "Wear something that shows you care about how you look. Dress up as if you try to catch their eyes and remove them again." A little effort goes a long way to release this spark!

Your spouse should always be your first priority - anything. Strah note that you can show them that they are n ° 1 by "being more fed or doing things you might not want to do - in healthy boundaries".

The average couple waits six years after having arelationship problem To search for help, according to Bloomberg. Instead of letting things climb, talk to your spouse and answer the question directly.

There is a huge difference between supporting your spouse because they are working on healthy changes and asking them to be someone they are not. "It's not that your partner will never change. That's ityou can not change your partner "Karl pillemer, Doctorate, researcher of the head behind theCORNELL marriage council project, explains in his book30 life lessons.

"You can support your partner in an attempt to change, and you can change together. But what is misplaced is the idea that you can push your husband or wife to change in the direction you have chosen for him," loot writing . "The people who finally accept their companion for whom and what they are, rather than seeing them as a project to do it yourself, find the liberating experience - and are much more likely to haveHappy and satisfying relationships for decades."

We are educated early to think about friendship and romantic love as different. However, what makes friendships work are the samethings that make a wedding job.

"We are impatient to be with friends, we savor their business, we relax with them, we share common interests and we speak openly," writes to loot in his book. During his research for the Cornell Marriage Council, an 87-year-old childtold him", Repense to the play yard when you were a child. Your spouse should be that other child you would like the most!"

The next time you wantMake your spouse smile, remember a moment when you were happy that you were happy. "Remember when ... 'is a good start to a loving conversation. It creates so much to remember how you were when you get out, when you got married, when you bought your home, when You bought your first child, etc., said Tessina. "Do you remember your solid story together is a way to increase your link."

The way you feel about your spouse is obliged to change over time when you move the two people. And if you want your wedding last, you have to embrace this change rather than trying to come back the time.

"Quality relations understand the understanding of the definition and conceptualization of constantly changing love", explains the clinical psychologistStephanie J. Wong, PhD. "Many people associate love with" butterflies "that occur during the first meeting to someone. Over time, you can always get butterflies, but it can also evolve towards mutual respect, an understanding advanced from each other to tastes and disgusts and appreciate a partner's forces. "

"Never use the worn saying:" We are just growing, "warns"Stacey Greene, author ofStronger than broken: the decision of a couple to move through a link. "All humanity is growing constantly, changing and evolving. You can choose to grow together by changing, growing and evolving as a couple."

People like to feel appreciated. And if you wantMake your extra special spouse feel, an easy way to do it is with small love notes scattered around the house.

"What you write" I love you "in a heart of lipstick on the mirror of the bathroom, leave a bright pink post-it notes on the window of their car, or a DIY a real letter of love that you cover in heart stickers and spray with perfume, it's nice for your partner to receive something sweet that they can stay in remembrance, "says marriage and the approved family therapistChristine Scott-Hudson, Ma. "Give your partner something significant to keep when you are old and gray, and they will be happy to become older with you!"

SMS should not be the preferred communication method in a relationship. However, when it comes to your wedding, it is paying to send soft nodes via SMS from time to time. In fact, a 2013 study published in theJournal of Couples & County Therapy has shown that Affectionate messages of SMS have been positively associated with the satisfaction of the relationship.

Mood swings and angry explosions occur the best of us. However, which differentiates a good spouse of a bad spouse belongs to those who are not so beautiful days and learn from them.

"If you have a bad day, do not blame it on your partner, your boss or your traffic. Remember that your moods and feelings are your responsibility, "says Scott-Hudson. "Inhealthy marriagesEach partner has his own feelings, behaviors and moods. They do not blame anyone else for their own moods - they take the property instead. "

"One thing that can stop a fight in his tracks is to remember that you are on the same team," says Scott-Hudson. "Do not go for the low shot orinflammate This will no longer serve to annoy and injure your partner. You love them. You are a team. Act like that. Think, 'What would resolve this as a victory for us two?' "

Your spouse expects any conversation that they have with you, their partner, to be without judgment. When your other significant comes to you for tips or even just for a ventilation session, it is essential that you do not just listen to them carefully, but also openly. "Communication implies being empathic, non-judicial and selfless when your partner needs your help," saysTiffany C. Brown, Psyd, owner of the mental health clinicFamily Counseling.

If you want your wedding last, you must learn to apologize and say it. "Excuses mean that you have an overview of your behaviors and you see your role in the situation," says Brown. And make sure it's not always you or always your spouse have to say sorry. "If a partner is always the person excuse, it's an imbalance in the relationship andwill lead to problems in marriage," she explains.

Wedding counselors Are there only there to help you and your relationship. So, going to the therapy does not make you a failure. In fact, a 2010 study published in theJournal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology Found that the marriage council can help even the most painful couples, as long as you and your spouse are ready to change and improve.

You and your spouse should not haveall in common to operate your wedding. As your relationship progresses, however,Janet and Steven Hallauthors of15 rules for a relationship, sustainable and satisfactory relationship, Suggests taking new activities with your spouse so that both of you have something to stick on.

"These are the new interests and new experiences discovered while vacation, for example that helps add a spark to a relationship," they explain. "In these experiences, a couple can rediscover why they fell in love in the first place and, more importantly, learn to have fun together. »

If you want your wedding to be a success, you must understand the need for interval time. According to a 2004 study published in theMarriage and Family JournalHaving hobbies and friends outside a wedding is the key to great satisfaction inside the wedding as well.

Your spouse could be your best friend, but that does not mean they should be youralone friend. On the contrary, a 2017 study of theUniversity of Texas in Austin have found that spouses who had solid support systems were better able to be distracted when their marriage has become too stressful. In other words, your other nearby friendships could result in less serious fighting with your spouse!

Having friendships with other couples are not just good for the night today. According to the research of theUniversity of Maryland School of Social Work, Couples who are actively looking for friendships with other couples tend to be happier and closer linked.

"Take the time to zoom on the relationship together andInvestigate questions As, "How is the relationship done? "Where did we beat? "What has been good? "What do we want? "How can we support each other? »Suggests the relationship coachMarie Anna Winter. Doing this strengthens the link between you and your spouse and everyone is more aware of what is and does not work in your relationship.

Speaking of questions, when you find yourself uncertain in your wedding, Strah suggests asking you a particularly important: "What is the purpose of my relationship"

"This question can often help people clarify their needs, what they love and do not like their relationship, what they would like more, and above all, how they can be more favorable to their partner" , he. "I think it's a fundamental approach to relationships like a mission statement. »

You want to watchThe single person. He wants to watch hockey. They are both at the same time. We could say about it until the two programs are more, or you can learn to make compromises like every good couple done. "Accept that you will not be everything on your wish list and needs and desires," says Strah. "You have to do some things you may not want for the good of the relationship. »

Looking for an idea Sunday exit? Hit the park dog even if you do not have a puppy from your own. A 2017Florida State University Study revealed that the quality of improved wedding when couples were packaged to associate their spouse with cute animal photos.

It is the quality on the quantity in the field of sex. Which is according to a 2016 study in theSexual behavior archives who examined marital satisfaction and found that the frequency of sex has not been as important as the quality of it.

Do not be afraid to do your research with regard to sex. Even an old dog can learn new stuff. According to a 2016CHAPMAN UNIVERSITY Study, sexually satisfied couples reading online sex counseling or in magazines and then give him a whirlwind.

Imagine back home from work to a sink full of dishes. Now, instead of shouting to your spouse not to clean, talk productively about your frustration. "I found it the sweet language as one of the greatest game changers in successful weddings," says Californian therapistJacob Kountz. "He gets the same message, but in a softer tone. »

Everyone has aA different language from love. And in a wedding, part of being a good spouse is to understand the unique partner: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service or a physical touch. "You may want a physical touch and they can like quality time. Get to know your language so you can tell them what you like and vice versa," says Kountz.

If finances and space allow it, you and your spouse must use separate bathrooms.Paige Arnof-Fenn has been happily married for almost three decades and she saidBetter lifeIt attributes its success to this very thing. "I always say that the secret of a happy wedding is separate bathrooms!"

Regardless of your levels of revenue or your assets, it is important to consult a third party financial planner or a counselor able to help you work on common goals, to resolve disagreements and to take the emotion of the often extremely charged question. silver. A 2018 survey ofRamsey Solutions found that the fighting of the money are the secondFine cause of divorce After infidelity, then having someone to help you through your financial misfortunes could simply save your wedding.

Of course, you say "Thank you" for the great things - a gift,A romantic rendezvous, or bouquet of roses, for example. But what about all these little things that your spouse does to make your life easier and better? If you are notExpress your gratitude For these things already, you may want to start. According to a 2015 study of theUniversity of GeorgiaThe largest predictor of matrimonial quality is the ability to express gratitude.

"When your spouse communicates with you, stop multi-tasking immediately," suggestsBracha Goetz, author ofSeek God in the trash. "Your spouse will feel instantly appreciated, and the rest of your conjugal life can become an exciting first date."

Does your spouse dream of getting his master's degree? Are they hoped for a day to win their pilot license? Whatever their goal, your work like a loving spouse is to support them because they work to realize it. Similarly, you should talk openly and honestly about your vision for the future, so your partner can help you in all respects.

It is unfair to assume that your spouse is a MinderRader and always knows when you need emotional support. By saying to your partner that you need help, you have known needs and put the ball in their yard. Search for theIowa University Posted in 2008 even found that when the wives were open and honest on their needs, they were happier in their weddings.

Yes, there is such a thing to betoo muchSupport. In the same study of the University of Iowa, the researchers found that too much informative support - typically in the form of unsolicited advice - can affect a marriage.

"Empathy is the secret sauce, the key ingredient at a truly happy wedding", wedding counselorLisa Marie Bobby, LMFT, BCC, writtenon his website. "When couples have an empathy from each other, they understand why all the other things are important and feel motivated to do what will help their relationship to feel better for both."

The dreaded word is the last thing that any married person wants to hear their spouse say. Unless you are serious aboutDivorce, do not end him as a possibility. Threatening divorce is not a way to scare your spouse in couples therapy, and it's not a healthy way to repair any other problem you might have.

Let the past in the past and every day is a clean slate between you and your spouse. Even if your spouse said something bad or aggravated something aggravating, "try to forgive your light partner yesterday," says the approved marriage and family therapistCaroline Madden, PhD. "Start fresh every morning. Accept that we all have bad days when we are not the loving partners we would like to be ideally."